I sat for a long time, waiting for Mistress and I began to wonder what I would do if I logged in at a time that I was not likely to see her, like when she would be at work.
I decided that I really wasn't sure.
- Shopping is different now since all I have comes from her. Maybe it would be better to say that all I will get comes from her and she allows me to keep what I already have.
- Scramble is different too. It seems frivolous somehow and just like with shopping, the money I win wouldn't really be mine anyway.
- Helping newbies seems noble enough but it is hard to be proactive with that; it is more a waiting game so to speak. If someone were to ask, I would devote all that I could to helping.
I don't really want to wait for Mistress to tell me what is allowed and disallowed but I at the same time I feel like I need a nudge (or a kick?) in the right direction. I suppose it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to nudge myself.
It doesn't much help that the time zone I am in is soooo far from the US, especially the east coast. Oh well.
This post is much more negative than I intended it to sound. let me summarize and see if I can put a more positive spin on it.
I'm not quite sure how to start again and I don't want to wait for Mistress to tell just what to do. Because she deserves more than a robot, I need to get myself motivated and be proactive about being pleasing to her.
I am still haunted (sounds dramatic, doesn't it?) by the need to constantly be typing mantras.