Sunday, August 31, 2008

Shortest trip ever to SL.

I was online this morning for about 20 minutes. I figured that my east coast friends might be online since it was late morning there. Nope.

I spent the time going through my inventory getting it in shape. I've been letting myself suffer from inventory grunge lately and I finally decided to de-grunge that place sine I had some time alone.

Even after the de-grunging there was still no one online so I decided that I had earned some decadence and went back to sleep. Ah... sweet decadence!

Saturday, August 30, 2008

How could I have forgotten this part?

I did an assignment for Mistress - it's an ongoing assignment really - and when she read it, I got two 'firsts' from her.

The first first was a 'dayum.'

I had to confirm that this was a good thing.

The second first was an A+.

Actually there is a third first. She put a copy of my A+ assignment on the fridge.

/me laughs.

I was flattered, happy, amused and proud. Mostly proud, by a lot.

Friday, August 29, 2008

L o n g day in SL today.

An example of the cleverness of Mistress:

We were in the house talking when a new person - two days old perhaps - tried to open the door. It is odd how manners just vanish for some people in SL, even when new. I wasn't perfect when I started in SL (not that I am now) but I would certainly never have wandered around trying to open doors to private houses.

We both fixed our cameras on him, just watching. He went to one or two other houses, then stopped in mid-rudeness.

Mistress had sent him a landmark to a sex place and within seconds he was gone. Our new 'anti-rude newbie' policy is to leave sex LMs scattered on the front porch.

Mistress is clever in many ways. She has seen things from many sides and has made that into a skill. I tend to be more face value. Spending time with her is almost always illuminating and the way that lessons unfold with her - so slowly sometimes - make the learning much more solid and deep.

Today's lessons, brought to you by the letter 'M.'

PUT DATES ON ALL ASSIGNMENTS AND CHORES - this is a copy/paste from a note to myself. Not a lesson per se, but I don't want it to become one.

[8:19] Jacquelin Mazi smiles: "so there are a few lessons today... can you name them so far?"
[8:19] Emilee Gackt nods.
[8:20] Emilee Gackt: I must use my heart Mistress.
[8:20] Emilee Gackt: And speak from my heart.

This was just boggling to me when Mistress first gave this rule, lesson, call it what you will.

I don't exactly recall if when she first told me about this if it was coupled with the 'never think' rule but really it must be. These two go together like peas & carrots, or maybe like... me and Jan (/me smiles).

Using and speaking from my heart gives Mistress a clear picture into my brain. If I just blurt what I feel it is so much more raw and unprocessed by the filters that the world forces people to develop. It is hard to explain. It's a high honor that Mistress wants to see that part of me and its touching that she has so patiently taken the time - over and over - to teach me how to show her.

If I think, ideas and emotions get run through that filter and become less pure.

In a way I am... what is the opposite of envious? I feel a loss for people who will never know this kind of relationship. It is so contradicting and so freeing and enriching. But then so are the relationships of other people. /me shrugs. Oh well.

[8:20] Emilee Gackt: I must not try to think.

That must look so unnerving to people outside looking in. From in here it is peaceful and it is part of a puzzle. Mistress gives me little pieces at a time and I s l o w l y put them all together. the next piece:

[8:23] Jacquelin Mazi nods: "first and foremost.... do you know anything I don't tell you?"
[8:23] Emilee Gackt: No Mistress.

Sometimes the answer is obvious but the lesson is just a seed. Saying 'yes' to that last question would have had consequences and Mistress is not one for trick questions usually. So clearly, 'no' was the proper answer.

[8:24] Jacquelin Mazi nods: "remember this lesson.... where you are now.... total and complete darkness.... no map..... no location..... no nothing..... you are a blank slate for me to write on...

Another statement that must be uncomfortable for people and was for me at first. I have learned how smart Mistress is and how she has a plan... how this is so much more than playing to her. Knowing all this makes being a blank slate not so much a bad thing really. To me it is potential and because of the trust we share I know that where she takes me is somewhere that will be good for me.

Seeing this process - the lessons, the puzzles, the hints that she gives - is amazingly endearing. Almost parental. She sees where it is best for me to go and as I see that unfold I look at her through more caring eyes each day.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Kind of the same as yesterday

But my chore deadline is tomorrow and I gotta get my butt busy!

I got a few things done, hopefully to Mistress' liking.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

My favorite thing to see in Jaan's profile:

My favorite thing tonight:

[0:24] Jacquelin Mazi hooks onto the ring in your collar to tug you a bit closer brushing back your hair a bit as she whispers: "I'm glad I got to see the gackty girly too"

This is one of the most insightful things anyone has said to me in SL:

[0:26] Jacquelin Mazi: your situation .... your bondage..... your... humiliation and frustration.... when the one you ache to please is not here to see how well you're doing..... it sucks even more.... but even for a brief moment in time.... to see the one that did this to you.... to hear just the smallest glimmer of pride in your efforts... makes it all worth while

It is odd how this type of relationship can be so enriching to some people, so foreign to others, and so threatening to still others. It is odd how it is mystifying to so many people, even the ones who are in these relationships.

Things are good.

Nobody online...

... nothing to do, no where to be.

I talked to a few potential others for Mistress but nothing very promising.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

She is, I'm not.

So I went to the Ranch (don't go there by the way - VERY high suck factor) to work on a project for Mistress. They have just redesigned the place so that you once you get to the Ranch, you need to TP to the main part. I can't click on anything > can't TP > milled around in the landing zone until I was noticed by a newbie.

He was in clear and utter need of some advice so I started pouring it on. He had his weewee sticking out of his undies (which was all he was wearing), newbie hair, newbie skin, on and on and on...

Talking was a challenge for both of us. He kept asking things like:

[2008/08/26 23:03] ocha Luik: r u gonna want to play later?
[2008/08/26 23:07] ocha Luik: where r u from Emilee

And I kept saying things like:
[2008/08/26 23:04] Emilee Gackt: Ocha I am happy to help you but I have asked you a few times now to focus.
[2008/08/26 23:07] Emilee Gackt: Ok, I really must stop this conversation if you do that again. Focus on what I am saying ocha, and stop trying to play. That isn't going to happen.

I have learned a lot from Mistress and I am in awe of her patience with people like this. That is one thing she has that I lack, at least in the amount that she has it.

Jan logged in again tonight. Her solution to our time zone problem is to take a nap at 10:00 pm, then get up to come and see me. I am in awe of her dedication.

Hm. Blogger is flagging 'weewee' as a typo. Hasn't blogger ever heard of weewees?

I forgot the sweetest thing

Jan sensed that my current... 'condition' was making me a bit uncomfortable so she put on a bikini to kind of equal things out. What a sweetheart she is.

Oh yea... that's right.

I'm working on a project for Mistress so I logged in to do a bit of work on it. I realized that I'll need to do it in email since I can't upload anything.

The challenges of this week are becoming more apparent but are so for not insurmountable.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Jan, Jan and more Jan.

A paraphrase of our conversation when we first logged in to SL:

Jan: Let's get together.
Me: Ok
Jan: Great!
Me: Oh by the way Jan?
Jan: Yes?
Me: I'm not too dressed just now.
Jan: That's ok.
Me: And I'm in shackles.
Jan: That's ok.

Jan is setting a record for the most understanding and tolerant friend ever!

It's going to be a long week.

I got a little too clicky last night and Mistress is doing her best to see that it doesn't happen again.

It is always kind of new to me how Mistress uses what I did as part of the punishment. Usually it is lines and this time she gave me that option. I hate lines but I must admit that they are an effective deterrent.

This time mistress did something a bit different. I can't click on anything in SL and I can't get myself any more dressed or undressed than I am now. At least she left SOMETHING on me.

Then she gave me a project to do. This is how my conversation from the first place I went started out (I was there for maybe 3 seconds when I got this IM):

[10:02] Gil Kalok: hi sexy ;-)

I groaned, literally.

[10:03] Emilee Gackt: Hello
[10:04] Gil Kalok: my first time here ... ;-) what is fun to do ? sexually i mean ;-)

His first time? Why do I not beleive that?

[10:04] Emilee Gackt: I've never been here before either but really, this is just a store.

It really WAS my first time there.

It went downhill from there.

Like I said... gonna be a long week.

Well now I've done it

Mistress has asked me to get her approval before I buy something. I've been saving my Lindens for something nice that I hoped that she'd like.

I've been looking for some better heels; the ones I have just aren't 'me,' you know?

So I saw a pair, took a pic, got the price and then noticed that right next to those was a set of earrings in the sort of style that I have grown to like in SL. Kind of big but delicate.


I took a picture to show Mistress and clicked on it to get the price. The same thing I had just done with the pair of shoes. After all this I'm not even sure I really like either the shoes OR the earrings.

Anyway... I was taking a volume approach with it. If I send her a dozen things I want to buy, she'll certainly let me get at least one of them, right? So I went to Celestial Studios (right across from ETD) to look at a few things there. I love big places like that since you always see something new. Same with Wrong, Pixeldolls, ETD...

Anyway, I saw this outfit:

Nice but hardly the best thing in SL, especially for $200L. I like the top since it's so sheer; I've seen so many babydolls that look like maternity clothes that I am usually a bit wary of them. The pants? Eh. I'll probably wear the top with something from Last Call. So I took a pic of it just in case I didn't find anything else that really called to me. I clicked again to get the price ($200L).

That was when I got a little sloppy with my clicks and accidentally bought it.

I really do try to do the right thing you know? This time I just gackt it up. It doesn't help that this comes after my complete misreading of a few very simple things that Mistress had said.

But... at least I had a great time with Jaan, just talking, hoping, laughing. She is a delight and a treasure.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Pretty much the same as the last one

I had to finish a project for Mistress and came across an ex-bane in need of some clothes. I gave her a few things but hat was about it. One wonders what will become of her...

Almost forgot this part.

I logged in earlier today just to give Mistress my status on a project. Status: gackt.

Then I did some life things today... errands, etc. and ended the evening helping my brother with some tile he is installing and went to bed at about midnight, thoroughly exhausted.

(People do projects at night in AZ; it's 'hotter than stink' during the day.)

Then I sat up in bed, realizing I had forgotten something important. No blog!


So here I am and here it is. My blog for the day, chronicling the life and times of MLE in SL.

Earlier today I did very little - I just sent Mistress an IM, then had to run and do some errands. Or did I do the errands first? Hm. Well it was one or the other.

Tonight I TP'd to the dining room from the bedroom and once again found myself standing on the buffet. How uncouth! So I finally did something about it.

Now I'm off to bed, finally.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Got to see Jan, didn't get to see Mistress.

Wow... last night it was Jan and tonight it was Mistress. I had the mouse almost on the 'X' and was nearly gone when Mistress logged in. In fact I had already started my blog - hence the title. Yea that's right. I said 'hence.'

Note to self: Wait a few more minutes to see the people you love.

This is out of context and it is easy to add lots of meaning to it that isn't there, especially Mistress' first sentence:

[2:04] Jacquelin Mazi: but you did make me proud a few times even still
[2:04] Emilee Gackt smiles happily.
[2:04] Emilee Gackt: That is what I want most Mistress.

This is what it is about for me in SL. This is my goal here and with such a 'real' Mistress, this is an important thing for me. It's not about feeling warm and happy that I made someone proud; it is about having accomplished it. Having learned what it takes to please her, then finding it in myself to do it.

Mistress apologized to me tonight. Twice. Not for anything she had done to me; just the casual kind that comes up in conversation sometimes. She is showing me these little courtesies and I am as nervous as I am thrilled.

It makes me more comfortable to see these things from her but I can't forget my place.

100 lines + a snark

When Mistress has me type lines I do little... 'things' to amuse myself. I'll type little sparks and comments and blurbs every few lines and of course delete them before I send the notecard to Mistress.

Sometimes things don't go as planned. The last set of lines I did (which was the first that I've had to do in a long time) had a little comment left in by mistake. Let me sum it up this way:



[12:53] Mystique Oh: hi emilee, i was wondering whether u are interested in a Landmark for a new stylish shopping Location? We have a lot of Top Designer Stores there. And we provide you only High Quality stuff like female fashion, male fashion, accessoires, Neko wear, sunglases, tattoos, shoes, HQ skins and much more.
[12:53] Emilee Gackt: Wow... personalized spamming. That's a new one!
[12:54] Emilee Gackt: Sure, send your LM.
[12:54] Mystique Oh: lol, ty ;)

I got spam, an lol, a ty AND a smiley all in two IMs. Woot. Can you possibly guess whether I went to her shop?

What a long day in SL I had!

I was with Mistress for most of the morning and did a few project type things in the afternoon.
  • I dealt with a bane (I'm not sure that will mean much to Jan - feel free to ask) Everything is taken care of; it's been locked in a new suit and it has 20 hours to go.
  • I talked to someone that Mistress introduced me to. It's funny how much I found myself saying the exact things Mistress would say. She is still much more patient and apparently open-minded than I am. I had already made a decision about this person after about 3 sentences. That is kind of unfair of me and just another thing about Mistress that I admire.
  • I finished a few assignments/projects and such and sent them along.

Mistress and i have this saying... "Sometimes it sucks to be a slave." With Mistress, it has been sucking less and less. When I was new to her, it was hard. The were a lot of times that things really did suck (very high suck factor!) and it was probably the newness and her intelligence that kept me in it.

Lately things haven't sucked really; I am choosing look at those times differently. It's all a choice you know. People have the power to decide how to view things. Anyway... My decision is to have things not suck but to be difficult or a challenge. Just not suck.

Mistress owns me in SL so she gets to own what I do, where I go, who I see, etc. I am having a hard time deciding that it doesn't suck that I have to get my Lindens from her.

As I am typing this I am feeling the catharsis that Jan and I have talked about. /me smiles. Thank you Jan.

So Mistress owns me and my Lindens and she owns what I do with them. Having to ask before I buy something kind of takes the fun out of it and it isn't like we shop together. There is just no spontaneity in it if I have to take a pic of an outfit, then email it, then have to justify why I want it. I want it 'cuz I want the act of getting it and the newness of owning it.

I also want Mistress there for me, helping and guiding and teaching. It's never an easy lesson and this one won't be either. I go to shops and feel so helpless, looking at things knowing that I want them and that I can afford them but... I can't buy them. It's hard to describe but it makes me feel like I am under a shelter. In the moment at the store I feel childish and frustrated and now, typing this I feel safe and protected.

This just in to gackty news center...

Just as I was about to click on the big red X, Jan logged in. She's home and tired and I'm so honoured that she logged in just to say hi.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Hangin' around...

I sent an IM to a random newbie in the newbie group I am in. His name was Klaus19 something.

[23:50] Emilee Gackt: Hi there.
[23:55] Emilee Gackt: Getting things figured out well enough?

Based on this we can say that Klaus19 is one or more of the following:
  • Camping (he has no payment info on file).
  • Counting his huge stack of Lindens.
  • Not much of a talker.
  • Just buried in IMs from people who adore avatars with numbers in their names.
  • So clueless that he can't figure out how to respond to an IM.

If I got to know Klaus19 and we became friendly, would he make me call him Klaus19 or could I just go by the more familiar 19?

Couldn't his mother come up with ANY other names besides Klaus? And my goodness woman! 19 of them?!?

I am reminded of two things...

Thing 1:

Thing 2: Somewhere over the months that I have been in SL I overheard someone say something close to this: "Anyone with a number in their name automatically sucks."

Klaus19 should create a new account and use one of the names from instead of Klaus19.

Complete, total, utter surprise.

Congratulations! You have been partnered with Jacquelin Mazi. This change will now be reflected in your in-world profile.

I was so happy-shocked-giddy-surprised-confused-relieved! I had no idea this was coming. I had even forgot that SL had a feature like this. Leave it to Mistress to use her noodle and come up with something like this!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Thank goodness for autosave on Blogger...

...and thanks for nothing Cox!

Cox is my cable & Internet company. I lost my Internet connection at least nine times today. So many kind and charitable things went through my head when I was on the phone with Jason from Cox.

Jason told me that here was a problem reported at 3:00 pm for the entire Phoenix area. I was very impressed by how Cox had planned ahead since it was only just after 2:00 pm when I was speaking with him. Makes you think that maybe if they are that organized they could have scheduled the problem to occur with some other company's Internet instead of their own.

Why is it that whenever I call Cox, no matter when and for what reason, the man who answers is ALWAYS named 'Jason?' I must admit that talking to Jason was much better than talking to someone in India with a made-up American sounding name. When I asked Jason where he was located, he replied almost cryptically:

Me: Where are you located? Aren't you in Phoenix?
Jason: In the Midwest.
Me: Really? What part of the Midwest?
Jason: The upper part.
Me: Ah. The upper part.
Sheesh. Now I know what it's like to talk to me.
So to make a short story long, Internet seems to be back, SL seems to have survived without me and I have some catching up to do at work tomorrow.
I got an email and then an IM from Jan but not an SL IM. I had no idea that Gmail had IM. I was reading Jan's email when an IM popped up from her right there in Gmail. How cool!
So it turned out to be a pretty good night. Things are happy with Jan and I got to see Mistress (finally). Busy-ness, Cox and the weather have been coming between us lately.
It is so... something how Mistress can make me feel. So...
  • delicate
  • fragile
  • vulnerable
  • weak
  • filled
  • dependent
  • hopeful

She has this ability to know just what to do at just the right (or worst) moment to always keep me at the edge of my seat. It is just uncanny. I sit there typing with sweat forming on my forehead, nervous as anything, hoping I get this right and knowing that I probably won't. Her response is never what I expect it to be, which I am sure she knows.


Blogger has a dose of SL tonight. I keep publishing this and the spacing is all wonky. Let me try putting a dot on each line instead of a line break... one sec.


Well that sort of worked but why is it stuck in double space mode now? Oy!

Today, on Get Gackt:

I was poking around in the most bizarre bunch of shops you'll find in SL and I saw this blimp. I guess you can fly it but it seems too cheap to be an actual, flyable blimp. It's only $400L. Maybe I'm just too rich but it seems to me that any blimp worth having would be more than just $400L.


I'm not sure why this occurred to me but... y'know those pathetic, sex-crazed newbies who run around with nothing but a weewee sticking out? This would be perfect for them. It would put the other newbs with the standard, wrong-colored weewee to shame! It's absurdly huge, the wrong color AND you can customize the logo on it. I should start a business selling these... wait... they're all broke too. That's what makes them such a catch. Bad manners, ugly as sin and destitute!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

What happened today:

  • I got to see Mistress again after a worried filled weekend. My goodness the things that creep into a gackty mind are silly sometimes.
  • I was told to quit whining about having no friends online and go make some new ones. this is good advice on the face of it but it's tricky enough managing time between Mistress and Jan that I feel this moral conundrum about making any new friends. Where will I get the time that they would deserve? It's like I need a day between Tuesday and Wednesday.
  • I saw some pretty ridiculous things for sale. Who buys this stuff? But on the other hand, it's diversity like that that makes SL what it is. The good, bad and ugly all add up to a pretty wonderful place to be for me most of the time.
  • I saw a great dress and clicked on 'Buy.' Oops. That didn't really work so well.
  • I got an email from Jan. I feel so flattered by her which makes me feel kinda guilty sometimes. I'll do my best to quit that and just be glad that she likes me.

Monday, August 18, 2008

I got this IM today:

[12:04] Frank101 Tenk: hi, do you like me to be your sexual webcam-slave?

I responded with all the courtesy and respect I could muster:

[12:05] Emilee Gackt: You can't be serious.

He's been in SL for almost a year and a half and still has his newb hair, pants only (which is better than no pants I suppose) and no shoes. If he is as fetching in RL as he is in SL, he'll be a desperate, horny thing for a long time to come.

And this popped in chat:

[11:58] madigN Densmith: is a collar for you
[11:59] madigN Densmith: you like collar?
[12:01] madigN Densmith: i can master you with your collar
[12:01] Faith Jolles: i'm sorry, no offence to you but it takes more than a collar to master me[12:01] madigN Densmith: i am the albynus master
[12:01] madigN Densmith: the ancient
[12:01] Faith Jolles: a collar is merely a tool
[12:02] madigN Densmith: a collar is for join my strength with you
[12:02] madigN Densmith: is more that a tools
[12:02] madigN Densmith: is a symbol
[12:02] madigN Densmith: is a circle that join you with me
[12:02] Faith Jolles: respectfully, no thank you
[12:03] madigN Densmith: you can enter in my shanga
[12:03] madigN Densmith: circle of power

I couldn't help overhearing and offered my condolences:

[12:02] Emilee Gackt: You better get on your knees! He's the ancient albynus Master!
[12:02] Faith Jolles: HAHA
[12:02] Faith Jolles: yeah right!
[12:02] Emilee Gackt laughs
[12:03] Emilee Gackt: This may be your big opportunity to be with a broke, 5 month old newbie.
[12:03] Faith Jolles: LMBO

SL is such a diverse cross-section of the world. It's funny how I seem to meet the best and the worst but no one in between.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

What's a girl to do?

SL is funny how it creates dependencies on people. Jaan is vacationing and Mistress is away (as in 'not online right now') so I don't have much of anyone to just talk to. I tried stting around and sighing but that was less fun that it sounds.

I had the idea of working on a documentation project for Mistress and even that isn't really working. SL is being a bugger tonight.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Last visit with Jan before the great blackout

She leaves for vacation in the morning but still stayed up way past her avatar's bedtime to be with me. She's a sweetheart in a lot of ways.

After talking to Jan for about 90 minutes I TP'd home and saw my neighbor on the mini-map. Mistress met her about 6 weeks ago and said she was very nice. Ever since then I have been looking for her to introduce myself.

My goodness our neighbor is friendly! She is constantly entertaining guests. Or really, just one guest at a time. I peeked in just long enough to see that no, tonight is not a good night for a visit. Maybe next time.

No one's here...

Well I'm finally home and rested so I thought I'd log in for a bit. I have one or two thing to work on but having no friends at all online tends to make a pouty gackt.

[Insert a '/me laughs' here]

When I logged in I got a group IM from one of the book groups that I'm in.Some kind of promo/beach party thing I guess but they said they were giving away $15,000L to random people just for being there.

Being pretty random myself, I figured I'd go and be random at the party thing while I worked on my projects. Pfft!

It was full of:

[16:20] Joliet Hale: ♥(`'•.¸(`'•.¸ * ¸.•'´)¸.•'´)♥
[16:20] Joliet Hale: «´•.¸¸.•TP ALL YOUR FRIENDS •.¸¸.•`»
[16:20] Joliet Hale: ♥(¸.•'´(¸.•'´ * `'•.¸)`'•.¸)♥


[16:21] Joliet Hale howls! "AROOOOOOOoooooooo!" (this is accompanied by a fake sounding wolf howl).

They announced the winner but I never saw it in chat. There was just lots of this:

[16:25] Joliet Hale howls! "AROOOOOOOoooooooo!"
[16:25] Jackdog Snook: feel free to add me as a friend[16:25]
Claire McLeod: yay!
[16:26] Joliet Hale: hoooooot!!! CONGRATS!!!
[16:26] CarolKatie Underwood YAY CONGRATUATIONS!

I left. If they don't want to give me $15,000L fine! I don't want to stay at their dumb party!

[insert a '/me pouts']

A little catching up.

I'm finally home after a brief visit to the Office of Lost Luggage. Why is it so hard for airlines?

"I am getting on this plane. Please put my luggage on the same one."

Anyway, I logged in and found 0 friends online, which for once was a good thing. IT gave me some time to get caught up (mostly) on a few things I've been needing to do in SL.

WAY past bedtime for me so goodnight for now.

Friday, August 15, 2008

My worlds collided

And no one died. There wasn't even any bleeding from my ears. Tonight was a meeting I was dreading as much as I was looking forward to. My two reasons for living in SL - Mistress and Jan - finally met and I survived to blog about it.

The whole time I kept getting lost in the idea that both of them, both of you, were there in the house just for me. It was so humbling somehow and for sure it was very happifying. Now I've been gackt AND happified.

I've been away from home and my routine for so long and it will be good to get back into things next week. I've been in Seattle all this week and my best RL friend who lives in Portland drove up for a visit. We went to the Space Needle (she was too scared to go up) and the Pike Place Market (it was closed) but we had fun just walking and talking and shopping. They have Lush in Seattle! Woohoo!

Of course I finally got to see Mistress again after nearly a week - four or five days or so? Anyway, it was so nice to see her and so thoughtful what she said:

[22:14] Jacquelin Mazi chuckles lightly under her breath: "I pulled you away from jan didn't I?
[22:14] Emilee Gackt nods.
[22:15] Jacquelin Mazi: this is uncommon so you will express to her my apologies later.... normally I would not take you so harshly and quickly...

I just feel so much like skipping that the two of them finally met.

The ways that Mistress expresses emotion to me are precious. She skirts around it, not wanting to appear too un-Mistressy in the process, which makes the things she tells me so much more meaningful. And the things she feels are very much returned by the gackty one.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Two nights in a row!

It is so fun to be with Jan as things progress with LS and see her come unglued and then glue herself back together. As busy as I am and as much as I need to do, I am still glad we spent tonight together again.

Things I like about Jan

  • She likes me
  • She tucks herself in before she logs out for the night
  • She says the sweetest things to me
  • She is a kind, caring person
  • We can sit and talk for four hours and it seems like only a few minutes

Sunday, August 10, 2008


Mistress solved my crashing problem. I'll add that to her growing list of superpowers.

I just had to download a new version of the viewer that we use to make things 'stick' so to speak.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

What a nice night I had

I go in these cycles with Jan sometimes. It will be a few days and we'll talk just a little or trade comments on each other's blogs and then we'll have just a huge, long, marathon talk. Which we did tonight.

I am so glad we did but again, why did we not TP to the same place? Woulda been nice to actually see you as we talked...

Friday, August 8, 2008

MLE draws a blank...

What did I do in SL today? My goodness am I busy! My brain is at maximum capacity. I'm pretty sure that I have ideas and memories leaking from my ears.

I need to try to relax over the weekend. Lots of what I need to do for work involves other people but there is a good chunk that doesn't; that either gives me a chance to relax or an excuse to feel like I should be working.

It's funny in a text world like SL how a few words can be misconstrued, even by the person who said them. Is it just me that experiences that? I said something to Mistress and then it occurred to me that she might make some conclusions about what I said when really, there was almost no meaning to it at all. Then I launched into a very clumsy explanation (that was a lot like that paragraph is turning out to be) of what I really meant and didn't mean. She just rolled her eyes, textually speaking.

I am soooo tired

... and I have no friends online and I have soooo much to do, both in SL and RL. Why did I even log in?

Thursday, August 7, 2008

SL should have airbags

Circumstances under which SL will crash (for me at least):
  • I join a group
  • I look at group info
  • A cloud goes in front of the sun
  • I look at a group member's profile
  • Someone talks to me
  • I forget to say a little prayer to the Lindens
  • I open more than two notecards at once
  • I login

Bloggin' at the airport, again

This will be a semi regular thing for the next few weeks. I am in Seattle next week and in Louisville and either NYC or Houston next month. NYC would be WAY better than Houston. WAY better.

I had this idea that I would keep the blog open while I am in SL - oh my goodness the music in this airport is awful! - so I can type in a few notes about what I want to blog about. Great idea as long as the Internet doesn't crash like it did last night.

I just remembered what I had started last night but never finished. Mistress gives me advice and reminders sometimes. Usually she is being thoughtful and kind. Last night she told me about a lesson that can be taken from chess. You know, chess? The game? She said that in chess you need to plan your moves 5 or 6 turns ahead.
  1. That's why I hate playing chess.
  2. You might have to change your plan every turn.
  3. If she gives me that kind of advice, it is likely that she has something in mind where that advice will be very much needed.
  4. I hope I can put 2 and 2 together when that time comes.

Here is some easy math: Jaan = the best SL friend that a gackt could ask for.

One lucky gackt

I've been so busy this week and it is so nice to be able to have so much security in SL. Such true, caring and giving relationships.

Jan is so ever patient. I have to be so selfish with my time with her sometimes and she has so far been so understanding and kind about it. I had an odd thought tonight about my SL worlds colliding. Will they?

Mistress is a fount of caring, imagination, patience, and compassion. It is a sad thing that there is just the one of her and so many who will never know her as I do. I am a lucky one indeed.

I never know what she'll do next and it is so reassuring to not know. Somehow. Odd huh? It's like not having to worry about it is so relaxing.

I have so much to do by Friday! I've been working and flying and dealing with a/c repairs and have lost track a bit of all I need to get done. Ack!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Bloggin' at the airport

That makes me sound SO gen X. If I had a Mac instead of this laptop I'd be so gen X that I just couldn't stand it!

This is post 100 and I sadly have nothing much to say other than sometimes owning a house seems just barely worth it. But enough of that! Life is to be lived, not complained about, right?

Let's see... post #100... hmm...

Nope. Nothing big.

As I sit in the terminal watching people going by these things have popped into my gackty brain:
  • She not really wearing those shoes with that top is she?
  • She's too tall for those heels and why would she wear them with such a casual pair of pants?
  • That man needs a wife to dress him; why would he wear the same color pants and shirt? How about some contrast?
  • A cowboy hat with a suit? Hm.
  • It's nice to see some women in pilot's uniforms.
  • Oh my goodness those sideburns are absurd! Look at those things!
  • Oooh... think 'vertical stripes' and dark colors sweetheart. And maybe join a health club.
  • I feel so bad for moms travelling with a kid without a dad. Luggage and diaper bags and things strapped all over that poor woman and of course babies aren't the best seatmates on an airplane. BE NICE TO SINGLE MOMS ON AIRPLANES!

I am going to St. Louis for the next few days. The only flight I have ever missed (out of at least 100 flights) was in St. Louis. I am so bad with time zones sometimes. I was just sitting in a California Pizza Kitchen (I had the Kung Pao Spaghetti - yum!) talking with one of our vendors and realized my flight was in 30 minutes. I was about 40 minutes from the airport and it was rush hour. The Drury Inn by the St. Louis airport is not their best location by far.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Post #99

Yep. This is my 99th post. I'll have to plan something really big for my 100th blog posting. REALLY big. Like maybe a really huge font size.

In the meantime, here is something really big. Wait... not big. It's ironic. It's going to take some doing to show this. I'll need a screenshot and then I'll have to upload it. Gimme just a sec...

Almost there...

Remember my last post? About how I keep people waiting for me? The one where my modesty really shined? Ok, take a look at this:

Just in case that is too hard to read it says that I have 0 (as in zero, goose egg, nada, nil, none, extremely few, less than one) friends online.

So that should give you a good idea of what I did with myself in SL tonight. Lots of hand wringing and muttering,"Where can they all BE?"

Easing back into SL after an expensive homeowner's weekend

The A/C leaked all into the ceiling of the bathroom below it and now the drywall is a soggy, sagging mess. I spent TOO much of the weekend crouched in the attic taking my turn with the wet/dry vac. Bleh.

Anyway, Jaan was waiting for me when I logged into SL. That makes me sound pretty dang self-centered doesn't it? I keep people just sitting there waiting in SL, wringing their hands and muttering things like "Oh were can she BE?"

Yeah right.

Regardless of how great I am (or perceive myself to be) it was great to see Jaan and forget about the mess in the bathroom for a while.

Friday, August 1, 2008

All of a sudden

I got home - we went to a place called Z Tejas and then went to lok at new cars of all things - and then watched a movie called Saving Grace. It was very cute even though it was about drug dealers.

Anyway, I figured I'd jump onto SL and do some... SL and now that I'm here, no one else is. I have 0 friends online and all of a sudden I am so sleepy. I'm going to do a few things and hope for someone to login. Hello? Is anyone home?

Kind of a milestone for me

I hadn't seen Mistress for a few days and when I saw her to day she gave me this stern look. The kind that just melt me into a puddle. She grabbed my collar and forced my eyes to hers and told me that I had been...

Ready for this?

... good.

It is almost funny how my heart was just pounding in RL. I had been trying so hard and finally (!) I made it. No essays, no lines, nothing. Just a fun time with her.

Just after this she got an IMs from a man in England asking her to control his 'wanking and orgasms.' She gets this kind of thing so often and it is amazing to me how patient she is, even when people consistently turn out to be just looking for a quick thrill. He will just have to find another way to control himself.

Usually when someone like this approashes Mistress, she shares her conversation with me and asks my feelings about the person. Is it an alt, is this person serious about this, etc. She and I have the same conclusions most of the time now but she generally has a much bigger picture of it all than I do. Still, I feel validated somehow when I have the same conclusions that she does. It's like getting an answer right in class.

Gotta scoot! Fridays are usually 'out' nights for me so I am going 'out.'