Sunday, January 25, 2009

I am finally out but not really free at all...

As it got closer and closer, she counted down my time from about 17 minutes:

Time Remaining is: 17min 10sec
Time Remaining is: 10min 0sec
Time Remaining is: 8min 5sec
Time Remaining is: 5min 15sec
Time Remaining is: 4min 25sec
Time Remaining is: 2min 5sec

and then...

Time Remaining is: 3days 0hr

I felt shock at first. Doesn't SHE want me out of this suit too? Isn't it a punishment for us both?

Then I was just surprised that she would be so cruel. But my perception of her being cruel... wouldn't that involve the dreaded T-word? So I decided to just have it be another three days in the suit. I forced myself not to look ahead, to just look at the 'now' of it and be hopeful and obedient. The challenge with this was that sometimes Mistress wants to see me struggle with things and to suffer. Goodness that is an ugly word. There is learning and growing in suffering; she doesn't have me suffer for the sake of cruelty. It is the opposite. She has me suffer so I will be closer to her. If you aren't me you will probably never understand that.

[11:06] Emilee Gackt: If you truly mean for me to stay another three days in this suit I will of course do it and I would do it even if it wasn't locked on. I will hate every moment of it and will type my mantras and I will miss you desperately. I will miss you as much as I hate this wretched suit.
[11:08] Emilee Gackt: You have taken away my anger, my confusion, my frustration... all I can do is what you tell me to do.
[11:09] Emilee Gackt resists her feelings at first and then begins to softly weep.
[11:10] Jacquelin Mazi holds you very tightly kissing your nose lightly: " you have made me very proud... I am glad to have my lil gackty girly back finally"

This one one of the times where she melted me with just a few words. I felt such relief at being let go and at being so cared about and cared for. I was just overhwelmed that it was over, just like that and that there was affection and care and love waiting for me.

After it ended she asked me to lie in the bed with her. She was explaining a few things and then:

[11:43] Jacquelin Mazi: this moment here... is the point

It is about her and me, together happily. She leads and I follow.

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