All these feelings I'm having are being forced to grow so quickly, like they are being forced out of me and then so quickly beaten down. I guess I just feel numbed by everything that I feel. Completely overloaded to the point of either not realizing what I feel or not caring.
Not realizing what I feel ---> permanently in bane suit
Not caring ---> permanently in bane suit
Sorting out what I feel and interpreting it all ---> permanently in bane suit
Coming to grips with my real status ---> permanently in bane suit
I've lost sight of the end of this. Again.
Do I try to trust in Mistress that this is best for me (---> permanently in bane suit) or do I simply exist like this because she put me here (---> permanently in bane suit)?
This sounds like grumbling or complaining but I don't feel like it is. Grumbling or complaining has intent, at least for me. I complain as a persuader, to try to get something. Right now there is nothing to get. There is only existing here, typing lines.