Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Not sure what this means

All these feelings I'm having are being forced to grow so quickly, like they are being forced out of me and then so quickly beaten down. I guess I just feel numbed by everything that I feel. Completely overloaded to the point of either not realizing what I feel or not caring.

Not realizing what I feel ---> permanently in bane suit
Not caring ---> permanently in bane suit
Sorting out what I feel and interpreting it all ---> permanently in bane suit
Coming to grips with my real status ---> permanently in bane suit

I've lost sight of the end of this. Again.

Do I try to trust in Mistress that this is best for me (---> permanently in bane suit) or do I simply exist like this because she put me here (---> permanently in bane suit)?

This sounds like grumbling or complaining but I don't feel like it is. Grumbling or complaining has intent, at least for me. I complain as a persuader, to try to get something. Right now there is nothing to get. There is only existing here, typing lines.

No comments: