Regret

[10:18] Jacquelin Mazi nods slipping out without a word to leave you to your mantra and feelings and my words to consider

It has taken so long for me to begin to understand. I won't say that the time I've been with Mistress has been a waste. That is far from what I feel. It has been a privilege to know her. I wish I'd been more open a few months ago so that right now I'd be closer to her.

I wish I'd appreciated the freedoms that I was given for what they were. They were gifts from Mistress and I was silly with them. I tried to find loopholes and ways around her rules. No wonder I am in this awful suit. I honestly believe this is helpful. I know it is.

I feel like a child and a parent at the same time. I feel foolish for being punished and regret of course but I can so clearly see the wisdom in all this. All the pain and frustration sort of purged what needed to be purged. Mistress wants me full of her ideals and and her words, not full of my planning and scheming. The idea of that is irresistible to me.

I'm not sure children feel this but I am full of love for Mistress for what she is doing to me. It is hard and lonely and boring sometimes. I guess those are the times when I am not focusing on her. Being in this suit isn't so bad when I really stop to consider what the outcome of this will be. I am motivated to go on by the possibility that I can make her happy by enduring this.

When I was first locked in, I was motivated only to complain and beg for her to let me out. If she had, I'd have learned nothing. Because she didn't I will be able to be closer to her when the time comes. For now I love her from within this suit.

I was just logged out of SL. "The region you are standing in is going down." I guess I didn't see those chat messages they send because of the suit? If I log in again, where will I end up?

*shrugs*

I ended up right where I was in the first place.