One of the nicest people in SL:

i recently blogged about needing a lag free zone in SL (don't laugh; Mistress assures me that they do exist). A day or so later i got this IM:

[2009/05/31 0:07] Izo Pakula: (Saved Sat May 30 12:59:14 2009) Hello, our place is, I think, not too laggy, and you're almost never online at the same time as us. If you need a non laggy place, tell me and i'll send you a LM of the house (and I'll set the alarm of :-))

This really was a very thoughtful gesture. Welcoming Mistress and i into her (Izo's) home completely alone... what an amazing level of trust Izo has. On the other hand... it isn't like i:

• WOULD do anything there that would be inappropriate or...
• even COULD if i wanted to

Still, it was a very nice thing of her to offer.

Mistress decided that i needed to be gagged tonight. i don't exactly remember why, just that She felt the need. So for a good part of our time together, all i could do was emote (or just blubber out nonsense in chat). After one of my first attempts at an emote She gave me this critique:

[9:02] Jacquelin Mazi: it was a poor emote.... we do not read your thoughts[9:02] Jacquelin Mazi: we don't know what you 'realize'[9:02] Jacquelin Mazi: we only see reactions[9:02] Jacquelin Mazi: nothing more

Very true. But up until now She has worked so hard on getting at what is in my head that it seemed almost natural the way i put whatever i had said. So... two sets of emoting rules:

• One for every day emoting and...
• One for gagged emoting

Izo sent me an IM while i was gagged:

[9:21] Izo Pakula: :-) It's a holiday in France tomorrow, who knows, we might at one point be online at the same time[9:21] Emilee Gackt: *** IM blocked by sender's viewer

[9:22] Izo Pakula laughs and thinks indeed: sometimes it sucks to be a slave ;-)[9:22] Emilee Gackt: *** IM blocked by sender's viewer

She is a clever one isn't she? Clever and kind and French even. Mistress asked me to make sure that Izo knows that she may contact and even befriend Mistress if her Master would allow it.

When i TP'd Desire, i was trying to be proactive and helpful. That was slight... hmm... misinterpretation?

[10:04] Jacquelin Mazi: I appreciate that you felt you would use common sense and try to please me.... a few bonus points for that....[10:04] Jacquelin Mazi: however[10:05] Jacquelin Mazi: this particular type of action was wrong[10:05] Jacquelin Mazi: if it involved you doing something FOR me... I appreciate it.. but... if it involves you doing something for me with or around other people? be VERY careful

It is oddly appealing that things are so difficult with Mistress sometimes. Just being with Her in casual situations is a challenge (in a good way) but sometimes i get so nervous with Her that i feel like i deprive Her of some parts of me. i want to make Her laugh just like i do with Jan and my other friends but i get so wrapped up in so much else that parts of me just whither sometimes.

Hard for me to get this point...

This was Mistress' response after i asked my 3rd question of the evening (morning for her):

[8:06] Jacquelin Mazi: if you have a question... you write it down and ask when I am finished with you.... do you get that yet?

Please keep in mind that this quote is completely out of context and makes Her sound like a complete ogre (which maybe is what She had in mind) but in my mind, the way this conversation progresses, this would have been a perfectly reasonable thing for anyone in Her position to say.

We spent a lot of time sorting through my voluminous wardrobe tonight. She said that we got about half way and that we'd pick up with it again next time. [my most excited voice] i simply can't wait! It is a small frustration for me that when Mistress puts something on me, i can't really tell her how i usually like to wear or what i like to wear it with.

One of the things i need to do is work on the names of a few folders. i had them all named for Her benefit and not mine. i tried to pick names that were succinct and still descriptive. She told me to change the name of one folder and it seemed at the time that it was for my benefit but now that i've had a chance to look, it was clearly and obviously for Hers... as it should be.

She found a few of my outfits that barely measured up the Her standards. This is the part where it sucks to be a slave. Two of the four that she said were barely OK are two of my favorites. Like She always says, sometimes it sucks to be a slave.

Mistress gave me a project tonight and almost acknowledged that it was impossible. i need a sim with no lag for Her to finish the wardrobe project. One challenge is obvious - no lag in SL? Hah! Another challenge is that when She would switch from one outfit to another, i had no lag at all so finding one with no lag will be a challenge.

Three possibilities so far:

• Fame (seems to be ok lag-wise but rated PG)
• Waterhead
• Kapor (mostly underwater and rated PG but if you are underwater when you change clothes, who would see?)

i did a quick check of Waterhead. It was almost too laggy to move. i've been to Fame before and it was almost always empty but the few people i ever met there were oddballs.

Another challenge:

[8:17] Jacquelin Mazi: hm.... I'm not thrilled with the material... the cut is okay... but as a general rule.. I dislike ruffles and frilly things.... and sheer... so this one barely makes the cut

So the tricky part of this is that a long time ago, Mistress said that a white lace top i have was one of Her favorites. Not ruffly or frilly but it seemed to me that it would be in that general category.

i just TP'd to Fame (which seemed to have no lag but to me, neither did the house) and landed in a giraffe race. See what i mean?

i have two outfits that have maroon jackets (see below). In the folder that Mistress uses to pick what i wear, they have similar names and so it is hard for Her to tell the difference, especially since one is all on the shirt layer and one is all on the jacket layer. i was apparently wearing two layers from different outfits when She looked at them.

Outfit-Jns/Maroon Jkt

Outft-Jns/Maroon

When Mistress asked if i had any last questions i *really* wish i had asked Her how to name these two to avoid any more confusion.

The Manila Daily Star

A typo-free evening?

i logged on with a goal tonight but after i considered it, i realized that i couldn't do it by myself. i'd need someones 'help' with it. i am going to try to get through an entire 'session' in SL with no typos. A bit optimistic? Perhaps but a lofty goal is better than no goal.

Typo count so far: 0
Time in SL: 12 minutes
Lines of type: 2

Off to a solid start!

Time in SL so far: 31 minutes
Typo count: 0
Line of type: lots

First typo: 7:03

Being with Mistress is most often a varying experience. It is calm sometimes and even fun and it is sometimes unnerving and stress inducing. It was right about 7:03 that She reminded me (again) of how good She is at what She does in SL and how stress inducing She can be. Despite it all (and there was much of it) i still managed to end the night with only a few typos, probably fewer than 10.

So here is a fair question... why did i feel the need to give myself this little challenge? i've raised the bar unnecessarily and even blogged about it. At this point i will have no choice but to type with as much care and attention from now on as i did tonight.

That phrase 'from now on' can be a powerful one:

• From now on, you will only be allowed to breathe on days that end in a Y.
• From now on, you will receive an allowance of $1000L a week.
• From now on, you will type with one finger.
• From now on...

You get the point by now i am sure. It is strange that i have put myself into a position where someone like Mistress has the ability to wield such power in only 3 words and it is also strange how i am learning to adapt to what She wants from me. Adapt and be strengthened really.

Guess You had to be there.

My next career?

i was doing Scramble today for the first time in a long time and i must say i was a bit rusty. Either that or they made the words harder.

[0:33] GS: Scramble: No solution found. The answer was 'RAMOLLESCENCE'.

Who in the world has ever heard of ramollescence? Sheesh.

i was Scrambling for about 40 minutes when Jan logged in and we continued our interrupted time together from yesterday. Just as She logged in, i was wondering how much Scramble would pay as a full time job.

Not much.

At the rate that i made Lindens today, i would make $18L per hour. That works out to $5760 per week and $288,000L per year (assuming a 50 week year with two weeks off for vacation of course). That's $1107.99 in US dollars. It looks like i should keep my day job for now.

They also have Hangman at the place i went today and though i wasn't playing, i noticed that this word popped up:

[1:11] GS: Hangman: No solution found. The answer was 'SUBMISSIVE'.

i haven't seen Mistress since before i took a few SL days off over the last weekend. i am beginning to feel that hesitant state of concern that will either be interpreted as genuine concern or misinterpreted as my being needy and clingy. i do look forward to seeing Mistress and i want Her to feel the same and that is what makes our relationship a challenge for me. i depend on Her too much sometimes to give me things to do to please Her but it is hard to be proactive at times. What to do?

The Manila Bee, attempt 4

Something isn't right

My last post is proof that Blogger is a bugger. i'll work on getting that fixed right away.

The Manila Daily Bee

OK... let's try this again.

The Manila Daily Journal

More from last time

my last blog post was really far too brief given how happy i was that Mistress was so pleased with me. The last time we had together was special for a few reasons:

• i truly believed for the first time in a long time that Mistress was pleased with me and my efforts and...
• ...it was the last time i was going to log in to SL for a a few days and so...
• ...i was very happy that i was able to start the 'break' on such a good note.

Now i am worried that i have 'raised the bar syndrome' and that i don't have an encore. Mistress gave me some things to do and i did a few things on my own but at this point i am nearly tapped out. i'm not sure what to do for my next trick.

She is apparently planning on me getting latex at some point and so i had the idea of looking for a hair style that is 'latexy.' i looked on a few websites and the models' hair is either pretty much like mine or they have that soaked with sweat, stuck to the face look which i am sure Mistress would not much care for.

Then it occurred to me that i'd need shoes if i was ever to be all done up in rubber. i was smart enough to check my inventory before i went browsing around and it looks like the ones i have will do (assuming that Mistress approves of them of course).

So two projects ticked off as complete almost as quickly as they were conceived. i am a dynamo of productivity.

Gackty 2.0

Can it be that i am finally getting it?

[1:01] Jacquelin Mazi: good girl.... now let me tell you my feelings on your performance for the past week....[1:01] Emilee Gackt takes a breath and steadies herself. "Yes Mistress, i'm listening."[1:02] Jacquelin Mazi taps your nose emphasizing each word: "Very..... *tap*.... very.... *tap*.... very.. *tap*.... good... *beeps*

i've never gotten this many nose beeps all at once before. i'm not sure that this will mean much to anyone but me but it made me happy. It is as motivating as is it satisfying.

i owe both Mistress and Jan my thanks for their patience.

The Manila Daily Tribune, late edition

Yep, i did it again.

This is second time in a little more than a week that i've slept right through the time that i was supposed to be online. It's partly because time is so nearly meaningless here. It's one time for me in the 'Pines, it's another time at home, another time for Mistress and Jan and it kind of just boils into a mess where i am literally sometimes not sure what day it is.

All this is made worse by the fact that when i go to work on a Monday night, it is for the Tuesday shift, even if my shift on Monday starts at 7 PM. So i go to work for Tuesday on Monday night and come home on Tuesday and it is still Monday in the US. It's just a blur.

Anyway... that's just an excuse. The fact is that i was late. Again.

i've always hated that method of emphasizing something. Using one word sentences. Lame.

Blindfold shopping

Things i hate about shopping for a blindfold:

• It's boring
• They are harder to find than you would guess. They are a bit more obscure than most of the standard things that people look for in SL.
• It's a lot of work to keep the picture straight with the description of where i took the pic.
• i'm sleepy
• Once i find the perfect one (or at least the one with the fewest flaws), there is no doubt that Mistress will use it on me and i *hate* blindfolds. SL is too visual a medium to be cut off from.

Things i like about shopping for a blindfold:

• Mistress will be pleased with the effort and hopefully with the outcome.
• Umm...
• Mistress will be pleased with the effort and hopefully with the outcome.

The Manila Daily Herald

Correction on the happy news from Manila

We'll be together until Tuesday night SL time, not Monday as was previously reported. Get Gackt and its parent company, Mazi Holdings, LLC., apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

It's the thought that counts?

There are SO many ways that this phrase is wrong for me right now...

i was so proud of myself trying to be SO proactive and do so many things for Mistress and one of the things She asked me for slipped through the cracks. We've been working on my list of rules (38 as it stands now) and she asked for two lists, one that had them divided by section and another that listed them in what i perceived to be the order of importance.

i did the first part which was of course the easiest but for some reason, my eyes never fell softly upon Mistress' request for the second list. Actually they did fall softly but when they saw Her request, my brain softly forgot all about it.

So much for my feeling proud of myself, being proactive, etc. i just need to pay attention.

#1 on the list? Any guesses?

Actually it was kind of a tie. The most important rules that Mistress has made for me are those that affect my mind. Everything starts and ends there. If someone has you by the brain, the rest should follow quite easily.

The Manila Daily Review

Happy news from Manila

i'm getting a surprise from home in the form of... Mr. Gackt!

We're moving to a nicer hotel for the weekend (Friday through Monday night) which is in a much nicer part of town. From there we're not sure... we may go to Cebu or Palawan or just stay in Makati (the nice part of Manila) and relax. Woohoo!

Also finding a colorable blindfold in SL is more of a challenge than it seems. i guess it is more of a boutique item and not so much a Walmart thing, huh?

Wow

SL is REALLY laggy and things take FOREVER to rez!

Mistress had a conversation last night (the night before?) with a total idiot. i won't mention his name but his initials are Cory Lemton.

Mistress had responded to a group IM from someone asking for help and said he was new to the 'game.' That has always been a sore spot for Mistress. By any definition, SL is not a game. You can't win, there are no teams, no rules, no goals, points or objectives. Nothing about it is a game unless you play a game IN SL. In that case, SL still isn't a game. It is where you meet to play the game.

Cory was offensive from the very first sentences that drooled from his mouth and from then he just prattled on and on, making an oaf of himself while Mistress replied with logical, well reasoned points. The discussion ended up being sort of a draw really since neither Cory (who was clearly wrong) or Mistress would concede anything the other was saying but in a way Mistress won. At the end of the day, she gets to go to bed knowing that she is smart and well spoken and Cory gets to live his entire life as an offensive oaf.

I'm keeping track now

As soon as Mistress gives me something to do (or hints at it or if an idea pops into my head about it) i make a list and a commitment to finish it as soon as i can. Today's list (actually it is from last night):

• Find Mistress a colorable blindfold. It turns out that i had one in my inventory already in a box of freebies that someone gave away when She closed Her shop (Dari's House). They aren't freebies in the traditional SL sense; these are things that She used to sell for kind of a lot of money. This to do item is marked as semi-done until Mistress gives me Her opinion of the blindfold.
• i have about 12 corsets in my Inventory (i got a package deal on corsets a long time ago). Mistress said She wanted to go though them all and maybe delete some from the RLV folder. i took a pic of each one and will either post them here (unlikely) or put them on one or two pages and email them to Her (more likely).
• She mentioned that she liked a few outfits i had and asked where they were from. i told Her, made a note on the LM and sent it along to Her.

Blogger's spelling suggestion for 'colorable' is 'Clarabelle.'

The Manila Daily Report

Now hear this!

Mistress can see 76 folders in Her RLV folder, menu, pages... whatever it is that She sees... She can see 76 folders, not all of the 79 that i have in there at present. Probably the next time She is online we'll clean things up a bit and remove some duplicates and some things that She isn't particularly fond of.

We spent today going through all 76 folders, one at a time. When i logged in, the first thing She put on me was the Bane Suit. i shuddered, She laughed. She was just testing things and hadn't decided to banish me yet again.

Oh - i totally missed Madeline's SL party for Her RL birthday. She originally told me it would be Sunday morning SL time and then sent an invitation a day or two later. When i opened it late Saturday night i saw that She had changed the date to Saturday night at 8:00 SL time. Oops. Sorry Madeleine, if You're even reading this.

Things i saw tonight that are just a little too weird for me

Me calling something weird might be a case of the pot calling the kettle black. Or maybe i'm preaching to the choir? Oh well. either way, here is my list of one thing that seems weird to me:

SL tai chi

Maybe it helps to wear high heels and clubbing clothes to really get the relaxation of it.

i went back to Apollo for another visit. Chili truly was right. It is one of the most beautiful spots in SL. i like that attracts the elite of SL. The most well put together, sophisticated, intelligent and well spoken people in SL tend to gather there. An example is this IM that i got after being there for a few minutes, feeling a growing calm and inner peace as i watched the tai chi people.

[8:20] ShogunLord Toshi: hmmmmm nice ass

Gackt Airways flight 1973 coming in for a landing at Apollo.

i heard from Ellery tonight. She's working on the list but was a bit surprised at how long it is. Block out a day or two to finish. *winks*

i've said before how odd it is to me to see people treat Mistress like any other Mistress. If they knew what i knew about Her, they'd give everything they could to belong to Her. i need to do a better job of transferring what i feel about Mistress and what i know about Her to others.

A very recent addition to my rules

The rule:

No more than three caffeinated drinks per day.

How i fear people will perceive it:

"That's totally overboard Emilee. You should be able to drink what you want, when you want. SL is SL and RL is RL!"

How i perceive it:

Mistress knows that i've been having trouble sleeping lately and started taking a sleeping pill before bed. She feels like if i'd not drink 6 Starbucks and 3 Coke Zeros in a day, i might be better able to get some rest. i appreciate Her being a bit forceful in having me do something i should be doing for myself.

The spell checker in Blogger recognizes 'decaffeinated' but not 'caffeinated'. Even Blogger agrees that i should be decaffeinated.

The Manila Bulletin from yesterday is incomplete. At around 3:00 AM i had the shuttle take me to Starbucks but didn't excede my daily limit.

The Manila Bulletin

Two invitations at once

Talking with Chili tonight and she invited me to come see Apollo, which is very probably the most beautiful place in SL. Really absolutely stunning but don't tell anyone! It is already crowded enough. At the same time Chili offered to TP me, Izo invited me to her home in SL.

What an honor for me to be so requested!

Talking with Izo, i was surprised to see a similarity in what we both endure. She has to write lines and essays just like i do but hers are with a pen! Ack! My hand would fall off.

We actually ‘met’ for the first time tonight and we were pleased to see that we’re both normal people and not the typical SL slave, dressed in silks or some slutwear and cuffs. Later on she said something and cursed her English (she speaks French as her native language) but to me, she put it perfectly:

[16:48] Izo Pakula: Comes with what we were talking about earlier about clothes for slaves or subs. People play first, like bad actors. Then realize it's not a bad theater, but they stick to their character

While we were talking, her partner logged in. i’m not quite sure what to call him. Partner, Master, Owner, Bill… *shrugs*

We talked more about doing lines and how effective they can be.

[16:52] Bill Stoneage: I'm working on some new ideas for them to make it less boring
[16:52] Izo Pakula: drawings?
[16:53] Emilee Gackt: That's very considerate of you to do.
[16:53] Bill Stoneage: sort of one forward, one backwards two forward, two backwards
[16:53] Izo Pakula don't even understand
[16:53] Emilee Gackt: Simultaneously, one with the left and one with the right hands?
[16:53] Bill Stoneage: nope
[16:53] Izo Pakula starts laughing
[16:54] Emilee Gackt: My guess is that He means one line would be 'i will be good' and the next would be 'good be will i.'

my guess was correct:

[16:55] Bill Stoneage: I like writing lines .............. lines writing like I ...........I like writing lines .............. I like writing lines .............. lines writing like I .............. lines writing like I

Then He had this idea:

[16:56] Bill Stoneage: I always like the idea of moving a letter at a time from front to back
[16:57] Bill Stoneage: a good deterrent

And i had this idea:

[16:57] Emilee Gackt: Let's not mention any of this to Mistress, shall we?
Then i had to be honest:

[16:57] Bill Stoneage: I'd have thought that you'd mention it to her, emilee
[16:58] Emilee Gackt: Well honestly i have no choice but to blog about all this you know.
[16:58] Izo Pakula: Big Evil takes over :-)
[16:59] Izo Pakula: Now that is hard!
[16:59] Emilee Gackt: What is hard?
[16:59] Emilee Gackt: Having to blog about it?
[17:00] Izo Pakula: Yes, forced to give ideas :-)
[17:01] Emilee Gackt: Well it is always better not to withhold from Her
[17:01] Bill Stoneage: nope

It was fascinating talking to the two of them. i felt somehow validated and sort of… a camaraderie knowing that Izo endures much of what i do. They both said it was well done, which was humbling somehow. i don't really feel a lot of ownership of the blog since it was Mistress' idea and it is really written for her. i am glad that people are finding it useful/interesting/not totally objectionable.

i still have a few things on my list to do yet:

• I IM’d Rain (the landlord) about the ejector seat for the house and SL crashed (again). I’d have liked to keep a log of the chat between Izo and i but thanks to SL, it’s gone.com. i know it was an SL crash this time (and last time) because i got those crash logger pop ups.
• I have a few lines to do but i’ll finish those before i get a little sleep
• I need to compile my rules for Mistress and i want to be thorough about it so i am scanning through my saved copies of our conversations to make sure i have everything. Very time consuming so far.

And for my next act...

This is my impersonation of...

...Allison Hannigan, whose name it took me *forever* to remember.

One of the buggers of SL

Mistress has mentioned before that there should be standards in SL about clothes and prims and such. If there were i would be having this problem:

There are *no* panties in SL that don't peek over the tops of most of the pants i have in my inventory. i just bought 2 new pairs - cut so low that they are almost more off than on - and still they show.

i even sent a group IM to Fashion Emergency and no one replied. No one. Thanks a lot everyone. For NOTHING!

The best thing to do at this point i suppose is just to try to dress as modestly as possible with that limitation in mind. Tops that are tucked in or high cut pants perhaps.

Lots and lots to do!

A list from Mistress of all the things i need to catch up on:

1. blogs
2. typing test
3. 100 lines for being late
4. list of rules
5. latex assignment
6. shop for lingerie
7. Report on Larysa and Ellery
8. find a better spot at the place we met Larysa
9. get the property ejector from Rain

According to Mistress, she is starting to fee like this:

"I can't keep track.... I need a 2nd slave to watch over you to remind me what you have not done"

i committed to Her to get all this done tonight so back to SL with me!

Lots of things, seemingly random

Mistress and i had a chat with someone who sent her a random IM, looking for an abusive home. All throughout the conversation, one of a few things kept happening:

• i'd be typing as we would talk and the conversation would progress to the point where what i'd typed wasn't relevant or...


• i'd type something that was so full of errors that i'd need to fix so much that by the time i was ready, what i had typed was old news or...


• i'd type something and re-read it, not like it and start over.

After the conversation was over Mistress expressed Her frustration about how quiet i was the whole time:

[8:10] Emilee Gackt nods her head seriously. "Yes Mistress, thank You for telling me. i found myself at a loss for words a few times and typed and re-typed what i was going to say until it was irrelevant."

[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: never re-type
[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: it takes too long
[8:11] Emilee Gackt nods.
[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: and I DISLIKE waiting
[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: go with your heart
[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: instinct
[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: action and reaction
[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: no thinking

i know better than this.

[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: you know better

See? Even Mistress knows that i know better.

As for as re-typing as a matter of clarity:

[8:12] Jacquelin Mazi: I want your first guess
[8:12] Jacquelin Mazi: I don't care how foolish it looks or sounds

So there we are... the first rule i ever got and i needed a review on it. Sheesh. At the end of all this Mistress told me to find a typing test and check my WPM. i am already embarrassed by the results and i haven't even taken it yet.


Mistress has given longer, more detailed versions of this and the next time She does, i'll expand this, but for now, may i introduce to your attentions please, Mistress and her views on D/s:

I feel there are three parts to effective Dominance in SL: animation, imagination and text.

First and most important possibly is text. If you can't write or create an intelligent sentence... *shrugs*... it becomes confusing and unnecessarily convoluted. Its why I expect and ask for emotes as well as you being very clear and direct with all you say and do with me.

The animation in SL is often very cheesy, but it has its uses. With the proper text surrounding and good imagination, this *points to the nearby furniture and trees* can feel very real.

Mistress gave me a challenge today to see if i can go 7 days with no zaps, no punishments, no corrections. i'm not sure i even have gone that long but on the other hand, i am not sure She has ever given me a challenge like this. i do want to win.

Time is a complete blur to me. i am in a far away time zone on the opposite side of the earth from nearly everyone i care about and the times here are the opposites of what they are at home. In fact, in Mistress and Jan's case, it is exactly opposite. Noon here is midnight where they are. It is hard to remember when day and night is since i am never sure which day and night we are talking about.

i've started taking a sleeping pill at bedtime (which for me is at about 9 am Manila time) to help me stay on a schedule. Sometimes the pills work too well. i slept right through the time that i had told Mistress i would be online. i missed by two hours in fact. Ouch.

i immediately started on my punishment, even though She hadn't given me one. That didn't much matter. i'd kept her waiting and so i knew what was coming so i started on 100 lines about being on time. Mistress logged in while i was still working on the list. i was in the 70s as i recall. i sent Her the list and She reacted:

[6:07] Jacquelin Mazi: so... to clarify.. wait... what is this?
[6:08] Emilee Gackt sighs pathetically. "i was trying to be proactive Mistress. i wanted to reply to Your email with that as the attachment."
[6:09] Jacquelin Mazi: you did not explain what this is... do NOT dance around your words... you know better.. what is this?

i hate when i do that to Her.

[6:10] Emilee Gackt takes a breath to try and clear her mind. She starts again, fighting to keep from being so nervous. "It is the start of 100 lines Mistress. i felt that You would appreciate it if i was proactive with it."
[6:11] Jacquelin Mazi: I will give you one more chance to explain fully... so far, you are bouncing around what this is... do not do it again... say it

i felt like that one was pretty clear.

[6:13] Emilee Gackt starts again, frustrated with herself. "i kept You waiting when i should not have. i was not here when i should have been. Common sense tells me that You would have given me lines or some other punishment so i started the lines before You assigned them. It is the beginning of 100 lines. It is a punishment."
[6:13] Jacquelin Mazi glares trying to keep a serious expression.. then suddenly laughs loudly clapping and rolling her head back
[6:14] Jacquelin Mazi: PERFECT!!!
[6:14] Jacquelin Mazi smiles ruffling your hair: "GOOD GIRL!"
[6:15] Emilee Gackt lets out a long, relieved breath and lets her face dissolve into a smile. Her hands begin to tremble at the sudden release of so much stress. 'Thank You Mistress. You have no idea how relieved i am!"

i just melted into a pile of quivering nerves.

The first time i wore this outfit, Mistress told me that it was one of Her favorites. When we went to meet Larysa, i put it on expecting Her approval and instead got something more like indifference. What did i learn? Mistress has the right to be fickle, change Her mind and/or be inconsistent.

Oh and by the way, Mistress is one of the most trustworthy people i know.

The Manila Journal, Late Edition

The daily list...

...will include substantially fewer trips to Starbucks. On Sunday, i had 6 (six!) Iced Caramel Machiatos and no, i didn't at least get the small ones. i got the biggest ones they sell.

Untill further notice, i am on Starbucks restriction, limited to one per day.

The Manila Daily Times and Review

The daily times

Mostly about expectations

[9:03] Emilee Gackt looks up, happily surprised to see You again so soon. "Good morning Mistress."
*zap*
[9:03] Jacquelin Mazi: don't talk to me until I give permission... I thought that rule was clear by now

Interesting about this... i express emotion and zap! Time and place for everything, right? Actually it wasn't the emotion part that got me zapped, it was the words part.

[9:00] Izo Pakula: (Saved Sat May 09 06:47:40 2009) Hiya, are you ok? Maybe it's not my business, but you "sound" a bit down. Mmmh... I'm hesitating before sending that IM, but after all, it's SL, and if you think that question is stupid or intrusive, you just don't answer :-)
[9:02] Emilee Gackt: Wow you're actually online when i am.
[9:02] Emilee Gackt: Thank you so much for asking - i'm fine!
[9:02] Izo Pakula: lol I'm pinching myself :-)
[9:02] Izo Pakula: Good :-) I'm happy to hear that

Izo either has a lucky guess or is remarkably perceptive. Things had been a bit off with me lately and i hadn't intended to blog about it because of the impression that would leave of Mistress. Izo seems to have picked up on that but by the time she asked about it, everything really was fine with Mistress. In face Mistress told me to add Izo as a friend, for real and not just a blog friend.

Mistress kind of laid how things i do make her feel. Out of these:

• small mistakes I can accept
• bigger mistakes will earn you punishment
• constant small mistakes will frustrate the hell out of me
• bigger mistakes will just piss me off more and more

i am most worried about the small one because so many of the dumb things i do are almost unconscious, like there is too much on my mind - the zap at the beginning of this entry is a perfect example. i truly don't want Mistress to have the hell frustrated out of Her and so i'll need to be more careful than i ever have been.

i just had an idea about my blog that i wish had when i started it. i could have been stealing from Friends and titling each entry like they titled their episodes. Today's would be "The one about expectations." Oh well.

i had committed to Mistress that i'd log in today at 3:00 PM my time. At 2:30 i went across the street to feed my very serious caffeine addiction at Starbucks. It is literally just across a street but it is in the far end of the mall but 30 minutes should have been more than ample time so i added in a stop at Shopwise to get:

• Double A batteries
• 1 bar of soap
• 2 kitty collars (odd that i'd need those, isn't it?)

i so picked the wrong line at the grocery store. of the 2 people in front of me:

• 1 needed a price check and the bagger who went to get the price moved with that eternal Filipino patience - soooo slowly
• The other was paying with a credit card for 4 bags of laundry soap but he wanted them rung separately for some reason. One of the most toxically inefficient processes in the world is how they ring things up in the 'Pines. The cashier had to go to the Customer Service desk 4 times for this one person, once for each transaction.

Sometimes all you can do is just shake your head. Luckily at this point i had already gotten my Starbucks so i could hurry straight home. i got here and logged in 4 minutes late.

i got a lfmao and a lol today:

[0:11] Ariana Rush: anybody know where to find really animated aos for women?
[0:11] Ariana Rush: not jus stiffy poses but like swaying etc
[0:12] LahLah Lebed: SEmotion
[0:12] Trinity Beltran: semotion, discord
[0:12] Trinity Beltran: maitreya
[0:12] Emilee Gackt: Just move your monitor back and forth. Effective and free.
[0:12] LahLah Lebed: lmfao
[0:12] Trinity Beltran: lol emille

The lol i believe but that lfmao is clearly an exaggeration. She really laughed until her ass fell off? It seems unlikely that:

• What i said was that funny
• Her ass is now off
• She'd be able to re-attach it without considerable cost, effort and assistance

There are some things that i don't blog because they are either too personal or too private between Mistress and me. Lately we had been missing each other and i am glad to say that it appears things are as they should be again.

The latest times

i switched to a bigger font to try to make these easier to read and somewhere between Excel and Blogger the increase in size is lost. Oh well. You're welcome anyway.

A new belt and a lmao

The new belt:
A few weeks ago someone is SL came out with the latest and greatest in SL chastity belt technology. Mistress took me to see it and when we got to the vendor we looked at it for a few minutes and what Mistress finally said was a bit ominous. As i remember it, She said:

"Say hello to your future."

When i log in now it goes through this whole start up routine (along with countless other things i have locked on to me):

[0:04] Emilee's belt whispers: Belt still initializing - be patient!
[0:04] Emilee's belt: Touch Emilee's belt or type "/9eg" for user-menu!
[0:04] Emilee's belt whispers: Initialization completed, belt is fully operational!

Part of Her Mistress-ing is a mystery to me. She has forbidden me from sex in SL (not that She really needed to in the first place) plus i was already wearing a chastity belt when this one came out. This new one was rather expensive but She had me get it anyway. She hasn't used it yet (as far as i know at least) and She never much used the old one. So... why bother with a new one?

As i have have pondered and meditated on it, it seems that when She heard about it or perhaps saw it in action somewhere, She decided that She wanted one for Her slave too. It is like i am the doll She gets to accessorize. The point isn't that She does or doesn't use it; the point is that She wanted me to be in it and so i am in it until She unlocks it.

The lmao:
[0:13] Yurika Andel: Anyone know where I can get a plate of pizza rolls. My newest outfit just demands me to stand next to some.
[0:13] Eve Petlyakov: mmmm...pizza rolls
[0:14] Soar Wingtips: does anyone know where you can get circle templates for different sizes?[0:14] Emilee Gackt: Go to Chochkies from Office Space. They have pizza rolls, pizza poppers, extreme fajitas AND flair.
[0:15] Eve Petlyakov: lmao

The times resume

What Mistress expects

Effort

Going beyond what is expected. Acting on what i know Her to enjoy... taking steps to get it, do it or be it for Her.

Being Understood

This isn't peculiar to just Mistress. Everyone wants to be known and appreciated and understood. She wants me to express that in what i do and not need to be reminded.

Not to have to repeat herself

This is an area of particular sensitivity to Mistress. She *hates* having to repeat herself and God bless her patience at having such a forgetful slave like me.

Control

She enjoys knowing that i might be made to suffer for Her, knowing that i have no choice because it shows Her that i love Her.

She has a gift that i lack. Many in fact but most especially make Herself understood. When She told me all these things, there was weight and depth to Her words and they were heavy with meaning. What i've put here is a poor reflection of what She said and i've had a few hours of sleep. She said all these things after working all night and putting up with the trials that only a gackt can create.

Some irony

One of the things that i try to tell my Filipino tech support agents is to use fewer words when they talk to Americans. There is already a language barrier and when they try to use big words or construct complex sentences, it just makes things worse and the impatient Americans become impatienter.

Mistress summed things us today with this list of reminders:

1. Effort
2. Optimism
3. Probation
4. NO unnecessary words
5. tests

i almost always realize that i have questions just a few seconds too late. Just after a food server takes my menu away or just after someone from the phone company hangs up. Or like today, just AFTER Mistress logged off i realized that this instruction counters something else She has told me to do. Does this supersede that? Is this a temporary thing or is this to be ongoing?

i will switch off my verbosity until i am told otherwise.

If people had SL names in RL:

dot Glom: No... for the last time, I'll spell it for you! My email address is dot.glom@gmail.com. That's d-o-t dot glom... no you don't spell out the second dot. That one's a real dot. My name is dot and then you type the dot...

Aspen Denver: Yes I'm from Colorado. What was your first clue?

you Wasp: Should I be offended? This sounds so much like i'm being accused of something.


Enough names for now... they released ANOTHER RLV viewer and i downloaded it yesterday. It works fine for me as long as i don't actually try to run SL with it. The good news is that the tech support people i am training told me about something that HP offers that removes unwanted programs and files from your computer. Hopefully if i have them do it i will crash less. Hopefully.

Are these too hard to read? Too boring?

Leave a comment and i'll adjust accordingly. If they are too boring... hmm. i'll have to add some drama to my Manila exploits.

Here's something:

These are on the menu at McDonalds in the 'Pines. You can't see it in the picture but they call fried chicken 'Chicken McDo.' The 'o' in McDo is pronounced like the 'o' in McDonalds. Very odd.

Daily blogs, continued...

Daily blogs, continued...