Fearful and hesitant

I don't want to let myself believe that I got closer to it today because I don't want a setback. I want to belong to Mistress utterly but to admit that I do has such frightful implications.

• She would truly control what I do
• She would tell me when to do it, who with and so on
• I really would have only the ability to act and react, no thinking - just pure 'me'
• Mistress would own every part of me in SL
• REALLY truly own it

It is hard to let someone in that deeply. Actually it HAS been hard and now it seems more like sliding down a steep hill. I have this idea of what is at the bottom but something tells me that when I land in a messy heap that it will be different than what I imagined.