Monday, November 9, 2009

The way things have been for me lately

For the last week or so, this was about all i could see of SL:



i tried all the standard stuff to try and fix it - clearing the cache (whatever that is), rebooting, reinstalling - but nothing worked. i even tried a new SL viewer, Emerald, and that didn't work. Mistress somehow got it working but then again, Mistress has magical powers.

So now that i can actually get into SL, this is literally what i can see:



This is the product of Mistress' magical powers of course but it seems symbolic in a way. i see all this blurriness and at the same time i have forgotten what it is to make Her happy and to have Her be pleased with me. i've been busy, distracted, traveling, etc, but the fact is, i have been letting things slide to much and too far.

Oh and by the way, sending a crash report doesn't seem to help at all. It just takes longer to end up being frustrated.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

An unsolvable mystery

i am still a member of the land group from where the house was and i got this group notice tonight:

Someone in the group has left something in the winter kiosk. You may want to remove it before I find it.........
Thank you,
Rain

So the mystery is what it is. Actually there are a number of mysteries:

- What is the 'something' that was left
- If Rain hasn't found it, how does she know it's there?
- What will Rain do if she finds it before the person who left it there retrieves it?
- We had a winter kiosk? Where is that?

What perplexing bunch of mysteries.

Also perplexing: My career as a dancer.

What if Jan came to see me? i would be mortified. Maybe that is part of what Mistres has in mind? And Jan, please don't feel not welcome to come and see me in dance prison. You are always welcome to come see me or to not to. A little mortification never hurt anyone, right?

i've been waiting for help from a friend with the application but i am at a point where i just need to give it my best effort without help.

/me sighs. Wish me luck everyone. All two of you.

p.s.

i didn't mean for this post to sound so downbeat. just kinda came out sounding like that.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Friends

i just watched an old episode of Friends (which is good to point out because ALL episodes of Friends are old ones) where Chandler and Monica decided to move in together and Rachel wasn't all that disappointed because she was sure that it would never happen. Monica assured her that it was going to happen.

Kind of the same things happened with me today with Mistress. She assured me that yes, the dancer job IS going to happen. i didn't really believe that until i read what She had to say today.

The conundrum goes on. How can i please Her as a dancer when... how can i become good at something when i feel so utterly, totally, completely unprepared and unqualified for it? i guess i'll find out when i find out.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Well... here i go...

i went to the Twisted Orchid tonight and got an application to be a dancer. The application is so long, i should get paid just for applying and completing it. Sheesh!

It really is a dreary place and i will be the first to admit that possibly what i need here is a kick in the pants to motivate myself. On the other hand... even with the swiftest kick i can only be so motivated to dance for customers like these:




Mistress was right when She called this a conundrum.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Murphy's law

i logged in this morning and was delighted to see Mistress log in a few minutes later and then delighted again when Jan logged in a few minutes after that. Of course i had to tell Jan that i was with Mistress and of course She understood (as usual). It seems so long since i've seen either of them.

The big news today was a choice i was given. Maybe it is better to call it a dilemma. Mistress had arranged for me to be admitted to an SL prison.

**Side note**
According to a mutual friend, Mistress' RL has been quite busy and apparently hard to manage lately and so Her time online has been less than in the past.

Mistress felt like this prison 'sentence' would be best for me in her temporary absence and intermittent times online. Honestly i agreed until She explained it a bit better.

It is easier to get into the prison than out of it and while there it is unlikely that i would see Her much. i would only interact with the staff. The way She made it sound, i might not actually get out at all.

So over the course of our conversation, my fate in SL boiled down to two options:
1. Prison
2. Get a job dancing

Here is the odd part. If it weren't for the possibility of losing Mistress (and my friends), i would take the prison term over the dancing in an instant. i really abhor the idea but on the other hand, if it makes Mistress happy to see me dancing, then i will become a dancer.

i also have to admit that there is a lot of curiosity about this prison and what makes it so bad.

According to one lunatic we met outside the prison, the worst thing is that there is a particular Mistress at the prison who wishes RL cancer on your friends. Long story... obviously some language barriers and misunderstandings there but Mistress (my Mistress - not the lunatic or the so-called cancer wisher) showed Her remarkable patience once again by trying to have a sane conversation with this person, even though it was decidedly one sided.

Friday, October 16, 2009

The application...

i have the application for the place where i will serve my sentence as a dancer... god that sounds whiny. Please accept my apologies and permit me to start again...

-----------------

i have the application for the place where i will serve my Mistress by dancing and i asked a friend for some help with it. She is better at this sort of thing than i am and will be able to give me some coaching on the answers.

i looked at the posts from the last week or so and after i re-read the one with the pics of the clientele from the club (Twisted Orchid), i had the idea that it might not be a bad idea to spend a little time at the other option Mistress gave me, a place called House of V.

i am truly hoping that in this case, V doesn't stand for venereal. What would be worse than a case of virtual VD?

It probably really doesn't matter though since Mistress told me long ago that She wouldn't allow Her property to be used in that way.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Possible job opportunity in ranching

Who'd have imagined that with my lack of experience i would ever consider a job at a ranch?

i was at the Ranch today - yes, THE Ranch, and noticed there was an admin there and so we had a short chat about what it takes, how you get to be one, etc.

At this point, all it takes to start the process is Mistress' approval.

i have to say that if this works out, i will be challenged by the need to be fair and patient and forget my pet peeves and be objective.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Off on another trip

Only 4 weeks this time and the way things have been going lately, 4 weeks probably means 3 days and an assignment to a new project. Anyway... i leave (supposedly) a week from today and (supposedly) i get to come home on weekends.

We'll see when we see i guess.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

my last post...

...was supposed to be from Saturday and i wrote it, spell checked it and did everything that a conscientious blogger should do except click the 'Publish' button.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

What i am going to start calling Mistress:

i talked with suzi for a little while today and she said a few interesting things but ended with this:

[7:15] Suzi Zaytsev: welcome, my love to Miss J.

If i started calling Mistress that, i can just imagine how it might go:
emilee Gackt: Hello Miss J.
Jacquelin Mazi raises an eyebrow.
emilee Gackt: How are You this morning?
Jacquelin Mazi smirks. "19,000 lines: i will remember to address Mistress properly."

suzi and i talked a little more and she said a few memorable things about Mistress. Hearing what she said made me smile proudly and happily.

[7:06] Suzi Zaytsev: but do tell Miss J. She made a huge impact :)
[7:07] Emilee Gackt: How did Mistress make an impact? Didn't you just chat that one time?
[7:07] Suzi Zaytsev: yes !
[7:07] Suzi Zaytsev: lucky you sis :)
[7:07] Emilee Gackt smiles.
[7:07] Emilee Gackt: i know.
[7:08] Emilee Gackt: Thanks for saying so
[7:08] Suzi Zaytsev: SHe is quite a Person :)
[7:08] Emilee Gackt: Yes She is.

i didn't change any of what suzi said. Mistress really is that remarkable of a person and as bad as i am at showing it, i deeply realize that suzi is right.

Friday, October 9, 2009

The road out of SL homelessness?

[2009/10/08 18:06] Emilee Gackt: Hi. You must get this question a lot but do you get paid for modelling here?
[16:29] lindsey Hutchinson: (Saved Thu Oct 08 22:58:46 2009) yes i am

lindsey was modeling at a shop and when i asked her my question she was AFK. So now the big question is... do models get paid a decent wage or is it more like camping?

[16:34] Emilee Gackt: Thanks for your reply. Who would I talk about details?

Silence...


Hey look!

[16:51] lindsey Hutchinson is typing...
[16:51] lindsey Hutchinson: Diana Flanagan is our manager
[16:51] lindsey Hutchinson: tc

So, the next step was to:

[16:53] Emilee Gackt: Hi... i talked to one of your models and she gave me your name. Do you have room for one more model?
[16:53] Second Life: User not online - message will be stored and delivered later.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

i never would have guessed this.

[17:50] Suzi Zaytsev: (Saved Wed Oct 07 03:53:16 2009) sorry emilee, but Miss Kim sold me yesterday

What odd timing this is for me. About a week ago Mistress 'sold' me to a mutual friend and i was just engulfed in so many different feelings about it.

*Where the heck is the bullet point button in Blogger!?!*

i guess i'll just make my own bullet points. i felt...
- saddened
- disappointed on Mistress' behalf that the best She could manage to do with me is to get rid of me
- happy that really She was keeping me
- scared of a few things. That i was really going to have a new owner, that i really was just property to someone.

When it all ended and i still belonged to Mistress, i felt somehow deflated. Over the hour or so that Mistress and the friend negotiated for me, i resigned myself to a new and scary future and when i realized i would return to my safe, familiar existence, i honestly felt some disappointment and i still hate that i felt that.

And now suzi was sold and in her case, i know for a fact that it was for real. i am as jealous as i was disappointed but on the other hand, if she knew the Mistress i have and what happens between us, it would be suzi feeling those same things.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

well i'll be dipped in buttermilk!

That picture from my last post DID work! Now i am having a double lucky day!

my lucky night.

i logged on after loading the second new version of RLV in about 2 days and when i got here there was a present waiting for me. It was a green lacy top from Style Starts Here and i have no idea why or how i got it but the good news is:

- Green is an approved color
- It is lacy in the style that i feel like Mistress will like
- It was free (woohoo!)

The bad news is:
- Blogger is messing up. The gibberish below is what i got when i tried to upload a pic of the top
- There is no 'Bullet Point' button
This blog will probably never even post so why am i bothering to even type it?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

FINALLY met with suzi...

Yeah... so she talks to Mistress in the context of looking for an owner and Mistress tells her that i would contact her. So eventually we connect, she sends me a TP and when i get there, suzi is being inspected by a potential buyer.

That might have been a good time for her to say something like 'Now isn't the best of times for me, perhaps later?'

This must be how i make Mistress feel sometimes. suzi didn't display the most common sense in the world by TPing me and i know there are times when my common sense account is at a negative balance.

/me shrugs.

Oh well. Maybe next time.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Tried again with Suzi

Still not having much luck there. No luck in fact.

Jan told me about a pretty neat website/thing in SL. It makes an avatar from a photo that You... upload? input? i don't know really because when i got to the place in SL that does it (Avatar Island) i realized that my skin was custom made for me and 'glued on' by someone Mistress knows. So the custom avatar job? Probably not for me unless Mistress approves which i am not at all sure She will since She went to the time and expense of having this one made.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Bought and sold like a piece of luggage

When i logged in i felt the same nervousness, fear, excitement and anticipation that i always do. Being with someone who always has such high expectations and low tolerance for mistakes is always a challenge. Still, i was glad to see her – as always – and kissed her in the symbolic and sincere way that i always do. The fact that She let me was a glad thing for me.

[8:07] RR Ballgag 1.13.1 whispers: Emilee Gackt's RR Ballgag 1.13.1 has been locked by Jacquelin Mazi (Type Tight).
[8:07] RR Ballgag 1.13.1: You've been gagged... You are authorized to speak on channel /1 only

When She gagged and blinded me i felt like i had gone too long without doing anything for Her, that i had let RL take too much time from her and that She was understandably upset. Even if She was un-understandably upset, She can be and do as she pleases. That’s why She’s the Mistress.

Here is a list of what Mistress decided for me this morning:

[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to rez from inventory
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to TP to LM's
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to TP using Map
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to TP to Friends
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee may TP to Friends for only Jacquelin Mazi
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to receive IM's
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee may receive IM's from Jacquelin Mazi
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to send IM's
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee may send IM's to Jacquelin Mazi
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see chat
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee may see chat from Jacquelin Mazi
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to type in chat
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to set environment
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to fly
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see names
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see location
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to touch far objects
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see worldmap
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see minimap
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to use Inventory
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to read notecards
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to stand once seated
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to wear more clothes
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to remove clothes
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to sit >1.5m
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to edit/build
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to shout
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to talk normally
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to whisper

There are two ways to look at that list. You could say that i have a lot of freedoms since it is such a long list, or You could say how terrible it is to have all that taken away. i have to confess that i am usually somewhere in the middle, depending on how close… how dependant upon Mistress i am feeling. It seems like that should be a constant.

I hate being blinded. It is too limiting and restricting to be ‘fun’ or a challenge. Being gagged is a challenge and so i can approach that state of being with some enthusiasm as i would any challenge but being blinded is just awful.

[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: animals cant nod.. they cant grasp simple gestures... all they can do is make noise
[8:12] Emilee Gackt whimpers slightly, sighs and then grunts shamefully.

This is what i am to Her? After all this time? This is both degrading and somehow a thrill to me. Doesn’t She feel ANYTHING for me? The fact that She has kept me for nearly a year and a half must mean that She does and so to hear Her talk like this… very confusing and it makes me reach for Her through the distance She has created.

This was the hardest part:

[8:17] Jacquelin Mazi puts up a for sale sign near you and waits

Being blind, i could only guess that She really had put up a sign. I had no reason to feel that She hadn’t but what about the 18 months? The time She had invested in me. Was this a test? A trick?

To clarify what follows, when Mistress gags and blinds me, SL can make it ‘real’ by hiding names and keeping me from talking. All i see on the screen is black and sometimes a faint glimmer or sparkle. All through this experience, i was totally blind.

[8:55] This person: You're selling that? (This was someone talking to Mistress)
[8:55] An agent: Yes.. one moment please (This was Mistress)
[8:55] This person: np
[8:56] An agent: Sorry... back now.. yes, its for sale... I've had it over a year.. it doesn't cheat and will not vanish

She really was serious. Really for real. I was shocked. All the emotion and time and energy and everything else was now a matter of a few Lindens.

[8:57] This person: How much? (the prospective buyer)
[8:57] An agent: Name your price. Its negotiable. (Mistress)
[8:57] This person: 10L LOL!
[8:57] An agent: hm.. very high for a useless thing like this... *smiles*
[8:58] This person: Seriously? Then 5L?
[8:58] An agent: No, I couldn't let it go for that little. Sorry... realistically, what is a slave like that worth to you here?

Am i just a thing to Her, just to be sold like that? She has been saying that since we met but this is different. This was words put to action.

[8:59] This person: Realistically? 10,000L considering how rare a slave that stays over a year is.
[8:59] An agent nods
[9:00] An agent: but you don't plan to pay that do you ? *smiles*
[9:00] This person: No, sorry. Realistically, 1,000L
[9:00] An agent: 3,500L

This was Mistress’ counter offer. 3,500L is worth a little less than $14 dollars. Now the confusion begins, the not understanding myself, the fear, excitement…

All the emotion, everything i mentioned before, She was willing to take $14 for all that? How shocking and how sad and how strange that of all the things i felt, what i felt most was a deeply grave thrill. Like i was facing death and not blinking. That makes me sound heroic somehow and i was far from that but i felt helpless and powerless and because of that, i felt like i had no choice in it. Since it was inevitable, i felt somehow excited.

I never begged Mistress to keep me. It never occurred to me even ask. What was clear was that She was done with me and i was about to belong to ‘This person,’ whoever that might be. How could i possibly feel such a thrill at this? How dare i feel excitement, even the scary kind?

I was finally about to become what Mistress had been saying i would become for so long. I was about to be sold for real money and become someone else’s slave in as real a sense as SL allows.

I’m ashamed that i felt anything but loss. I felt what i felt though and Mistress would be most unhappy to have me hide that, even then. Especially then.

‘This person’ turned out to be a mutual friend of Mistress and i. i was never for sale although this is the type of experience that will keep me guessing about the next time this sort of thing happens. She said She didn’t have in mind to do this when She logged in and called it a ‘dinner theater.’

i’m not sure there is anyone i know who wouldn’t have been mad or hurt by all this. Leave it to a gackt to feel:

• Relieved
• Happy
• Astonished
• Sad, that i had disappointed Mistress. This was the second time in a few weeks that Mistress has brought tears to my eyes. The last time it was because She said i was invaluable to Her. This time it was because i was only worth $14 to Her.

When She makes me cry – i say that like it is a regular thing but really it has happened twice – i feel tied to Her so much more closely. Crying is such a release for me, especially since it is so rare in my world. Being brought so low and filled with emotion until i just burst is invigorating. That Mistress has this power over me is dreadful to me and euphoric. It makes me permanently Hers even though She showed me today that i am Hers only for as long as She chooses to have me.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

The last few days in the life of the gackt

[20:13] Jaan Dubrovna: Emilee!
[20:13] Jaan Dubrovna: How are yu?
[20:14] Emilee Gackt: Good thanks.
[20:14] Emilee Gackt: What a weird few days i've had.
[20:14] Jaan Dubrovna: reallu?
[20:14] Jaan Dubrovna: really?
[20:14] Emilee Gackt: You type like me all of a sudden.
[20:14] Emilee Gackt winks
[20:15] Jaan Dubrovna: I was in the middle of uploading 4 textures at once
[20:15] Jaan Dubrovna: SL doesn't like to do too many things at the same time
[20:15] Jaan Dubrovna: and I still haven't rezzed
[20:15] Emilee Gackt laughs.
[20:15] Emilee Gackt: All gray and no hair?
[20:16] Jaan Dubrovna: so far just a big cotton ball
[20:16] Emilee Gackt smiles.
[20:16] Jaan Dubrovna: whew, there I am
[20:16] Emilee Gackt: How will you make clothes to fit a cotton ball?
[20:16] Emilee Gackt: Oh good.
[20:16] Emilee Gackt: So i left Sunday for Cleveland...
[20:17] Jaan Dubrovna: okay
[20:17] Emilee Gackt: Flight canceled, flew to Chicago, waited forever, left for Cleveland, got there about 11:00 Monday.
[20:17] Emilee Gackt: 11:00 am
[20:17] Jaan Dubrovna: okay
[20:18] Emilee Gackt: At his point it is a 25 hour trip, just to get there.
[20:18] Emilee Gackt: *this point
[20:18] Jaan Dubrovna: like the Phillipines sheesh
[20:18] Emilee Gackt: Yea
[20:18] Emilee Gackt laughs
[20:18] Emilee Gackt: So i get to the hotel... no wait...
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: i stopped at Target and bought a case of water, granola bars, stuff for training, etc.
[20:19] Jaan Dubrovna: okay
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: THEN got to the hotel at about1 pm
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: Went to sleep
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: Got a phone call at about 4 pm
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: My boss' boss.
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: Never good when a VP calls you directly.
[20:19] Jaan Dubrovna: uh oh
[20:20] Jaan Dubrovna: I guess not
[20:20] Emilee Gackt: So the client cancelled the training .
[20:20] Emilee Gackt: i had to fly back the next day.
[20:20] Jaan Dubrovna: oh, you are kidding
[20:20] Jaan Dubrovna: :shakes her head
[20:20] Emilee Gackt: So i left for the Cleveland Airport and got a call from another client while i was on the way.
[20:21] Emilee Gackt: i told him i'd take care of him at the airport when i could get on their wifi.
[20:21] Emilee Gackt: Returned my Kia Rondo rental car, got to the airport...
[20:21] Emilee Gackt: One sec - Dave's home
[20:21] Emilee Gackt: Be right back
[20:21] Jaan Dubrovna: kk
[20:26] Emilee Gackt: So THEN....
[20:26] Jaan Dubrovna: so then
[20:27] Emilee Gackt: i get to through security, go to the gate, find a plug get unpacked, turn on my laptop...
[20:27] Emilee Gackt: No wifi.
[20:27] Jaan Dubrovna: amazing
[20:28] Jaan Dubrovna: must be every other airport in the country has wifi
[20:29] Emilee Gackt: So i figured i would just call someone at work in AZ and have them take care of it for me and i would go read and have lunch/dinner for three hours.
[20:29] Jaan Dubrovna: sure
[20:29] Emilee Gackt: So i go to my Blackberry ('cuz i'm cool like that) and go into my contacts...
[20:29] Jaan Dubrovna laughs
[20:30] Emilee Gackt: ...which is full of names from the Philippines. Not a single US name in my phone.
[20:30] Emilee Gackt: So i sat and sighed for a while.
[20:30] Jaan Dubrovna: oh, too funny
[20:30] Emilee Gackt: Then - brainstorm!
[20:30] Emilee Gackt: i'll look in my received calls in my phone!
[20:30] Jaan Dubrovna: there you go
[20:31] Emilee Gackt: All the numbers where i work start with 446 so i'll just look for people who called me from a 446 number, right?
[20:31] Jaan Dubrovna: okay ...
[20:31] Emilee Gackt: Turns out, when you call from where i work, an 800 number shows up, not the direct dial number.
[20:31] Emilee Gackt: More sighing.
[20:32] Jaan Dubrovna laughs
[20:32] Emilee Gackt: Then the client calls me and asks me if i've decided anything yet.
[20:32] Emilee Gackt: i decided that i would rather not be in Cleveland.
[20:32] Jaan Dubrovna laughs
[20:33] Emilee Gackt: So finally i remembered that there is a man at work who has my old number.
[20:33] Emilee Gackt: i called it, got him, had him give me the name of every relevant person i could think of.
[20:33] Emilee Gackt: All the managers, my boss, departments heads, etc.
[20:34] Jaan Dubrovna: yeah
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: probably 9 people.
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: Every single one of them was away from their desk.
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: i left 9 voice mails. 'Please call asap, thanks.'
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: Only 1 person called me back.
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: Sheesh.
[20:34] Jaan Dubrovna: that is funny
[20:35] Emilee Gackt: But i FINALLY had somone to hand this problem off too and for the trouble i rewarded myself with a big greasy cheeseburger at the airport restaraunt.
[20:35] Jaan Dubrovna: yum
[20:35] Emilee Gackt: Which i am pretty sure is spelled wrong.
[20:36] Emilee Gackt: Let's call it a cafe.
[20:36] Jaan Dubrovna: Sigh
[20:36] Jaan Dubrovna: so you made it out of Cleveland alive whew
[20:36] Jaan Dubrovna: that is funny Emilee
[20:36] Emilee Gackt: Barely.
[20:36] Emilee Gackt laughs
[20:36] Jaan Dubrovna: i bet you didn't find the humor at the time though
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: Oh no... i was in stitches.
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: Really.
[20:37] Jaan Dubrovna: well good
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: Busting a gut the whole time.
[20:37] Emilee Gackt laughs
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: So today...
[20:37] Jaan Dubrovna: yes......
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: They tell me i am going back on 10/12.
[20:38] Jaan Dubrovna: back to Cleveland?
[20:38] Jaan Dubrovna: wonderful
[20:38] Jaan Dubrovna laughs
[20:38] Emilee Gackt: Yep. Round 2 of Cleveland vs. Emilee.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Some days it just isn't meant to be...


i had nothing but trouble with SL today. Crashes, relogs and such and i even reloaded RLV and this is the thanks I get?

After one more try i got that message about my clothes still downloading. i am not sure my hair ever completely rezzed today. i had hair but it had turned prematurely (and hopefully temporarily) gray. Ah well, better luck next time, right?

Saturday, September 19, 2009

With Mistress this morning

She had to leave quite abruptly but before She left she ungagged and unlocked me. She knows this i am sure but in a way i was disappointed to have Her release me. There is an odd closeness and dependence that she removed when She unlocked me.

Officially homeless

Mistress and i officially moved out of the house this past week so i've been looking for some nice laces for Mistress and i to meet. There are plenty of places to pick from but my 'requirements' (odd that a slave should go around requiring things) are:
  • It should have relatively low traffic numbers (so there is low lag and a low horny newbie quotient)
  • It shouldn't have too little traffic; having an encounter with a potential slave worthy of Mistress' time and attention wouldn't be a bad thing.
  • It should be nice looking for Mistress and not have blaring neon signs and freebies everywhere.
  • There needs to be somewhere to for Her to sit in a pose that isn't compromising or lacking in dignity.
i have few places landmarked but Mistress will need to approve them before i call any of them 'home.'

Mistress sent me a note of a very brief conversation She had with someone named Suzi Zaystev. Mistress had a quick chat with suzi and asked me to meet her. i've been unable to find her online and since i can't IM at the moment, i have two options:
  • Keep hoping to catch suzi online, or...
  • Send suzi a notecard.
Sending a notecard seems like the easiest thing to do and it also seems almost like cheating in a way. Mistress gagged me for a reason and passing notes is a loophole that evades Mistress' intent.

On the other hand, if i were gagged in RL there is nothing that would prevent me from scribbling a note to communicate. In fact i sent a brief note to Jan a few nights ago. That one seemed different somehow though. Jan was online and suzi hasn't been so with suzi it seems more legitimate.

suzi's profile says that she is for sale for $5000L and it seems like that is for real. How fearfully thrilling that must be. It looks like her owner has an SL business training and selling slaves. That is an entirely different level of existence than what i have been experiencing in SL. Mistress is harsh sometimes but on the rare occasions when i earn some of Her affection i feel cared for and truly bound to Her.

Being something for sale would be such a tenuous, worrisome way to have to live. Humiliating and belittling and all those things that SL slaves say they want but it seems to me like it would be a case of regretting what you wanted once you actually got it.

Mistress asked me to write about my feelings if i were bound in RL as i am in SL. She cuffed my legs but left my arms free and gagged me so tightly (there are levels of tightness that obscure your speech dending on how tight it is; loose = recognizable muttering, tight equals total gibberish) that i can't talk to anyone in chat and turned off my IMs.

She gave me a task and told me to write about my feelings. At first i tried to imagine how a slave would feel - frustrated, helpless and so on. About half way through it i realized that i was maybe imagining the wrong this. i started over and wrote about how *i* would feel. Again, all i have to go on is imagination but if it were me in RL having to do what i had to in SL, my most dominant (so to speak) feeling or emotion would be kind of a thrilled sense of adventure. Probably i will never know for sure.

i sometimes forget the obvious when Mistress gives me assignments and i hate that my mind gets so clouded with stress and ideas about what to write and how to put things that my attention get diverted from what She originally asked for. As an example, She put me in some Gorean silks when she cuffed me and when i wrote about my feelings, it never crept into my busy little mind to include that and my feelings about it having to work when i am only barely dressed.

For the record, i would feel a little of the thrill i mentioned before but mostly feel like i would have some indignation about it. Maybe this is telling about how far my RL is from my SL but all that i have to offer and THIS is what She has me doing? Parading around mostly naked while i pack boxes?

Of course that is probably Mistress' intent - for me to explore how that would feel. Again, it seems less than likely that i will ever know for sure.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

About Mistress

Mistress had a short meeting with another potential and it ended too quickly. The poor girl didn't know what she walked away from.

Mistress is hard to be with and that very thing is what is most magnetic and captivating about Her. i am lucky that i sort of eased into a life with Mistress. i am not sure why it worked for us. In a way, i picked Her and She accepted me and things just clicked for us.

All the times that things have been miserable for me with Her, all the lines and essays and recently even tears (yes - tears from the emotionless emilee gackt!) have been obstacles for me. They have all gotten in the way of being with Her. If i could have managed to do as She asked and expected, who knows where i'd be now?

She is hard to be with perhaps but for me She has been totally addictive. All those miserable times have been worth it somehow and the thing that is the hardest to explain is that all those miserable times paved the way for even more miserable times.

Odd.

This slave that walked away from Mistress IM'd me tonight. She said 'hello Miss.' i sent her a note but i wonder what she wanted. i can't IM or chat at the moment so the note was my way of not ignoring her.

There is one other that Mistress told me about but i am still trying to catch her online.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

The long and winding #RLV road

i sent an IM to the RLV group about how to access the #RLV folder in my inventory using my collar. After finally finding out what brand it is, people had a few suggestions:

  • Use the RLV button in the menu (i don't have that button in the menu)
  • Use the 'outfit' button (i won't see that until AFTER i get to the RLV menu
[6:29] Emilee Gackt: i don't have either of those buttons in the menu.
[6:30] lauren Zipper: then you have been locked out


When i was asked what brand the collar is, i checked it in my inventory. It is a i belong to Jacquelin Mazi model, so people said to go to edit to find the creator and go to his store to see if there is a help notecard available. Someone even sent me a LM to the store (Captive Elegance):


Bottom line: RLV is an impossible dream for me.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Lists

i sometimes go to a website where the guy who writes it just fills it with his top ten lists of whatever he happens to feel like ranking. The address is http://listverse.com and when i read it i always am amazed at the amount of work he must do to put it together. He is very opinionated sometimes and i wonder who is this guy to say that XYZ is the #1 thing of it's kind? But still, it is interesting to read through it sometimes, as much as it bugs me.

Mistress gave me a few lists today and i am sure that if she continues with her lists i will have a love hate thing with Hers too. i was glad to get everything all in one place from Her, free of my interpretations or permutations but they really forced me to look at my more unattractive side... the side of me that i make my SL family settle for.

Sorry everyone. You all deserve better.

i got a nice loooong list of things i need to get done and plenty of lines to do. Like an overflowing cornucopia of lines. It's like i am a complete line glutton.

i really do hate lines. they are boring and tedious and i can't be too creative with them so the challenge becomes typing each one a little differently. When i have to do gobs of them, my mind goes blank and i stare at the monitor, drooling sometimes.

'What am i doing again?'

'Oh right... lines.'

The thing is though... each line i type really is a link between me and Mistress. i stopped seeing these as a punishment long ago. They are just something that she makes me do now and as a punishment they aren't really proving to be a deterrent. They do keep me in my place though and keep Her at the top of my pointy little head.

She had me holding a mug of tea in one hand today. i was dismayed at how quickly it started to get heavier and heavier but the big challenge was typing one-handedly. That was actually dismaying also since it seemed like i typed more quickly and accurately with one hand than two.

i am about to type something i know i will regret. It would be interesting to test that theory somehow to see if that is possible. i can see it now, as i explain my new typing style at work:

'Oh i type this way now so i can hold a tea cup.'

[7:17] Jacquelin Mazi: I just watched you making tea and toast
[7:17] Jacquelin Mazi: it felt like I was reading instructions on cell phone operation
[7:17] Jacquelin Mazi: dull


My solution to the above dilemma? Try to find an emoting class somewhere in SL and learn (re-learn?) to invest some emotion in my emoting. Familiar challenge for me isn't it? Trouble adding emotion... being emotionless... emilee the stone.

Monday, September 7, 2009

The things you see in profiles in SL...

This would be worthy of Jay Leno (is he still on TV?) if it wasn't in SL:


That's right: Freebie dung.

i don't recall the name of it but Jan found some kind of gizmo that makes an avatar out of an RL photo. She'd always been so private about RL until now but She showed me Her new avatar and the pic it was based on and then the avatar of Her newly gotten husband. What an adorable couple!

i'm doing a bit of window shopping at Nyte N Day, looking for something to win myself $1000L and that will be appropriate for the property of the great Jacquelin Mazi. Dresses are out since She once said that skirts are not for slaves but that still leaves probably most of what they sell as options. my father-in-law would say 'It takes money to make money' and then cackle in that way he does when he laughs at his own jokes.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Close call

Mistress came to my rescue once again. i hope that i never appear to be less than totally grateful and blessed by Her. We had a bit of a drawn out conversation over the house concerning rent and prims and such and while we were trading emails, the house we've been in for probably over a year was actually up for rent. If someone had rented it out from under us... *shudders* Mistress would NOT have been pleased.

She and i have been the victim of bad timing lately. Bad timing and me being very busy with a lot of things in RL which at this point seem to have slowed a bit for me. i've been missing SL and Jan and especially Mistress. When i spend this much time away from Her, i feel loose somehow. Not really distant but it is fair to say that when i am with Her i feel closer to Her or course but also much more under Her thumb; much more controlled and less at liberty to do whatever i feel is right which, if i put it another way, means that i screw up less.

i can just imagine Her response to that: 'So you are blaming ME for your screwups?'

That is the last thing in the world i mean to say or even imply. She has a presence and a power that just make it so much easier to be good when i am with Her. It is one of Her strongest features. Actually... all of Her features are among Her strongest features.

Friday, September 4, 2009

World Wide Industries?

i get these random notecards about every week or so from World Wide Industries and until now i had just been deleting them. i finally opened one and the place seem legit but why in world are they sending them to me? i somehow got my name on their group list but there is no group even close to that in my picks.

i feel distant from Mistress lately and it is my fault. i either do the wrong thing or i do nothing and either way it seems like i make the wrong choice. i do love Her and my times with Her and to tell Her that lately seems dubious given how i have struggled to truly please her. i am smart and clever and am at a loss over what to do to try to 'lure' her into SL more often.

She'd be frustrated by that... She would say that if i wanted to please Her i would and could. Maybe i am more self-centered than i realize or maybe just more thick-headed. The times when i have managed to please Mistress have been truly satisfying but they have been mostly while She is here. As it is, i give Her very little motivation to even log in and so this cycle begins but how do i break it? What do i do to please her when She is rarely here?

Thursday, September 3, 2009

All of a sudden for the last year

i got an IM from the landlord saying that we are 55 prims over our limit. This is odd because:
  • We haven't made any additions to the house in months and...
  • The counter outside the house says that we either have 16 still to use or that we are over by 22
i made a list of things that can go once we get to the point of reducing prims and unfortunately they are all the little things that make a house a home.

Still, i really don't trust Rain's number. It will be boring and tedious but it might be interesting to see what the prim count is if we do it manually and when i see 'we' i mean 'me.'

Monday, August 31, 2009

The latex assignment, part... 2?

It's been so long that i honestly don't remember if i had done this before or not. i vaguely remember putting all these here once but either way, Mistress wanted to see some options for latex catsuits and so here is what i found, in no particular order because the order i put them in is irrelevant:






Thursday, August 27, 2009

What was he expecting?

[23:31] Husky Laryukov: Hello girl , what are you doing here ?

Old school, possibly Gor or ex-Gor.

[23:33] Emilee Gackt: Just doing a bit of profile browsing.
[23:34] Husky Laryukov: Girls with collars get my attention rather quickly , I must confess


Odd... why would someone bother? Is it the thrill of wanting what you can't have? Or... actually i don't have an 'or' here. i just don't get that.

[23:34] Emilee Gackt: Really? Why is that?
[23:35] Husky Laryukov: lol ...Because I am a Master, my sweet


Oh excellent answer! It is all so clear now!

[23:36] Emilee Gackt smiles. "Well yes, i understand that but doesn't a collar mean that the slave is taken?"
[23:37] Husky Laryukov: some like a collar just for the feel of it, they feel naked without it


That one actually was a good answer.

[23:37] Emilee Gackt: Ah. i see.
[23:38] Emilee Gackt: In my case it is more that that.


He just finished reading my profile.

[23:39] Husky Laryukov: yes girl, I understand

i am glad He does because i don't.

Chatting with Mrs. B

Jan finally got back from her wedding and honeymoon. i'm not sure how long it was since i saw Her last - probably a month? It was nice to see Her again and see that things are as they were (at least for now) in SL.

She has a clothes shop - Dubrovna Fashions - and last night she told me to bring Mistress and anything we want in the shop would be free. i told Her i would and after a reflected on that for a while it occurred to me that i wouldn't bring Mistress. i would tell Mistress about Jan's offer and then wait for Her approval. Mistress is not mine to be bringing places. i am hers to be brought.

Either way, i like the thrill of going places with Mistress. i truly never know if i will end up with a nose beep (yay!) or more lines to type (boo!) and the stress of trying to stay on my toes for my entire time with holds this anticipation that is mingled with anxiety. Call it anti-ticipation?

Monday, August 24, 2009

My road to riches

Nyte N Day has sort of a permanent photo contest going. You take a pic of yourself wearing their clothes and if the put it up in the store, you win $1000L. i figure with my natural good looks and charm and Mistress' Photoshop abilities, we've easily got a lock on the $1000L or at least a spot in the top 17.

Has to be all Nyte N Day clothes, can't Photoshop the clothes at all, yada yada but i should have enough clothes from there in my inventory already to create a bunch of pix.
/me sees dollar sings in her head.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Maybe...

i got the upgrader for the ring but button i need is in a folder that only Mistress has access to. i haven't used this phrase in a while and it just popped into my mind. This overstates it but:

¸.•*´*•.¸¸.•*´*•.¸¸.•*´*•.¸Sometimes it sucks to be a slave¸.•*´*•.¸¸.•*´*•.¸¸.•*´*•.¸

That should have been something easy to do but since i'm locked in a few ways that normal people don't have to deal with, the simple becomes a challenge for me and though it does suck i suppose, i wouldn't change it and i am grateful everyday for Mistress and Her ring and Her collar and on and on...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Maybe if i upgrade the ring?

The ideal solution is one where i just fix everything. Mistress would be pleased with that. So tonight i set out to try to update my ring with high hopes and nothing but optimism.

Just as i got to the Mars Ring place and everything rezzed and i found the vendor and got the notecard and read it and was ready to try it... Mistress logged in.

Kind of a good news/not really bad news thing.

i didn't make much progress with the ring but (and i know this will sound trite, contrived and maybe even conniving) i made a lot of progress with Mistress. Sometimes you spend time with someone and the talk gets deeper and deeper and before you know you are all of a sudden just sort of watching watching words fly out of your mouth, wondering to yourself, 'Did i really just say that?'

In my case, i did because i have the notecard to prove it.

i really am grateful for Her and i hate that i need to be reminded of how much trust i can place in Her hands without the need for fear, worry, alarm, shame... all forms of the dreaded T-word really.

i do love Her immensely.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

One of the problems women must deal with as they age is bone loss. In SL, women also have to deal with skin and face loss...


... and sometimes total brain loss. No wonder i can't figure out RLV. Look close - there's nothing in there but the sound of the ocean.

RLV ad nauseum

RLV was made to add some realism to things in SL and to make the life of subs and slaves more of a challenge. It has been doing that to me lately but not in the way that anyone intended.

We need a new collar (apparently - or anything with Marine's scripts in it) to make it all work as it should but it isn't as easy as me just running out and getting a new collar just like that.

  • Mistress owns my money so it will be Her decision what i buy or don't buy.
  • She owns ME and so i can't just go and do something so important without Her permission, input and guidance.
  • She will likely have another suggestion (or more) before we get to the point of starting with a fresh collar (or other device).
  • She knows a lot more about how RLV was initially set up in my inventory so She might have other ideas about what to do.

My latest effort:

[20:40] Emilee Gackt: Once i set up the folders full of items to share with RLV, how does someone else use those items? [This was asked of the RLV Support Group]

Answers:

[20:40] Addy Broome: through a compatable device or collar
[20:40] Jill Freenote: either with the outfit plugin of RR collars, or any number of other tools.
[20:41] Janie Janus: through the menu system

Another question:
[20:41] Emilee Gackt: Where do i get the plug in?
[20:41] Emilee Gackt: Wherever fine RR collars are sold?


[20:41] Cerowain Ceawlin: Is already part of the updated RR collars, Emilee
[20:41] Peachey Giles: the plugin is built in to many collars and other attachments. Depends what you are using

Another question, different but related to the one i had just asked:
[20:42] Emilee Gackt: So if i get a new collar, i'd be all set then?

[20:42] Cerowain Ceawlin: yup
[20:42] Nova Binder: Cerowain! :)
[20:43] Cerowain Ceawlin: Nova!!! :-)


Nova!!! :-) Woohoo!


A suggestion:

[20:43] Janie Janus: have you looked at Open collar?
[20:44] Emilee Gackt: Not yet but i will, thanks [When i say ' i will' i mean 'i will with Mistress' permission']
[20:44] Janie Janus: it does whay you want
[20:44] Janie Janus: what*

[20:42] Brianna Pfalz: the free open collars also have rlv plugins

[20:42] Emilee Gackt: Including the outfit plug in?
[20:42] Brianna Pfalz: Just join the group and you can take any and all of them
[20:43] Brianna Pfalz: RLV is built into the collars...just need to activate RLV in it
[20:43] Emilee Gackt: Got it. Thanks!
[20:43] Brianna Pfalz: Freee is good
[20:43] Brianna Pfalz: they have cuffs too
[20:43] Brianna Pfalz: place can be a little laggy if very many are there
[20:43] Brianna Pfalz: but you can take one of everything if you want
[20:43] Peachey Giles: Open Collar has the function built in as does things like the MARS ring and most of the better collars and wearable items

[20:44] Emilee Gackt: Thanks.


So… this is great advice and gives lots of reasons to be optimistic except that last bit about the Mars Ring. That’s what Mistress currently tries to use and according to Marine, it won’t work and/or she can’t help with it. So if that should work and doesn’t, would an Open Collar be the same or could that be the end of this ongoing, never ending drama?

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Bad news and bad news about RLV

i got this IM back from Marine:

[16:28] Marine Kelley: hi, I'm afraid the script you are using is not mine, so I can't really help you there... You can't wear "outfits" anyway since the folder does no contain items. try to make it wear Outfits/Black Sexy instead

At least now i feel a lot less dumb for not being able to figure it all out but now what seemed close to a resolution at one point now seems less of hope (as in hopeless).

What happens next? Do we start over? Do i get a new collar? Only the Mistress knows the answers to these questions. Tune in next time for the answers.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Leave it to Mistress

i hit a brick wall on the RLV thing and she says this:

Look for Marine Kelly and send her a very polite respectful IM. Tell her all you want to do is...

i was willing to accept defeat and live with things being a little clunky but workable. Mistress is not accustomed to taking no for an answer so now i have to IM the famous (and therefore probably very busy) Marine Kelley? i'm not sure why but that makes me nervous somehow. Slaves don't get the luxury of being nervous though, do they?

Even though i now deeply hate this bloody folder, i am eager to try again in a way since it really is for Mistress. If it wasn't for Her that is was doing it i'd have given up long ago.

The RLV project is unending

and completely boggling to me. No matter what i try, it won't work as advertised. There are too many variable it seems.

The most frustrating part is that it is an opportunity to do something for Mistress and in all of my attempts i have failed completely.

Bugger. my Aussie friends would say 'bugger that!'

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

someone teel me she is vrry good Mistress

i had a chat with a potential slave tonight. If i had to guess where she is from i would pick Russia/eastern Europe. i'm not sure we'll ever find out though.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

A name from the past...

[8:14] Desire Genira: How is your Miss
[8:14] Emilee Gackt: She's very busy in RL but otherwise She's fine.
[8:15] Desire Genira: i am glad to hear that. Please send her my regards
[8:15] Emilee Gackt: i will Desire.
[8:15] Emilee Gackt smiles.
[8:17] Desire Genira smiles

Regards officially sent along some other feelings and sentiments.

A nice IM i got today

[8:02] MikeNIkes Dezno: Notecards (00dca4a1-e2e6-4358-a54a-6e3463853c79)
*4 gestures* (000905b2-cf0a-e8a1-8bde-1a2912cad19c)
for more gestures (9cfb2bd7-2801-7797-ebd2-8a8ba702f190)
Calling Cards (0785258d-9025-444c-9a19-f0c468954919)
2SplitA Peapod (d5814a5c-256d-6c94-8438-c9632d2abd66)
Addie Druth (d20848a8-055c-8f6b-9faa-dc41b4a2b78e)
BethyLea Rexen (b25cfba4-1ab2-e38c-e324-9e7e522ab716)
Beulaha Magic (1439ba3b-618d-272c-40d8-1bdc4a3ea5af)
Caressa Perl (52485b6b-9ddc-db25-b1b8-96f352e0f191)
debbie Belar (19132297-2e69-0191-7028-e1f6ceb7993d)
Geryn Clip (d4975760-aa80-fa48-8f9a-996f70e7def7)
IAmTheBest Hermit (53bfda6a-f928-2c24-eeb0-87f60be68cf1)
StevieJay Skytower (b344f490-7e9a-c1a1-9d5d-a4c5d1f02684)
Sunshyne Moonites (9fdf53bd-4a19-e770-6b8f-ad4e3e0a4620)
TwinkleStarBright Xue (ec0ea85b-e96c-85d0-973d-163705f64794)
XoticDelights Franizzi (a9cb11b0-609b-f242-9e94-58e3779e82b6)
YakiraJingle Renfold (2dbf2283-1bdf-84ac-f755-54ce0ec64453)
Izzy Friehof (46455a59-864d-fc79-d85e-c051e31dba5c)
Kiza
[8:02] MikeNIkes Dezno: 9c5ac-f82a-ccd4-863f-bb61ea49f11c)
***REDGRAVE Womens Skin & Fashio, REDGRAVE Womens Fashion (214, (c2e54b55-9341-043a-071c-c607430b47b2)
.:GuRL 6 HAIR:. @ GuRLyWood , GuRLyWood (64, 13, 31) (62e7703c-affd-be33-86ed-d0c836210848)
A*Tomac Role Optic Freebies Anns, Simlicious (208, 182, 22) (a28790e3-c815-0b09-d0a2-e991a0bf6f6f)
ADORED CLOTHING AND HAIR~MAIN ST, Alhena (171, 51, 23) (45eb8f93-f57b-0584-bcb5-63cfaf65b7c2)
analog dog island, Analog Dog Hair (102, 185, 21) (de702f9f-063b-50b8-8a02-eb4d6735c5cd)
AWESOME DESIGNS @ Awesome Isle (Main Store) (dd399416-7170-8f01-236e-45894ee61ea8)
Crave Clothing Designs, Splendid Land (128, 211, 23) (c8bef501-6430-c659-af1e-89309f5d52d3)
G SLOANE COUTURE, Zellig (38, 53, 65) (7c666e4e-82af-bdd1-751b-3475d48b1c59)
Goldie Locks Hair @ Nantli Xolal, Nantli Xolal (242, 156, 23) (402a357e-f3f4-4c91-55e8-fa279018f6c2)
Help Island 3 (122, 128, 26) (ccb79b62-8bf7-87db-d744-afd74a15f184)
Mischief Fashions - Clothes Casu, Mischief Isle (19, 19, 26) (e1
[8:02] MikeNIkes Dezno: 77c05-00b9-f98a-7cb4-afb495e89964)
NEWBIE HAIR VOUCHER GuRLyWood (10deb8fd-9395-28eb-a1ce-1566a0a6a967)
OnRez - Software tools for your , OnRez (139, 124, 21) (84c2c668-03c7-adb9-8762-ef4aaf6cd366)
PD HEADQUARTERS LOBBY (12361a7f-e290-8cde-f28a-147205d47a6b)
WISH Shoes and more Outlet Store, Liberty Central N (21, 63, 51 (bf5ea448-7947-18cc-56dd-d6a22d669087)
woman,men clothes,tatoos,bikinis,LOW PRICE (6df6230b-9b09-07a9-a65e-70c83e7d01e5)
Gestures (983b3436-d3a9-4f99-8427-19a46ff8712f)
Male Gestures (6f6037ed-3687-05c4-a597-9f57e91a4495)
Male - Get lost (375389f5-929f-d994-0147-cdc76d6c0dc3)
Male - Blow kiss (ea24086b-3afb-4b8a-03b8-c8bef4963c08)
Male - Boo (7534e286-853d-7680-8727-4eed360e62b2)
Male - Bored (15498101-1d68-1809-1c72-d59007fae423)
Male - Chuckle (b3a187a0-db53-0906-0692-fdf4449c3545)
Male - Excuse me (be55968d-2330-b103-686f-88c2bcdade62)
Male - Hey (1479f310-b44a-45f0-20a7-9f563aa5e3a0)
Male - Laugh (47451d62-270f-0afa-e14a-30753b9591e0)
Male
[8:02] MikeNIkes Dezno: rog (bbdc856f-67e5-c239-6afe-977b2b17f7ae)
Makeeda Hiess (838e61d9-580a-b67b-c7e5-c9c4b92093b2)
Maryam Zilz (d62566b2-361d-dab4-e78f-55d7a28701eb)
Mustbefeltupdownand Sideways (5274c6d4-2a7b-c97a-8476-615da621fab4)
PecanzOnA Waffle (c843d294-a83b-748e-8216-ad48887e4d12)
Sarraha Lemon (e6925f9d-d832-39fb-23ac-2c2b23040cd4)
SexyTip Tachikawa (e3ad8ac9-05ac-bc81-9cce-678172bf6f1b)
Landmarks (510cd935-be70-4e28-95e9-5aaea0f080ed)
#- Sirena Hair & Fashion -# (Hair, Clothes, & Mermaid Tails) (30bf0715-28f0-22ea-6aca-ac3bbee21c62)
A*Tomac Role Optic Freebies Anns, Simlicious (208, 182, 22) (37d43460-1709-6121-9ee5-e7505f74c0c1)
analog dog island, Analog Dog Hair (102, 185, 21) (bd5d3711-565d-68a0-44f6-5b4d5806768c)
beach landing safe spot (ec476922-9362-3068-af51-ef1b9d875ee5)
Dart Lagoon, Dart Lagoon (137, 110, 53) (0eaa97db-b32a-7542-2c1d-4e2189a495df)
Sexy Catz @ Quality Lag, Quality Lag (128, 185, 23) (168dbadb-af05-3edb-ea48-2fc8be0ffa83)
Textures (5eb8049e-279a-4a97-a15a-24cc0f3b8540)

[8:02] MikeNIkes Dezno: ounds (6133c549-5a51-4f9e-ba40-999f28afd067)
Objects (66a88c5e-aeb6-479b-bcf1-a2a7e5ad147a)
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40 Couple Poses (01367254-f79a-9b44-41b2-9aacf7938784)
Avatar Scanner (HUD) Silent 1.2 (f75906cc-b36d-c286-ec71-3ca7cc1ebb22)
Couples MultiAnimator v2e (c8462e07-faa0-1f14-76ab-53daa545aba5)
Garden Rock v0.00 (7344663e-1529-00ca-264e-c7595de92edd)
Happy Holidays/Gift from Satin & Erin (001c7b34-c056-7814-8aa7-d0f79791694c)
Happy Holidays/Gift from Satin & Erin (fa071a4f-67a1-29a6-af91-fef73d6fc55c)
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Newbies (94a58e78-8928-7c9a-7888-2f500b3da544)
!Mystical Visions & Mystic Dream, Gwail (167, 106, 98) (6ed62576-354b-f7e3-5cb0-b524ef36ea3a)
#- Sirena Hair & Fashion -# (Hair, Clothes, & Mermaid Tails) (8dff5f2a-3ee2-6ff9-913e-4f336338178c)
*** Milky9 ***All 0L$ & Shopping, Milky Land (85, 146, 22) (28892401-281e-595a-837c-310bf2c957da)
***** Vienna Freebies 0 L$ High-Quality, Wien (149, 215, 27) (04
[8:02] MikeNIkes Dezno: - Repulsed (624e0b3b-ce25-e0ba-1ad9-91063270bc61)
Male - Shrug (43a5f883-a414-0061-a6ee-346f88c7e631)
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Male - Wow (4edfeadf-607b-5020-8c79-3f041e1a2e87)
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[8:02] MikeNIkes Dezno: 2c24cb1c35dd)
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Lovers 18 1 (393a1f7a-3aeb-e0e8-1c9e-9b08a14f6
[8:02] MikeNIkes Dezno: 6c)
Lovers 19 (15411ab1-b19f-f2c5-449e-d14536a5afd6)
Lovers 19 1 (85859788-8be7-279b-35d1-21c9dd78d3c3)
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Lovers 2 (5cf52a4c-c818-2bb6-8e5e-c9e6e6494534)
couples 19 (c65383c5-dea8-cb0e-ace9-202a4a5a8583)
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Vamp 3 (165e628e-c3de-58b8-b049-d140b9bec80f
[8:02] MikeNIkes Dezno:
Lusty 19 (3faf72e8-5a7d-eb15-c45d-e40b0e2c37cf)
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Kiza Frog (c
[8:02] MikeNIkes Dezno: ad3cd4-ea09-98bc-a0a2-47063ed473d5)
Mustbefeltupdownand Sideways (38fd4bfd-0e80-8e83-851c-d10083d2fe54)
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Lost And Found (d4c98154-9016-461e-9899-35ef0e9b0d0f)
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Clothing (dd188e32-9588-4429-ab9c-403040ff8217)
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Avatar by Renegade Clothing (2a36182a-62f9-20b6-bd42-ec73a61ee05a)
Boy Next Door (1bed9174-2fa8-42b4-9c07-e248b34770f7)
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Boy Next Door Hair (83a374f3-9461-d187-c472-8e255370bd16)
Boy Next Door Jeans (8bfb8eb8-5eee-2dbc-c9f2-f2af1b32b964)
Boy Next Door Medium Skin (6a7ae1f1-f0b7-8ea1-ba12-0c2589d64a12)
Boy Next Door Shirt (e5b5
[8:02] MikeNIkes Dezno: be8-1569-e08f-67e1-aa4cb9098448)
Boy Next Door Shoe Base (9de27d25-9486-47e2-a905-02c1225088e4)
Boy Next Door Shoe Left (59914760-bcb1-8d9e-7759-23ab5ca173f8)
Boy Next Door Shoe Right (fcd56f41-dca1-8cc4-f40a-c9c6960f3e0e)
Boy Next Door Socks (b966bad0-f4d4-ac40-4821-b2b1dba4608f)
country/western (e1071f62-a8d8-c1d5-917c-80a8cc71268b)
Bailers Outfitters, Bailers Coun, Bailers Island (101, 48, 22) (1a511509-85a6-c337-c336-9ce6699c6db7)
Coyote Country Saloon, Salt Creek (46, 22, 22) (73c50da6-2fad-2dc2-486a-b8ab66faca23)
Dusty's Western & Fiddlers Count, Pavet (178, 93, 67) (20316db1-6f78-8a7a-0093-b65dc4441508)
FIDDLER'S SALOON @ SALT CREEK 2 (2a839c73-de78-02c6-8178-e22e7997e97e)
Body Parts (e22f194a-937f-43f3-871d-2f4969e95f90)
MikeNIkes (23d372ce-7f3b-4d2a-7703-c884236e0cb2)
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Musgelina (2d224aba-1191-e5a9-e396-f9c64f9d43c4)
Tiny Empires HUD (Full Version) v1.3 (a4d0d895-f982-8657-c891-45bb2ea77fa8)
Tiny Empires HUD (Full Vers
[8:02] MikeNIkes Dezno: on) v1.4 (e825486c-0b76-1b21-9c7b-a671822918d6)
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Mike & Star (4f8f08b2-e98f-d678-e0f0-67c83d68dfd7)

There will be a quiz on this at the end of class.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Success at last?

Not totally but i am FINALLY getting close to getting things in Mistress' magical folder to work.

There needs to be a folder for everything and everything needs to be in its folder but it gets tricky:
  • You can have folders and subfolders and the main folder can't contain anything that attaches anywhere (those need to go in a subfolder)
  • Folders with modifiable items need to be labeled one way way and...
  • Folders with no mod items are labeled and structured entirely differently.
Once the folders are set up it is really just a matter of clicking the right menu options. That took some learning for me and hopefully i did it in the same way that Mistress has become accustomed to. She will be pleased at the end of this long saga but less so if She has to re-learn what She already knows.

After all the searching and grousing and grumbling i did (silently and to myself of course) about this project and it was Mistress who eventually found what we needed to make it work (i still have some configuring to do but i truly feel like it is doable at this point instead of just lost and confused like i have been so far).

i am grateful to Her for Her patience with this. Not to undervalue the gift of Her patience but i feel like it came from Her own frustration over this. It seems so much more complicated than it needs to be. i am glad that i at least get the chance to do the actual work of moving things and getting it all labeled for Her.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Tonight's major events:

Not much really.

Tonight's minor events:

i decided to rekindle an old hobby and go hunting for a newbie to befriend. my first stop was Help Island and the newest person i could find there was born in 2008. Who took all the newbies?

While i was there i saw a woman in a dress that seemed like it was very well done. It was black and had sheer red silk trim that fit just perfectly. i asked where she got it (not that Mistress allows me to wear dresses but she does allow me to browse to my heart's content) and went to look at the place - Skin Flicks.

The dress was $300L! Maybe i'm getting cheap in my old age but that seemed like a lot to me for what it was.

Speaking of old age, the search result fior Skin Flicks said they sell old people skins there:
  • i couldn't find any when i went
  • Talk about niche marketing
  • Only in SL could you talk about selling 'old people skins' and have it be perfectly appropriate.
The store adjacent to Skin Flicks (i've never used that phrase so often in such a short space of time before) had this for sale:


Seriously? There are men that care THIS much about how their SL feet look? Sheesh.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Where did I get these landmarks?

Cleaning up my inventory (for the millionth time it seems) i found some LMs to places i am certain i have never been:


Kind of a floating hobbit house and nicely done. i have no idea if someone owns it but it looks like a meeting place. There is no bed, no kitchen, etc. Just a big, mod looking chair and tons of pillows.

The other place was an art gallery that featured famous (or semi-famous) works of art done in SL or with an SL avatar plunked into the original. Kinda cute but after you've seen it once, you've seen it enough.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Kind of like the 'Pines

i had this idea tonight that my time in SL has turned out to be like my time in the Philippines was. It has been full of the most foul vulgarities and pollution and in the midst of all of it, i have managed to uncover a few gems and have had an amazing experience.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Total bugger tonight!

i logged in and out about 9 times in 15 minutes tonight. i'm not sure if it is a weather problem messing with power lines or the Internet or just SL being goofy again but i finally gave up in a fit of near SL strangulation.

Sorry Jan!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Late and overdue

i have a friend in SL whom i have known for at least a year, probably more. She felt a bit put off by the fact that Mistress had me uncheck that box on my Friend's List that shows if i am online. She would make friendly attempts at conversation but being in Europe (and me being in Asia for most of the year so far), our conversations were limited to offline IMs, with her usually being the one to initiate things.

i am pretty sure i have lost her as a friend because she lost patience with the challenges of being a friend with me. She had to endure:
  • The friend's list check-box issue
  • The utterly opposite time zones
  • My short responses to her 'pings'
  • The cultural differences?
  • My busy-ness
That last one... that's the tricky one. i am as busy as i am because i don't manage my SL time as well as i could and perhaps should. True, i have to constantly be blogging and Mistress almost always has me doing some project for Her but i should make time in all that for people since they are what really matters in either world - RL or SL. Kind of blurs the lines a bit, doesn't it?

Mistress has been utterly busy lately and i haven't seen Her since July 9th. That is the longest i have gone without seeing Her since we met. i went from missing Her to hoping that all is well with Her to feeling deprived of Her and so on.

Every day i felt a little more needy and felt constrained in telling Her that for some reason. Something about being with Her always makes things so clear for me. Probably because She is a strong personality and is rather direct with me.

i love her and love being with Her in a very... not romantic way... not sexual at all but... it's admiration. Being with Her is almost like being with a parent or guardian; everything is right and proper when she is there and i flounder in a sea of gacktiness when she is away, especially for so long.

i have also been wondering how things will be for Jan in SL. Will She spend any where near the time here that she has? /me shrugs. We'll see i guess.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Managing things post Manila

i guess i got spoiled in a way while i was in the Philippines. With my family (small but still a family) so far away, i got used to being able to log in to SL whenever i wanted since i wasn't taking time from anyone or anything else that i cared about.

Now that i'm home it's quite different and i made a decision to log in according to a schedule (every other day). Honestly it was as much my idea as Mistress' but the point is i am spending less time in front the computer and more time in the pool or reading with Mr. Gackt, walking Lucy, going out with friends... all the things that you do in a normal life.

And i'm happier because of it.

And it also means that seeing and hearing from people that i care about in SL is even more special since i see them less frequently, especially when those people are busy themselves... getting married or just having a challenging go of it in RL.

i'm glad to have my RL and SL somewhat in order.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Hanging around

i sat around for a while doing that Mistress hates that i do - sitting around. When i realized what i was doing, i went to the Ranch and almost immediately got into a nice conversation with a man from Canada.

He had a blank profile and had only been in SL for about 2 months so i launched into my standard newbie sermon:
  • Put something in your profile
  • Get an AO
  • Stop with the constant lol-ing!
  • etc.
In the middle of it all he asked if i was sure that i was submissive. It seems odd to me that people don't feel that a submissive person could or should give advice. i wasn't trying to control him; i was just trying to help.

At some point while we are talking he asked how long i had been submissive. Is this something that people learn to be or something that people are. Is it like enjoying a flavor of ice cream or more like being left handed? i've always felt that i was born like this and the experiences i've had in life have brought it out in me. It isn't something i decided to be. It is something i am.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

On tonight's episode:

i started working on the graphics project again. It turns out that SL is a fantastically complicated piece of engineering. Who'd have imagined that?

Cross your fingers for me on this one. Once i am done, we'll all know what things like disk cache size mean and where to set it.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Today's major events in SL:

Major might be overstating it a bit but today i worked on RLV again. i re-read Marine's blog about the things that are giving Mistress trouble and discovered a couple of things:
  • i can access the folder myself! This will make getting it fixed lots easier and quicker.
  • The problem doesn't seem to be with the names of the folders. Folders are apparently named just so they show up in a particular order in the menu system that RLV uses.
i need to get out of mouse look so i can work on this more effectively. i fear that this will be harder than it sounds.

i am waiting to talk with Mistress about a couple of important things and will of course, make updates to the blog accordingly.

Friday, July 10, 2009

my lines are done but RLV is still a...

...bugger.

i had a long paused conversation with Jan tonight. The long pauses were the times that i was typing on lines and She was working on making a pair of hose.

She even helped me with my lines:

"I will not chew gum in class."

i thanked Her for the help but expressed some doubt that we could slip that one past Mistress.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

More bad news...

i forgot a major item this morning:
  • i have to do 100 lines about why i am stuck in mouse look because i forgot why i am stuck in mouse look.

Good news and bad news...

  • Good news: i saw Jan today for the first time in forever.
  • Good news: i also saw Mistress today for the first time in a long time.
  • Bad news: They were online at the same time so i had to say goodbye to Jan after only a few minutes.
  • Bad news: my RLV folder still isn't working like it should.
  • Bad news: i will be in mouse look for at least a little while longer.
  • Good news: i remembered to put bullet points in my blog entry, just like Mistress likes.
  • Question: If they made bullet points look like a bad hairdo, would they be called mullet points?

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

In today's exciting episode...

i spent a little time waiting to see if Mistress and i could test my RLV prefix/suffix schemes and hoped to see Jan maybe for a few minutes.

What i left with was high hopes for next time!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Another RLV suggestion

[6:55] xx Reyes: (Saved Mon Jul 06 03:10:20 2009) sorry i missed your question earlier. if you have not already read it Marine has a detailed blog entry on the subject of RLV folders at http://realrestraint.blogspot.com/2008/08/objects-sharing-tutorial.html and http://realrestraint.blogspot.com/2008/10/shared-outfits-tutorial-part-2.html
[6:55] xx Reyes: (Saved Mon Jul 06 03:11:32 2009) i have seen some collars, or maybe it was the Mars Ring; i forget now but one of them required subfolders to also begin with a "#" sign...
[6:55] xx Reyes: (Saved Mon Jul 06 03:11:54 2009) and in general the items don't show up but the foldernames do...



So i checked Marine's blog and found this:
  • Every folder that does not contain an outfit (i.e. it contains only other folders) begins with a ">" so that its name comes first in the list, and the user knows there is more to it when clicking on the button.
  • Every folder that contains an outfit (even if it contains other sub-folders, for instance if it has no-mod items) does not have any special character in it, and is sorted normally, going after the ones with ">" in the list.
  • Every folder that contains an outfit, and is contained into a folder that contains an outfit too (ok it's getting complicated) is like an "option", an "addon" to the aforementioned outfit, so it's getting a "+" sign at the beginning. For instance, "+ Corset" to my "Leather mini" outfit, since I may or may not wear the corset part.

So far i have two theories for labeling RLV folders waiting to be tested:
  • My Outfits folder is labelled with a suffix (... at the end)
  • My Pants folder is labelled as per above.

Have we tried this?

i found this on the web:

Structured Inventory Menu (EasyStructure):
You have so much subfolders in #RLV that you want to structure them? Then give each subfolder you want to see in one submenu a prefix, starting with '#'.Example:#RLV
- #RR collar
- #RR Gag
- #RR Blindfold
- #RR Police
- #RR Shackles
- #Dari Gag
- #Dari BlindFold...

The Attach inv menu will then contain a button 'RR...' and a button 'Dari...'. Pressing that buttons you will get submenus containing the buttons for each folder.

i'm not sure if this refers to the main subfolder or the folders within a subfolder.

Also, i am truly weary of being in mouse look for the last week + but i shouldn't complain. There are many worse things that might have been done to me.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Emilee Gackt sighs...

i got busy with a fun day off yesterday just after i logged off of SL. We went shopping, browsing, did a lot of hanging out, found some time for nap, went swimming, ate watermelon in the pool... it was a really fun day. The one thing it was missing was my blog entry from yesterday when i was with Mistress.

i really hate typing lines. REALLY REALLY hate typing lines. i should quite complaining though since one of my very few blog followers has to do her lines by hand. Ack!

Anyway, i'll probably start typing my lines even before Mistress tells me to start. That kind of lessens the shame and embarrassment somehow. Like 'Yes, i know i forgot my first and most basic rule but i am already taking steps to prevent it happening again."

So here it is, a day late from yesterday:

As Mistress was reading Her emails and other things, she said to me "Go make some tea." i literally started to get up in RL and go make some iced tea. It took me a moment to realize how unusual that would be and thank goodness i had the sense not to ask Her. i 'made' Her a cup of tea* in SL using emotes. She has always been a better emoter than i am and so when She asks me to do things like this i always feel self-conscious about it.

Mistress says things sometimes that boggle me. Since i am forbidden to think am i supposed to just accept what She says as fact or can i dig a little deeper to consider what She is getting at and how she means things?

[8:00] Jacquelin Mazi: you are a child... out of control... needing discipline... guidance.. structure... and Someone to watch over you

Am i really that bad? Out of control? That makes it sound like i am so... out of control. So i asked Her and She said:

[8:03] Jacquelin Mazi: consider... how many times I have needed to punish you in the past year or so... consider all the things you would be doing if you did not have me to put a 'short leash' on you... and there lil gackty one.. is your answer... *taps your nose to accent her statement*

i view myself as usually pretty good, sometimes not so bad and She views me as out of control. i guess that gives me some incentive to improve.

i am STILL trying to figure out the RLV problem with the invisible subfolders. i have one thing in mind to try but one of the challenges i face with it is that i need Mistress to test what i try to see if it worked so it will be slow progress until i find the solution.

Despite all the challenges, my time with Mistress is so many things to me. It is the most stressful, annoying, and challenging few hours of my week and it is so compelling that once i log off after seeing Mistress i am already looking forward to seeing Her again. i sometimes worry that i put a burden on Her by feeling that way but there are two problems with that:
  • It is thinking
  • She wants me to feel that way

*Note to self: Mistress likes Earl Gray.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Mouselook is SO...

...bloody annoying but how is it possible that i keep forgetting about it when i log in? Everything is all black for me every time i log in and the first idea i have is that Mistress has me in some box in the cellar, all locked up for doing something dumb. i suppose that is actually partially true in a very small way but still, it seems odd even to me that each time i log in i am surprised to find myself dealing with mouselook again, which is a serious bugger.

i'm still working on trying to get my subfolders labelled and so far the advice i have gotten is to do just what we've already tried. Additional serious bugger.

[6:56] Rowan Tunwarm: http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/RestrainedLifeAPI#Shared_Folders - i already checked this and we've tried it

[6:56] Addy Broome: There's no "standard"... Yep, could have guessed that.

[6:57] Cherle Tigerpaw: I prefix mine with a > Possibility for next time i see Mistress; Be optimistic about it gackty!

[6:57] Addy Broome: Only the first folder has to have a # (#RLV). Yep, figured that.

[6:57] Addy Broome: If you prefix with a dot (.folder) it won't show up in the listing. Yep, found that out by labelling every single one of the subfolders with a dot.

i told Mistress i'd be online at 6 this morning and i didn't wake up until about 6:30. Oops. Not sure what happened there actually. i distinctly remember setting my alarm for just before 6 but when i checked it just now it was set for 9:45 pm. The buggers are just flying around here today!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The never ending project

[0:31] Emilee Gackt: Does anyone know if there is a specific way that subfolders in my RLV folder need to be labelled?

Anyone? Anyone at all?

i got a notecard that didn't have anything on it that we haven't already tried and a link:

[0:33] Inasol Rugani: http://realrestraint.blogspot.com has two nice tutorials about the #rlv its all you need
[0:33] Emilee Gackt: Thank you!

i am going to install the new version of RLV and then look up these tutorials. And then hope for the best and the death of this project.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Keeping Mistress informed, the cost of not

i sent Mistress an email telling Her that i'd be rather busy during my first week home with welcoming parties and trips to see friends and family. That was the problem... i sent AN email, as in one. It was almost as if i put her on (and SL really) on hold for a week.

i should have emailed Her again, at least just to say that She was on my mind, that i was looking forward to seeing Her again, etc.

She let me pick my punishment. i hate it when She does that (not that She does it all that often). It had to be zaps so i had to pick a number. Ugh! i said fifty, not really realizing that i'd probably have been zapped to a stupor if She'd actually given them all to me.

A related side note: Mistress has asked me to cry for Her. This is a huge challenge for me since my mother did her best to scare any emotion out of me. Until now, this had been impossible for me.

Back to the main story: i was feeling pretty low about having left Her waiting and after 5 zaps, Mistress 'added the 0' for me. In other words She took 45 zaps off my self-imposed sentence. This was too much for me... the guild and regret and sadness and then all of a sudden She does something kind for me. i was surprised in a way and glad that i was actually brought to tears for Her.

My punishment was toned down quite a bit but is a major annoyance. i am in mouselook for the next few days. i hate mouselook almost as much as i have Filipino food.

i did miss Her this past week and it was a joy to be with Her again, even for the short while she was online.

She got an IM from another prospective slave when we were together. According to this wannabe. her Mistress has disappeared from SL months ago and so she was looking for a new home/owner. Mistress had me check and it turned out that her Mistress had been gone for a long time. It had been at least zero days since She had logged in.

Mistress arranged a little meeting between this prospective slave and the partner of her former Mistress. It was like watching a verbal car-wreck. i was embarrassed but i was also utterly curious and filled with respect for Mistress.

People should fear Mistress like the bible talks about fearing God. She always finds out the truth about people and what they say. Today's lesson, brought to you by capital T: Always tell Mistress the Truth!