These won't be easy to format in blogger...

... so i hope you appreciate the effort. All three of you.

The first time listed below is SL time
The second time listed is Manila time

2:15 AM
5:15 PM
After being online with you last night, i got ready for work - showered, etc

3:00 AM
6:00 PM
Got dressed, walked to Starbucks and got 2 drinks (iced caramel machiatto*) and a sandwich for lunch

3:15 AM
6:15 PM

Put drinks in freezer, sandwich in fridge; moved music and videos around on my iPod while i waited for the shuttle to arrive at 7

4:00 AM
7:00 PM
Went to lobby to wait for the shuttle


4:45 AM
7:45 PM
Got into shuttle for the trip to work, listened to iPod, had 1 of the drinks i bought earlier


6:00 AM
9:00 PM
Got to work, started new training class (this one only started an hour late which is not too bad actually)

2:00 PM
5:00 AM
Finished training and went to wait for the shuttle home


3:15 PM
6:15 AM
Got on the shuttle for the trip home

5:30 PM
8:30 AM
Got to the hotel, had some fruit at the breakfast buffet (watermelon and pineapple)


6:00 PM
9:00 AM
Went to sleep for a few hours

8:15 PM
11:15 AM
Woke up, showered, went to Starbucks (2 iced caramel machiattos)


9:00 PM
12:00 PM
Checked home email

9:30 PM
12:30 PM
Logged into SL, worked on blog and this list

10:00 PM
1:00 PM
Logged back into SL to let You know when i'd be online again, tried to get more sleep

10:15 AM
1:15 AM
decided that masturbating might help me relax and fall asleep

12:00 AM
3:00 PM
"woke" up and tried to log in to SL but found that my PIN for the hotel Internet had expired (again), called to get a new one (again), explained that i will be here through the end of May and i need a PIN that won't expire (again), got a newPIN that is only good for 168 hours


12:15 AM
3:15 PM
Finally got logged into SL

12:20 AM
3:20 PM
Logged out and went for a walk


1:15 AM
4:15 PM
Got home and showered, got clothes ready for work, counted laundry, called for it to be picked up

1:30 AM
4:30 PM
Laid down again to try to get some sleep, mostly unsuccessful

3:30 AM
6:30 PM
Got up and brushed my teeth, etc. Got dressed and went to wait for the shuttle.

5:15 AM
8:15 PM
Got on the shuttle for the 'ride' to work (the roads here are beastly), stopped at Starbucks on the way, 2 more ICMs (iced caramel machiattos)

6:30 AM
9:30 PM
Got to work and trained the masses

2:00 PM
5:00 AM
Got on the shuttle (it was on time because i shared a ride with the site director)

3:45 PM
6:45 AM
Home, fruit, sleeping pill, bed

11:00 PM
2:00 PM
Up, brushed teeth and walked to Starbucks (ICM of course). Came home and blogged.

*Blogger's suggested spelling for machiatto is 'chatty'

Identified a phenomenon

The times when i have been in the 'pines have been mostly boring and kind of lonely. Since i am the only person here from my company, i don't have any other Americans to talk to to or to be with and so my best friends have become the barristas at Starbucks and my bottle of sleeping pills.

How sad is that? Just sleep through it all...

Anyway, the thing i noticed is that when i am home and busier with life, i find myself making better use of the time that i have available to invest in whatever i choose to do; since i have more to attend to, the time i have for each thing is more valuable and so i treated it much differently than has become the habit here in the 'Pines.

The flip side is how i have been 'being' in SL. i tell Mistress when i will be online next (something She has required for a long time) and then i just wait for Her. Sometimes i will fill my time with projects or talk to people but really the main thing i do is just wait for Her and after the 5 or 6 weeks i have been here this time, She has finally had enough and honestly, now that i realize this, so have i.

Part of repercussions of this is that there will be a change in my blog. A better title for it from now on might be TMI (too much info) but Mistress gets what Mistress wants. Check back in a few days to see what i mean by this.

No, not so much really.

For as long as i can remember in SL i have been having problems with it locking up my computer, most often just after i click the 'Login" button. i had this great idea that maybe the problem was out of date video drivers.

No, actually it wasn't MY idea but i did figure out how to do it all by myself.

Well actually all by myself and some help from someone at HP Tech Support.

So anyway, this was about 2 weeks ago and ever since i finished it, my computer hadn't locked up like it had been.

Until tonight.

Bugger.

i'm making a list...

... and checking it occasionally because regardless of how thoroughly i check it, no one is going to get any toys.

Well maybe Mistress will.

i am compiling a list of names of people who might be appropriate to add to Mistress' very elite and extremely hard to get onto list of slaves. i am always surprised when She says i am the only one that She has found that measures up.

me? Really?

i guess i am as surprised that i meet Her requirements in the first place and then surprised that i am the only one She has found who does.

After doing a little looking, i am seeing how right she is (about how finding suitable 'applicants' is a challenge).

They must be:

• Patient (beyond description)
• Articulate (the first test of this is usually a well written profile)
• Devoted to looking their best
• Able to give constant attention to detail in appearance, carriage and demeanor
• Willing to let Mistress truly own their SL experience

After looking for a day or so, i have three candidates, none of whom are standouts. i am beginning to really see the challenge here. There would be plenty of candidates if i lowered my standards but:

• They are not my standards to lower and
• Why should Mistress lower Her standard when it is everyone else who already suffers from a too low set of standards already?

The hunt goes on.

Something i deeply admire about the Filipino people

They are more patient than can be described. Look at this:

[22:47] Madeleine Zenfold is Online
[22:58] Madeleine Zenfold is Offline
[22:58] Madeleine Zenfold is Online
[23:13] Madeleine Zenfold is Offline
[23:13] Madeleine Zenfold is Online
[23:38] Madeleine Zenfold is Offline
[23:44] Madeleine Zenfold is Online
[23:46] Madeleine Zenfold is Offline
[23:59] Madeleine Zenfold is Offline
[23:59] Madeleine Zenfold is Online
[0:15] Madeleine Zenfold is Offline
Wait for it…
[0:16] Madeleine Zenfold is Online

i have my theories about why this level of patience is so universal here but mostly it has to with them having had so little for so long that a slight inconvenience in something like SL is a trifle for them. In the US the average person would put up with what Madeleine has to deal with for about 2 minutes and then either quit, smash their keyboard or buy a new 'puter. Madeleine has no choice but to cope with it and probably doesn't mind it at all. It is what it is for her.

A public service from the gackt

i have been avoiding using 'it's' because i am unclear on how it should be properly used. i've just been using 'it is' instead and while it is proper grammar, it is a lazy way to go about it. With that, we begin today's lesson:

Here is the heart of it:

People confuse the two - it's and its - because normally an apostrophe indicates possession, as in Dave's or Jan's.

When used with the word 'it,' the apostrophe indicates a contraction, like in can't or won't.

Here is the test:

• If the contraction of 'it is' can be replaced by 'it has' or 'it is' it's 'it's.'
• Otherwise it's 'its.'

Examples:

• It has been a long time = It's been a long time.
• It is my finger = It's my finger.
• It is time to glue your mouth shut = It's time to glue your mouth shut.

and...

• That slave needs to lose some of its attitude.
• The wagon has lost its wheels.
• That car would look better with its doors attached.

Now i just need to learn to type with less than 20 errors per minute.

A little irony

Mistress and i both logged in to say that neither of us had any time available to spend in SL. She was too tired and i had to go to a work party.

What an exciting time we had!

i do hope to see Her again soon. It seems like a long time since things have been 'normal' for us. There has always been something going on like travel, a slave needing to be punished, etc.

A nice surprise and some lines

[23:49] Izo Pakula: (Saved Tue Apr 14 14:38:29 2009) Hello :-) Sometimes, I wonder if you wonder who reads your blog. Well, there is me. I have absolutely no idea on how I found it, but I liked your comments and kept reading it. I'm a blog reader, and got interested into the way some SL blogs developped. Have a good day :-)

[0:02] Emilee Gackt smiles. "What a nice surprise to login and find this IM waiting for me. Thank You for reading and i hope You enjoy what i write and that it makes sense."

i forgot this from yesterday:

[1:39] Jacquelin Mazi: so how shall we word this in the 100 lines you will write for me hm?

Ugh. Here's how we decided to word it:

"i will accept what Mistress says as the truth and will not forget my assignments."

But wait! There's more!

[1:57] Jacquelin Mazi: you have just earned another 25 lines... "I must remember to expose piercing if my stomach is exposed"

Double ugh. This is why there are such memorable catch phrases like "Sometimes it suck to be a slave."

Inspired but foiled by lagginess and weirdness

The friend i mentioned yesterday (the day before?) renewed my desire to be nice to people and be helpful and so when i saw this in chat i was all set to go be gackty:


[0:13] IsabelleVienna Blackheart shouts: im ugly i need a makover
[0:15] IsabelleVienna Blackheart shouts: anyone wanna talk im me


So i sent an IM:


[0:17] Emilee Gackt: Are you really asking for help or just being a noisemaker?


And She responded:


[0:17] IsabelleVienna Blackheart: im really asking for help


So off i went to find her and after about 5 minutes she STILL hadn't rezzed (thanks SL). When she finally did appear, she was beautiful and was clearly not in need of help. i have no clue why she would lead someone on like that but after she rezzed she just poofed in the middle of our conversation.


Sometimes i start feeling that i am SOOO clever and then i hear things like this:

[2:06] JimmyJoe Galaxy: what are you lookin for? callista
[2:06] Callista Charron: My contact lens, I know I must have dropped it here somewhere


There are two possibilities here:

• Callista heard ME use that joke and stole it from me or...
• Maybe i am a little less original than i sometimes let myself believe

Mistress took me to the Ranch tonight and once everything rezzed She told me to dance for her for the first time in ages. If i had put on my th!nkining cap i would have realized what was coming but... no. Her request took me totally by surprise and i did some really quick mental scrambling to remember the pointers that She gave and that a friend helped me with. She said it wasn't bad but in my mind the whole thing came out with painful awkwardness. i suppose the point is not what i felt afterwards but whether She enjoyed it, which i truly hope She did.

While we there Mistress got loads and loads of IMs from potentials (my nice way of saying wannabes). Before the dancing episode, i offered to help Mistress by 'filtering' some of the IMs that She got. "Talk to the gackt 'cause the Mistress is busy!" She might have taken my offer if She hadn't intended for me to dance for Her.

More Jan time

Did some chatting with Jan and some not hearing from my future friend in need of fashion advice. i do still hope to hear from him. i am curious about his looks and just how much he needs help.

Hair Correction

In the last episode i had a picture of Jan's new hair but i just realized that the pic was of a demo She had tried on and not, i repeat NOT, Her new hair. Stay tuned for further developments on this breaking story.

i slept late tonight which is an odd thing to say because time here is such a complete mess for me and i wasn't 'sleeping' so much as i was napping. i hadn't gone to bed really; i just laid down and when i woke up it was past the time that i had told Mistress i would be online. i like being in the 'Pines but i am really disliking this schedule:

• The call center where i am doing training refers to each shift as the following day, i.e., when i go in on a Monday night, it is for the Tuesday shift, even if most of the shift takes place on Monday
• They provide tech support to Americans who are a day behind, so the Monday shift which for me started the previous night is to support Americans who are still on Sunday
• Working nights makes things worse because when i have a day off (like today) i have the choice of either trying to stay on my working schedule or actually getting some sleep at night like a normal person
• i usually just end up taking a few naps here and there throughout the day, weekend or weekday
• Bleh.

i had a friend (actually i still have this friend) who sent me a notecard of a conversation she had with a man She met in SL. He met her actually; He sent her an IM wanting to get to know her better, spend time, liked her profile, let's get together in RL, etc. It was that last part that was the squinkiest for her. He spent about... oh let's see... zero seconds getting to know her and wanted her to email Him or whatever.

He was one of those guys who have this way of speaking that is full of forced intellectualism but ends up just sounding dorky. In the D/s community in SL (and maybe elsewhere) there are people who have this way of speaking that is just oddly different. They refer to people like me - subs & slaves - as 'girl' or 'little one' and they try to dress up the rest of what they say in layers and layers of unnecessary fluff. To me they just sound pedantic.*

i'm not sure if i am being an iconoclast or sacrilegious here but geez... that is so lame. Why not 'Emilee' instead of 'girl?' Terms like that are ok in a relationship but not when you first meet someone.

Anyway... this man had a few lines like that - way more wordy than necessary in an attempt to sound smart:

• I came here as another medium to meet and talk with those...
• the girl has a very good point
• many take as to become something that they are not...and never can or will be

That last one is kind of my point i guess. He was so wrapped up in trying to sound smart or sophisticated that He is just making no sense.

Anyway... my friend handled him with a LOT more patience than i probably would have. From what she said He still has a newb look and nothing in His profile, which to me says that He is only looking for something quick and not anything lasting. i probably would have ignored His IM and been a smartypants if He had persisted.

*smiles*

Here is where karma steps in and kicks me in the head...

my friend told Him to work on His look and His profile and when He asked for help she said:

"contact Emilee Gackt... she can help you"

So now i have to be nice, don't i? It would be completely disrespectful to my friend if i didn't treat this person with kindness and patience. Honestly i hope He has the sense to send me an IM so that i can be nice to him in spite of myself.

* i have always believed that using the word pedantic is pedantic.

The stars lined up...

... and Jan and i got to see each other tonight even though we had an abrupt end and i couldn't get back online.

We did a little chatting and then She asked if i wanted to see something cool. The last time She asked me that it was to show me a ballroom where the walls were like movie screens and the played clips from classic movies. Not the entire movie - just he good parts, which was just perfect really.

So She asked me again and of course i said 'Sure!' and she sent a TP to:

The newest, most exclusive fashion destination in SL! i was so happy for Her and this shameless plug is my way of wishing Her a smashing success in Her new career.

After a tour of the store we shopped for hair (we as in Her) and she found a flowy version of her ETD look that was just about perfect (once she got her head deflated a little). Doesn't she have the cutest nose?

Oh... i had to change the poll on the blog due to unsatisfactory results.

i saw Chili on round two in SL, once the Internet was more cooperative. She said to pass on a 'Hi' to Mistress so... Mistress if you are reading this, 'Hi' from Chili. Emilee Gackt ticks that off of her 'to do' list.

Chili and i went to a new (?) place that sells latexy things and boots and such but the entire shop seemed to be built around a huge statue that must have been at least 100 prims. It was like you come for the statue and 'Oh, by the way we also sell boots.'

Geez. First Blogger starts to get wonky on me, so i pasted this all into Word so i didn't lose it, then Word crashes and when i went back to SL, it had crashed. Like i said, Geez!

i saw Mistress again tonight and we talked a bit about religion. Actually that is a very drastic condensation of our conversation (that's right... conversation condensation) but after looking around SL thoroughly and seeing so much that is lacking, i have decided that i am a devout Mazian. Mistress and i have it pretty good really, especially compared to how others exist in SL.

One of the fascinating things about SL (fascinating to me at least) is seeing the world that people create for themselves there. Sometimes they settle for so little when they could be so much with not a lot of effort. Sometimes i feel compassion and try to be helpful and other times i find myself just filled with... hmm... what am i filled with? i guess it is kind of sad amusement. "THAT is what you decided to be here when you could literally be anything?"

i guess the point is that i am happy with what i have in SL and who i know and the world i've created there and for all 3 people who read this, thanks.

/me smiles.

Mistress read my mind...

... but then baffled me. She was having me go through my wardrobe, one outfit after another and so i switched my emotes to maximal brevity mode to save some time between each outfit, which She predicted that i was doing.

[1:15] Jacquelin Mazi: your emotes range from non-existant to pathetic noob styles tonight... I'm allowing it because I'm tired and because you went through a lot of outfits and it would take you forever if you had emoted with each one

i said something about an outfit (as i recall it was about an outfit) and as i was about to emote a response (not noob-styled), She said this:

[1:18] Jacquelin Mazi: SHHHHH
[1:18] Jacquelin Mazi: not a word

i get what She wanted here but the dilemma is that when i am emoting something, it looks to Her like i am about to say something in IM since SL displays 'Emilee Gackt is typing...'

So how to emote without it looking like i am typing in IM? Maybe type the emote in a notecard and paste into IM? Hmm...

Kind of an off night

No one baffled me or irked me or asked for help or even needed it.

Oh well... maybe next time.

Newbies baffle me sometimes

i met 3 people tonight who wanted to me with me in an intimate sense after ignoring my profile and my IMs. 3 in one night! It's been a long time since i was so lucky.

The last one i really tried to help, even after he was so clueless that it seemed more like he was just being rude but after everyone in the place started heckling him in chat, i finally offered to help him (that was good Emilee).

When he completely ignored what i was saying and went on offending everyone he could in open chat (including me) i just ignored him but when he eventually offered to take my advice, i told him it was far too late (that was bad Emilee).

The poor guy is condemning himself to a lonely existence in SL. *shrugs* Oh well. I did try.

Computers baffle me sometimes

Mistress gave me a notecard with instructions to turn off some things that a computer runs that aren't really needed. She send it to me when i had my last laptop, before i traded it in on the one i am typoing (Get it? Typo-ing?) on now.

The instructions were about how to turn things off but more importantly, WHAT to turn off. In Task Manager, you can see how many things are running at once. i had 83 running which Mistress says is very high compared to hers.

i turned off about 10 things like instructions for a Canon scanner (i've never owned a Canon scanner) and the controller for the touchpad (i always use a wireless mouse). i clicked apply, ok, close, restart now, ok, closed everything and let the 'puter restart.

Processes running now: 83.

My notecard project...

... is coming along but it is a lot like organizing old pictures into a scrapbook. Except no photos of picnics. As i go through these notecards a word or two catches my eyes and i stop and re-read the conversation that Mistress and i had and i realize that even if i never actually do need to search for something specific, it is a nice pause to be reliving some of what we've done together.

On today's episode:

i got another IM from someone in the RLV group. She was having trouble making it work, just like i did when i installed a long time ago. i could picture what needed to go where since i have to re-install RLV every time they issue a new version. The problem was explaining it all in IM to someone who doesn't speak English as a native language. It would take someone with a lot of patience to got to all that trouble. And someone with who is kind and understands what a bother getting it installed properly can be.

i heard from Chili tonight. She is someone i wish i had more time for. Or maybe it is more like i wish i had more time WITH her.

i keep a log of all my conversations with Mistress and i have dozens and dozes of them in my inventory on notecards. i had this idea a long time ago to put them all into Word so that if i (or Mistress) ever wanted to find something we had spoken about, i could easily search for it. It is a time consuming project and i know now why i never finished it last time i started it. That was lazy of me wasn't it? i am hoping to be finished with it by the end of the weekend. Hopefully it will be more than just something that occupied some time and actually be useful.

i watched another episode of Lie to Me. Have i blogged about that? It is a show that Mistress asked me to start watching. i hate to say it but i am enjoying it. me, watching TV and not hating it. Go figure.

The last one i watched was about a wedding, Koreans (not Goreans!) and a man cheating on his wife. The wife is one of the lie spotters so it makes you wonder why she can't spot little signs in his behavior but she can spot things in strangers that show them to be lying, contemplating, cheating, that one of their socks is bunched up, etc.

Mistress said there would be quizzes on this show but so far, no quizzes. This of course means that I should be prepping for a final exam.

Blogger ate my post

/me sneers and grumbles and curses blogger with every keystroke.

Here is what it was, as nearly as i can remember it:

Title: SL drift

Body:
i was lucky enough to chat with Jan tonight/today and when She logged off i noticed that i had moved about 2 SL feet. i watched myself for a while and noticed that i was slowly creeping along the floor (through a chair). Possible explanations:

• The foundation of the house is being eroded by the waves and is about to fall into Hardangerfjord Bay.
• Global warming is causing my avatar to sweat and the extra moisture made her more slippery than normal; she was moved along by the breeze that you can always hear blowing in SL.
• i had just clicked my heels and said 'There's no place like home!' three times and was being slowly pulled home.
• It never actually happened and it was a hallucination caused by a reaction to Filipino 'street food' (what they made me eat yesterday).

i got a group IM from someone need help with RLV (Mistress' magical folder). He wanted to attach something (an object or a script as i remember it) to a throne. i had some snarky comment for him but couldn't actually help him with his problem. i realized how odd it is that i know so little about something that has such a huge impact on my existence in SL. Not that knowing more about would ever do me any good... it just seems strange that it is so foreign to me.

Thank goodness for the imagination

My little cartoon avatar spends a lot of time kneeling. i can only guess how it would really feel if i had to spend that much time on my knees:

• My SL self kneels with her toes pointed backwards with her butt resting on her heels. It seems like this would eventually cause a lot of pressure on my feet, stretching my ankle ligaments and such, especially in my right ankle - the one i sprained about 6 months ago. Standing up after kneeling like this would be excruciating as everything unstretches itself.
• My cartoon self usually kneels on a carpet but even if it were a pillow, i can imagine that eventually my weight would press through the cushion and my knees would be pressing into the floor. It would be even worse if i were kneeling upright - without my butt on my heels. No matter how many pillows, i am sure that it would become painful after not very long. i'd have a strong urge to rearrange and shift my weight and don't have to imagine what Mistress' response would be to my fidgeting and fussing.
• The muscles in my thighs would be continually stretched and i would ache for a chance to to relax and unstretch them.
• Kneeling like that would be hard on my back. Staying so straight with no slouching would cause my lower back to begin to ache, then throb, then complain all by itself.
• my hands would constantly be longing to rub aching muscles somewhere but keeping them behind me like that seems like it would make my shoulders begin to ache. i'd want to roll the kinks out of them and would again be stopped by Mistress' lack of interest in my fidgeting.
• Looking up at Mistress or looking at Her feet would begin to stiffen my neck and again, the need roll a few kinks out of it would become more urgent as time would pass.

It seems like standing up and walking after kneeling for a while would take some time. Blood would need to flow back to numb and aching muscles and tendons; ligaments would slowly creep back to their relaxed states of being.

Thank goodness i only have to imagine kneeling, let alone all the other things that might happen in SL.