Tuesday, July 15, 2008

It should be about her...

... and I keep making it about me. I'm all about giving in so many other areas of SL and RL and so much for me is about other people. It's odd that I am so self-centered in SL. Not all of SL actually but just with Mistress.

She is so kind and takes such time with me. I've seen her amazing patience with so many who would love to be in my position and obviously she is so patient with me and my goodness do I ever need her patience!

She keeps giving me glimpses and there is this fleeting moment when things really start to click and then:
  • According to me: I get distracted by the things she keeps throwing at me
  • According to her: I'm not using my heart; I'm not just reacting on instinct.
  • According to me: I am MILES away from getting it
  • According to her: I am sooooo close

There is a phrase that I have always hated - so close and yet so far. It's so quasi-poetic and over-used. So here I am using it again but I'll put a twist on it so I don't loathe myself too deeply for it. I feel like I am so far and yet so far from really getting it. Which may mean I am closer than I think I am. Who knows? Certainly not me.

We go around and around about it and I keep trying to put too much brain power into things and just end up missing the big picture. It's getting frustrating for me and yet, of course, she is stll just as a patient as ever.

There is so much more to not thinking - to just reacting instinctually - than there appears to be. It's like I've been trying so hard to just react that I am wearing myself out and probably missing the point. Again.

She is still about the extremes. In just a few minutes she goes from tenderness to near rage and back. It seems so controlled somehow. So measured. Her nose taps are so dear to me and really, in a way, so are her neck zaps.

We seem to have seen the last of Mellamokeesha. Perhaps it's for the best anyway. Maybe someone with a simpler name would be better. How about an 'Ann' or a 'Lori?' Something nice and short?

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