Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Late and overdue

i have a friend in SL whom i have known for at least a year, probably more. She felt a bit put off by the fact that Mistress had me uncheck that box on my Friend's List that shows if i am online. She would make friendly attempts at conversation but being in Europe (and me being in Asia for most of the year so far), our conversations were limited to offline IMs, with her usually being the one to initiate things.

i am pretty sure i have lost her as a friend because she lost patience with the challenges of being a friend with me. She had to endure:
  • The friend's list check-box issue
  • The utterly opposite time zones
  • My short responses to her 'pings'
  • The cultural differences?
  • My busy-ness
That last one... that's the tricky one. i am as busy as i am because i don't manage my SL time as well as i could and perhaps should. True, i have to constantly be blogging and Mistress almost always has me doing some project for Her but i should make time in all that for people since they are what really matters in either world - RL or SL. Kind of blurs the lines a bit, doesn't it?

Mistress has been utterly busy lately and i haven't seen Her since July 9th. That is the longest i have gone without seeing Her since we met. i went from missing Her to hoping that all is well with Her to feeling deprived of Her and so on.

Every day i felt a little more needy and felt constrained in telling Her that for some reason. Something about being with Her always makes things so clear for me. Probably because She is a strong personality and is rather direct with me.

i love her and love being with Her in a very... not romantic way... not sexual at all but... it's admiration. Being with Her is almost like being with a parent or guardian; everything is right and proper when she is there and i flounder in a sea of gacktiness when she is away, especially for so long.

i have also been wondering how things will be for Jan in SL. Will She spend any where near the time here that she has? /me shrugs. We'll see i guess.


Lotofquestions said...

You're making interesting points. We've not been "friends", but the fact that I didn't know if you were online was definitely a "I'm going nowhere with it" kind of conclusion. SL is a demanding place, because usually people talk about very intimate things. And it requires attention from both parts. You drop a first bottle in the sea, a second one, but usually at the third attempt, it's a mixed feeling of "It's useless" and "Ouch, it hurts a bit, I thought there was a possible thing to build here".
On the other hand, you're building something very interesting with your Mistress and that's priceless. I hope you'll see her soon. Take care.

Emilee Gackt said...

Thanks for your ongoing observations. It really is interesting to read things from your viewpoint and i hope i keep seeing you here at the very least, if not in SL again soon.


Chili Theas said...

/me whispers softly: "You haven't lost your place in my heart, just the place on my friends list. I can be petty, yes, and admittedly I do have a lot of dormant friends, but for some reason that I cannot properly explain, you are different to me and just having you as another sleeper seems inacceptable to me. I guess we could just settle for saying "We've got history" and that wouldn't be so wrong, would it? And of course I was quite serious about the things that I wrote down for you....
Take care, Emilee"