Saturday, September 19, 2009

Officially homeless

Mistress and i officially moved out of the house this past week so i've been looking for some nice laces for Mistress and i to meet. There are plenty of places to pick from but my 'requirements' (odd that a slave should go around requiring things) are:
  • It should have relatively low traffic numbers (so there is low lag and a low horny newbie quotient)
  • It shouldn't have too little traffic; having an encounter with a potential slave worthy of Mistress' time and attention wouldn't be a bad thing.
  • It should be nice looking for Mistress and not have blaring neon signs and freebies everywhere.
  • There needs to be somewhere to for Her to sit in a pose that isn't compromising or lacking in dignity.
i have few places landmarked but Mistress will need to approve them before i call any of them 'home.'

Mistress sent me a note of a very brief conversation She had with someone named Suzi Zaystev. Mistress had a quick chat with suzi and asked me to meet her. i've been unable to find her online and since i can't IM at the moment, i have two options:
  • Keep hoping to catch suzi online, or...
  • Send suzi a notecard.
Sending a notecard seems like the easiest thing to do and it also seems almost like cheating in a way. Mistress gagged me for a reason and passing notes is a loophole that evades Mistress' intent.

On the other hand, if i were gagged in RL there is nothing that would prevent me from scribbling a note to communicate. In fact i sent a brief note to Jan a few nights ago. That one seemed different somehow though. Jan was online and suzi hasn't been so with suzi it seems more legitimate.

suzi's profile says that she is for sale for $5000L and it seems like that is for real. How fearfully thrilling that must be. It looks like her owner has an SL business training and selling slaves. That is an entirely different level of existence than what i have been experiencing in SL. Mistress is harsh sometimes but on the rare occasions when i earn some of Her affection i feel cared for and truly bound to Her.

Being something for sale would be such a tenuous, worrisome way to have to live. Humiliating and belittling and all those things that SL slaves say they want but it seems to me like it would be a case of regretting what you wanted once you actually got it.

Mistress asked me to write about my feelings if i were bound in RL as i am in SL. She cuffed my legs but left my arms free and gagged me so tightly (there are levels of tightness that obscure your speech dending on how tight it is; loose = recognizable muttering, tight equals total gibberish) that i can't talk to anyone in chat and turned off my IMs.

She gave me a task and told me to write about my feelings. At first i tried to imagine how a slave would feel - frustrated, helpless and so on. About half way through it i realized that i was maybe imagining the wrong this. i started over and wrote about how *i* would feel. Again, all i have to go on is imagination but if it were me in RL having to do what i had to in SL, my most dominant (so to speak) feeling or emotion would be kind of a thrilled sense of adventure. Probably i will never know for sure.

i sometimes forget the obvious when Mistress gives me assignments and i hate that my mind gets so clouded with stress and ideas about what to write and how to put things that my attention get diverted from what She originally asked for. As an example, She put me in some Gorean silks when she cuffed me and when i wrote about my feelings, it never crept into my busy little mind to include that and my feelings about it having to work when i am only barely dressed.

For the record, i would feel a little of the thrill i mentioned before but mostly feel like i would have some indignation about it. Maybe this is telling about how far my RL is from my SL but all that i have to offer and THIS is what She has me doing? Parading around mostly naked while i pack boxes?

Of course that is probably Mistress' intent - for me to explore how that would feel. Again, it seems less than likely that i will ever know for sure.

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