Oy.

[12:53] Mystique Oh: hi emilee, i was wondering whether u are interested in a Landmark for a new stylish shopping Location? We have a lot of Top Designer Stores there. And we provide you only High Quality stuff like female fashion, male fashion, accessoires, Neko wear, sunglases, tattoos, shoes, HQ skins and much more.
[12:53] Emilee Gackt: Wow... personalized spamming. That's a new one!
[12:54] Emilee Gackt: Sure, send your LM.
[12:54] Mystique Oh: lol, ty ;)

I got spam, an lol, a ty AND a smiley all in two IMs. Woot. Can you possibly guess whether I went to her shop?

What a long day in SL I had!

I was with Mistress for most of the morning and did a few project type things in the afternoon.

• I dealt with a bane (I'm not sure that will mean much to Jan - feel free to ask) Everything is taken care of; it's been locked in a new suit and it has 20 hours to go.
• I talked to someone that Mistress introduced me to. It's funny how much I found myself saying the exact things Mistress would say. She is still much more patient and apparently open-minded than I am. I had already made a decision about this person after about 3 sentences. That is kind of unfair of me and just another thing about Mistress that I admire.
• I finished a few assignments/projects and such and sent them along.

Mistress and i have this saying... "Sometimes it sucks to be a slave." With Mistress, it has been sucking less and less. When I was new to her, it was hard. The were a lot of times that things really did suck (very high suck factor!) and it was probably the newness and her intelligence that kept me in it.

Lately things haven't sucked really; I am choosing look at those times differently. It's all a choice you know. People have the power to decide how to view things. Anyway... My decision is to have things not suck but to be difficult or a challenge. Just not suck.

Mistress owns me in SL so she gets to own what I do, where I go, who I see, etc. I am having a hard time deciding that it doesn't suck that I have to get my Lindens from her.

As I am typing this I am feeling the catharsis that Jan and I have talked about. /me smiles. Thank you Jan.

So Mistress owns me and my Lindens and she owns what I do with them. Having to ask before I buy something kind of takes the fun out of it and it isn't like we shop together. There is just no spontaneity in it if I have to take a pic of an outfit, then email it, then have to justify why I want it. I want it 'cuz I want the act of getting it and the newness of owning it.

I also want Mistress there for me, helping and guiding and teaching. It's never an easy lesson and this one won't be either. I go to shops and feel so helpless, looking at things knowing that I want them and that I can afford them but... I can't buy them. It's hard to describe but it makes me feel like I am under a shelter. In the moment at the store I feel childish and frustrated and now, typing this I feel safe and protected.