Friday, August 29, 2008

L o n g day in SL today.

An example of the cleverness of Mistress:

We were in the house talking when a new person - two days old perhaps - tried to open the door. It is odd how manners just vanish for some people in SL, even when new. I wasn't perfect when I started in SL (not that I am now) but I would certainly never have wandered around trying to open doors to private houses.

We both fixed our cameras on him, just watching. He went to one or two other houses, then stopped in mid-rudeness.

Mistress had sent him a landmark to a sex place and within seconds he was gone. Our new 'anti-rude newbie' policy is to leave sex LMs scattered on the front porch.

Mistress is clever in many ways. She has seen things from many sides and has made that into a skill. I tend to be more face value. Spending time with her is almost always illuminating and the way that lessons unfold with her - so slowly sometimes - make the learning much more solid and deep.

Today's lessons, brought to you by the letter 'M.'

PUT DATES ON ALL ASSIGNMENTS AND CHORES - this is a copy/paste from a note to myself. Not a lesson per se, but I don't want it to become one.

[8:19] Jacquelin Mazi smiles: "so there are a few lessons today... can you name them so far?"
[8:19] Emilee Gackt nods.
[8:20] Emilee Gackt: I must use my heart Mistress.
[8:20] Emilee Gackt: And speak from my heart.

This was just boggling to me when Mistress first gave this rule, lesson, call it what you will.

I don't exactly recall if when she first told me about this if it was coupled with the 'never think' rule but really it must be. These two go together like peas & carrots, or maybe like... me and Jan (/me smiles).

Using and speaking from my heart gives Mistress a clear picture into my brain. If I just blurt what I feel it is so much more raw and unprocessed by the filters that the world forces people to develop. It is hard to explain. It's a high honor that Mistress wants to see that part of me and its touching that she has so patiently taken the time - over and over - to teach me how to show her.

If I think, ideas and emotions get run through that filter and become less pure.

In a way I am... what is the opposite of envious? I feel a loss for people who will never know this kind of relationship. It is so contradicting and so freeing and enriching. But then so are the relationships of other people. /me shrugs. Oh well.

[8:20] Emilee Gackt: I must not try to think.

That must look so unnerving to people outside looking in. From in here it is peaceful and it is part of a puzzle. Mistress gives me little pieces at a time and I s l o w l y put them all together. the next piece:

[8:23] Jacquelin Mazi nods: "first and foremost.... do you know anything I don't tell you?"
[8:23] Emilee Gackt: No Mistress.

Sometimes the answer is obvious but the lesson is just a seed. Saying 'yes' to that last question would have had consequences and Mistress is not one for trick questions usually. So clearly, 'no' was the proper answer.

[8:24] Jacquelin Mazi nods: "remember this lesson.... where you are now.... total and complete darkness.... no map..... no location..... no nothing..... you are a blank slate for me to write on...

Another statement that must be uncomfortable for people and was for me at first. I have learned how smart Mistress is and how she has a plan... how this is so much more than playing to her. Knowing all this makes being a blank slate not so much a bad thing really. To me it is potential and because of the trust we share I know that where she takes me is somewhere that will be good for me.

Seeing this process - the lessons, the puzzles, the hints that she gives - is amazingly endearing. Almost parental. She sees where it is best for me to go and as I see that unfold I look at her through more caring eyes each day.

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