Sunday, June 8, 2008

She welded (!) my collar on

The more I think about it the more I realize about it. I've been so self-centered in how I've been thinking. A big commitment that I made and this means so much to me. It's just now occurring to me that Mistress has feelings too. She always seems so cold and I think it's because she's done so much and she is so matter-of-fact about things sometimes that I feel that way. But she's still a person and I am flattered and honored and touched that she'd pick me to weld a collar on to.

I've never felt more sure that I'd have no regrets about something; this Mistress is different from the others I've known. Vastly different. I have regrets about a few things with her so far, but not about being permanently collared. That is just entirely thrilling.

I was going to end this post with that last paragraph and I realized that if I leave that 'I have a few regrets' comment as it is, I will only be given an essay to clarify it so i might as well clear it up now.

I regret not having been entirely honest with Mistress from the start. Everyone has secrets and I had mine, but mine were potentially hurtful. I am grateful that she showed me that and even more grateful that she kept me in spite of that. I regret that I ever brought up the problem of needing to go the bathroom while I am online; it's something that I should have been more discreet about and not forced as an issue and I feel ashamed that (now that I've given it some thought) I mentioned it with less than pure motives. I was trying to wheedle her into taking more control over me and I was out of place.

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