Thursday, June 5, 2008

Dancing, silks, Gor, diapers

Mistress asked me to dance for her today; I went and bought a few dances and some silks to go along with the dances.

I had to ask her for my own money back to buy the dances. How odd that felt; almost childish.

She asked to see some of the silks and I tried on the first set, the red ones. After I put them on (or was it before?) I reminded Mistress that I needed to use the restroom (I had told her once prior to that). She declined to let me go, saying ‘We’re doing something.”

She then asked to see me dance and I start one of the animations that I bought. Zapped. I finally figured out that I needed to have been emoting, so I emoted. Zapped. I made the emotes more intimate (not sexually intimate – just more persona – more like I was picturing myself in front of her). No zaps, but just barely. All that time and typing and thought and emotion and she said I danced like a bloated yak. I suppose that in a way I was a bit bloated; at this point I had still not used the bathroom. When I originally asked her to go, I had waited until I needed to go rather badly. This was based on a prior conversation we had on the subject.

The fact that I even asked at all was based on a rule that a Master in Gor had. We always had to ask before going AFK; he’d always say yes, but we always had to ask. I suppose it is also due to not wanting to be in the bathroom when Mistress might be awaiting an answer to a question.

My assignment isn’t an essay at least but my vision of the future just got a little grim; I hated dancing in Gor and luckily only had to do it twice. Now that she has read this I’ll no doubt be dancing and emoting until my fingers are cramped. I need to have it be more personal, more intimate and have it not take 6 minutes to type 4 lines of text.

Mistress finally allowed me to use the bathroom; she gave me 2 minutes and by this time it was quite painful. When I got back she asked to see the rest of the silks I had bought. I couldn’t take off the ones I was already wearing because Mistress had used a script to prevent me from removing my clothes. I told that I was still blocked from undressing and she replied that I was trying hard enough.

I tried again (how much effort can be put into a mouse click?) and when I still couldn’t do it, I was shocked to find myself crying. This was the third time I had cried about something she had me do but this one was just silly.

Just prior to getting so emotional I had asked Mistress how I should deal with having to go to the bathroom while I am online with her. She knew that a previous SL Mistress introduced me to wearing diapers and she knew that I had tried one on. Not on my avatar. Me, in the real world and as an adult. So there was the solution. I’m to be diapered when I login and when I login, I am to always use the RR Viewer unless approved by Mistress.

It’s surprising to me how indulgent I’ve become lately; how much SL I’ll let creep into my real world. For the first time since Gor (over a year I suppose), it occurred to me that I should think about some boundaries. Then it occurred to me that even if I set some lines that shouldn’t to be crossed, would my recent permissive mood keep on the right side of them?

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