Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Is it a test?

I keep logging in waiting to see Mistress and she keeps not being there and my fertile mind makes more of it than it probably is.

She told me to login and wait for her and that stalking the website for her was no longer allowed. Or did she say trolling? Anyway, the stalking and trolling has stopped and I've logged on at every available moment. I'm still feeling a lot of shame that I ever made such a big deal about using the restroom... and such. Earlier today and yesterday when I logged in and waited for her I had even put on a diaper as she has told me to do.

So I sat here a few hours this morning... actually more like two I suppose and the man came to fix cable TV and then found some problem with the Internet coming into the house and he was here for about an hour. I thought it would be a much quicker fix than all that he had to do and so by the time he left, the diaper I was wearing had become quite uncomfortable. It was hot and itchy and sweaty but I kept waiting for Mistress and didn't want to have to tell her that I wasn't wearing one.

You can't really get at an itch through a diaper and the plastic on the outside makes them hotter > sweatier > itchier. No wonder babies cry so much.

I promised myself that I'd never bring this up again and here I am... blogging the heck out of it. Anyway...

I'm picturing Mistress intentionally not logging in, knowing that I'm sitting here waiting for her. I'm not entirely sure if she gets how I feel about the whole diaper dilemma. It was a fun, tender diversion at one point in my SL past and now it's just shameful, in more ways than one. I've tried to talk her out of it and what I wanted to say came out not quite how I meant it to. I tried to tell her that I never should have brought it up and that I manipulated her into it. She assured me otherwise and it occurred to me that the more I bring it up and the more attention I give to it the more permanent it is likely to become.

How easy it must be to misread my intentions with this post. This whole thing is just shameful and it is an odd thing being so slavey that I find myself baring all this on the Internet. Oh well... no one really uses the Internet much do they?

I can't believe I'm about to post this.

This post didn't turn out to be about what I thought it would be. I was originally wondering what Mistress was up to when she told me to log in and wait for her. Is she testing me to see how long I'll wait? Is she seeing if I'll follow her rules?

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