Friday, June 13, 2008

Old habits

With Masters and Mistresses I've had in the past, I've always been able to probe for a weakness and always found one. I was never overt about it but it was still there; I'd get a rule, be told to do something, etc. and immediately look for ways to make things easier for myself. Almost without fail I got away with it. In Gor I hated having to say 'this girl' and so I just quit and that lead to me not kneeling.

With the last Mistress I had, I made a pastime out of testing her and stretching her rules. With her there were patterns; she'd clamp down and be quite strict and then I'd start in again with my constant wheedling and thing would get looser until she'd clamp down again.

It's nothing like that with this Mistress. She has amazing powers of perception. Just astonishing.

I am troubled that it takes getting caught for me to honest with her. I think it is because I am still scared of her in a way. I've never dealt with the real thing before and it's been hard for me to relax and let myself be me. It's shameful that I'm not sure if I'd be honest with her if she didn't have her magical Mistress powers. Probably I would not; I hadn't been with any of the people I knew on all those other accounts.

And for some reason she actually likes me.

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