Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Lots of things, seemingly random

Mistress and i had a chat with someone who sent her a random IM, looking for an abusive home. All throughout the conversation, one of a few things kept happening:

  • i'd be typing as we would talk and the conversation would progress to the point where what i'd typed wasn't relevant or...

  • i'd type something that was so full of errors that i'd need to fix so much that by the time i was ready, what i had typed was old news or...

  • i'd type something and re-read it, not like it and start over.
After the conversation was over Mistress expressed Her frustration about how quiet i was the whole time:

[8:10] Emilee Gackt nods her head seriously. "Yes Mistress, thank You for telling me. i found myself at a loss for words a few times and typed and re-typed what i was going to say until it was irrelevant."

[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: never re-type
[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: it takes too long
[8:11] Emilee Gackt nods.
[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: and I DISLIKE waiting
[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: go with your heart
[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: instinct
[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: action and reaction
[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: no thinking

i know better than this.

[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: you know better

See? Even Mistress knows that i know better.

As for as re-typing as a matter of clarity:

[8:12] Jacquelin Mazi: I want your first guess
[8:12] Jacquelin Mazi: I don't care how foolish it looks or sounds

So there we are... the first rule i ever got and i needed a review on it. Sheesh. At the end of all this Mistress told me to find a typing test and check my WPM. i am already embarrassed by the results and i haven't even taken it yet.

Mistress has given longer, more detailed versions of this and the next time She does, i'll expand this, but for now, may i introduce to your attentions please, Mistress and her views on D/s:

I feel there are three parts to effective Dominance in SL: animation, imagination and text.

First and most important possibly is text. If you can't write or create an intelligent sentence... *shrugs*... it becomes confusing and unnecessarily convoluted. Its why I expect and ask for emotes as well as you being very clear and direct with all you say and do with me.
The animation in SL is often very cheesy, but it has its uses. With the proper text surrounding and good imagination, this *points to the nearby furniture and trees* can feel very real.
Mistress gave me a challenge today to see if i can go 7 days with no zaps, no punishments, no corrections. i'm not sure i even have gone that long but on the other hand, i am not sure She has ever given me a challenge like this. i do want to win.

Time is a complete blur to me. i am in a far away time zone on the opposite side of the earth from nearly everyone i care about and the times here are the opposites of what they are at home. In fact, in Mistress and Jan's case, it is exactly opposite. Noon here is midnight where they are. It is hard to remember when day and night is since i am never sure which day and night we are talking about.

i've started taking a sleeping pill at bedtime (which for me is at about 9 am Manila time) to help me stay on a schedule. Sometimes the pills work too well. i slept right through the time that i had told Mistress i would be online. i missed by two hours in fact. Ouch.

i immediately started on my punishment, even though She hadn't given me one. That didn't much matter. i'd kept her waiting and so i knew what was coming so i started on 100 lines about being on time. Mistress logged in while i was still working on the list. i was in the 70s as i recall. i sent Her the list and She reacted:

[6:07] Jacquelin Mazi: so... to clarify.. wait... what is this?
[6:08] Emilee Gackt sighs pathetically. "i was trying to be proactive Mistress. i wanted to reply to Your email with that as the attachment."
[6:09] Jacquelin Mazi: you did not explain what this is... do NOT dance around your words... you know better.. what is this?

i hate when i do that to Her.

[6:10] Emilee Gackt takes a breath to try and clear her mind. She starts again, fighting to keep from being so nervous. "It is the start of 100 lines Mistress. i felt that You would appreciate it if i was proactive with it."
[6:11] Jacquelin Mazi: I will give you one more chance to explain fully... so far, you are bouncing around what this is... do not do it again... say it

i felt like that one was pretty clear.

[6:13] Emilee Gackt starts again, frustrated with herself. "i kept You waiting when i should not have. i was not here when i should have been. Common sense tells me that You would have given me lines or some other punishment so i started the lines before You assigned them. It is the beginning of 100 lines. It is a punishment."
[6:13] Jacquelin Mazi glares trying to keep a serious expression.. then suddenly laughs loudly clapping and rolling her head back
[6:14] Jacquelin Mazi: PERFECT!!!
[6:14] Jacquelin Mazi smiles ruffling your hair: "GOOD GIRL!"
[6:15] Emilee Gackt lets out a long, relieved breath and lets her face dissolve into a smile. Her hands begin to tremble at the sudden release of so much stress. 'Thank You Mistress. You have no idea how relieved i am!"

i just melted into a pile of quivering nerves.

The first time i wore this outfit, Mistress told me that it was one of Her favorites. When we went to meet Larysa, i put it on expecting Her approval and instead got something more like indifference. What did i learn? Mistress has the right to be fickle, change Her mind and/or be inconsistent.

Oh and by the way, Mistress is one of the most trustworthy people i know.

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