Monday, February 2, 2009

A few minutes in the awful cage

I was late with an assignment today (actually it was yesterday but that is hardly the point) and Mistress made me beg to be punished.

I know Jan, that sounds abhorrent doesn't it? *smiles and winks*

It is less worse than it sounds when you are me though. I had this sort of really incongruent surge of emotion for Mistress when she left me in the cage. I hated being stuck in there but at the same time it was like I was a child who had the wisdom of a parent. I felt myself drawn to her and missing her while she left me alone in the cage with my 2nd grade math.

It could have been much worse and I am grateful for her mercy and kindness, which is a big part of why I felt what I did for her - why it was such a surge I guess.

Mistress kept saying things like this today:
[10:37] Jacquelin Mazi: this type of reaction makes you one step closer to the animal world lil gackty one.... I am glad to see you not trying to 'think' and simply obeying what your heart tells you...... instinct is perfect for a lil gackty animal like you *smiles*

I was surprised at how matter-of-fact she was about it. It was a revelation to me which is maybe why I was surprised by it. Is that really how she sees me and what I am becoming? And... if so, is it all that bad given my feelings for her? I suppose I can live with that, not that I have much choice really.

This made me happy:

[10:52] Jacquelin Mazi smiles leaning in to beep your nose lightly: "I enjoy hearing your heart speak to me so clearly lil gackty one.... I like knowing what you like and dislike... what is difficult for you to hear and grasp and what makes you happy and smile and eager... and nervous.. and excited... and frustrated and all things in between... "

I was happy that something so elusive FINALLY seems to be happening for me and I was happy that she acknowledged it. It was like a surprise bonus on payday.

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