Our time together is sometimes still quite stressful to me; I am still 'learning' you and at this point I know you only well enough to keep you at least semi-satisfied. I am anxious for more of my personality to seep in to our conversations.
I look back at my notes of our conversations and I see so many things I say starting with "Emilee Gackt nods." It's so repetitive but there isn't a suitable synonym for 'nod’, really. I'm constantly tempted to stop using emotes just to avoid sounding so parrot-like. "Squawk! Emilee Gackt nods. Emilee Gackt nods." I'll be preening myself soon and doing that little head-bob thing that caged birds do when they see themselves in a mirror.
You winked at me and my heart leaped! I was so thrilled to see a bit of affection so casually given. A wink is so personal and so intimate to me. Such a simple gesture but it can mean so many things. I was so happy at that wink. I made it mean that you understand me and that you care for me. You care for me.
And then you shushed me a minute later. "The grown ups are talking" you said. How demeaning that you'd think of me as not even a grown up, not fit to take part in a conversation. A conversation about ME no less! Then my mind created a picture of it, you discussing my banishment with Green reminded me of a parent discussing a child's care with her doctor. How odd that I should find being shushed and demeaned so caring and loving.
Being with you today was so touching and so terribly needed. I have 33 minutes left. Without our time today I'd be going into this alone. I can't imagine that. I feel so near you all of a sudden. I need you with me while I am bane. That will give me a goal and an end to strive for.
I'm running out of time. I wanted to include more on this and it looks like I'll need to blog it. I had so many thoughts today. So much anticipation. I didn't think I'd be so scared which is silly. Of course I'm scared. What was I thinking? I personalized everything about Gor so why wouldn't I do the same here?
I have 19 minutes left.
About Me
- Emilee Gackt
- Because of her disarming wit and utter charm, a gackt is prone to fits of entitlement and privilege and affects an extremely calm demeanor in the face of adversity, perhaps believing that she can will events around her to bend in her favor. She can be as slow to learn as she is persistent, sometimes taking weeks (or even months in the most acute examples) to be convinced to act in accordance with and abide by the simplest wishes of her owners and superiors. ¸.•*´*•.¸¸.•*´´*•.¸¸.•*´*•.¸¸.•*´ The typical gackt is patient, smart and leans towards sarcasm (perhaps in defense of some unmentioned hurt she has suffered). Gackts are unhurried and deliberate and will be most productive in a familiar environment. To her own undoing, a gackt is usually rather casual with rules, preferring to focus on the goal rather than how to get there. she is a tolerant and understanding listener and people find her easy to talk to and feel no pressure or impatience from her, finding instead a faithful friend and follower who is likely to take on more than she can reasonably be expected to endure.
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