Sunday, November 9, 2008

It isn't obey when I can or if I can or if it fits into my schedule. It's just plain obey.

Ever since I've started working - at a 'real' job - I have enjoyed privilege and freedom beyond what my peers have gotten. It has been due to a combination of things but mostly it is my abilities, my personality and honestly I feel like it has had something to do with my appearance. At work I've been able to do what I want, how I want and when I want and in SL the same has been true for the most part.

Prior to being with Mistress I was in Gor and had the same privileges there as I do at work. I just charmed my way into almost a celebrity status and didn't have to really follow any rules or do what most of the others there had to do. It was sort of this unwritten rule that I was somehow exempt.

It was nice at first and then became a complete bore. I found myself wishing that I would be treated like the others were. I finally have that with Mistress and I am trying to do to her what I do at work and what I did in Gor. She is smart enough to have spotted it and told me that it won't work with her and I am just barely smart enough to recognize it and agree.

I have so many routines in the way I deal with things and how I prioritize what I need to do. Some of it makes sense and some of it is probably unique to me. I have a tendency to put things off when I could probably get them done... which I guess isn't all that unique. It's just lazy. Mistress called it cheating, which confused me for a while. I got too hung up in the definition and missed the point that I hadn't done what she asked of me by the deadline she gave me. Lazy, cheating, call it what you will, I didn't get it done.

I am in no position to argue with her, or look for loopholes or be lazy. I must be obedient and do as she says, as a minimum.

[13:48] Jacquelin Mazi: you COULD have made more effort to contact Xandra for the dance club
[13:48] Jacquelin Mazi: you COULD have made an effort to contact dina
[13:48] Jacquelin Mazi: you COULD have started making a list of what I need so you can cross them off in the future
[13:48] Jacquelin Mazi: you COULD remember to focus more on emotions and listening to my words

I have slowly slipped from impressing Mistress to being about average or worse. It might be due to work and such but the fact is that I have changed with Mistress and she deserves the old me rather than the more recent lazy, cheating, call it what you will me.

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