One of the nicest people in SL:

i recently blogged about needing a lag free zone in SL (don't laugh; Mistress assures me that they do exist). A day or so later i got this IM:

[2009/05/31 0:07] Izo Pakula: (Saved Sat May 30 12:59:14 2009) Hello, our place is, I think, not too laggy, and you're almost never online at the same time as us. If you need a non laggy place, tell me and i'll send you a LM of the house (and I'll set the alarm of :-))

This really was a very thoughtful gesture. Welcoming Mistress and i into her (Izo's) home completely alone... what an amazing level of trust Izo has. On the other hand... it isn't like i:

• WOULD do anything there that would be inappropriate or...
• even COULD if i wanted to

Still, it was a very nice thing of her to offer.

Mistress decided that i needed to be gagged tonight. i don't exactly remember why, just that She felt the need. So for a good part of our time together, all i could do was emote (or just blubber out nonsense in chat). After one of my first attempts at an emote She gave me this critique:

[9:02] Jacquelin Mazi: it was a poor emote.... we do not read your thoughts[9:02] Jacquelin Mazi: we don't know what you 'realize'[9:02] Jacquelin Mazi: we only see reactions[9:02] Jacquelin Mazi: nothing more

Very true. But up until now She has worked so hard on getting at what is in my head that it seemed almost natural the way i put whatever i had said. So... two sets of emoting rules:

• One for every day emoting and...
• One for gagged emoting

Izo sent me an IM while i was gagged:

[9:21] Izo Pakula: :-) It's a holiday in France tomorrow, who knows, we might at one point be online at the same time[9:21] Emilee Gackt: *** IM blocked by sender's viewer

[9:22] Izo Pakula laughs and thinks indeed: sometimes it sucks to be a slave ;-)[9:22] Emilee Gackt: *** IM blocked by sender's viewer

She is a clever one isn't she? Clever and kind and French even. Mistress asked me to make sure that Izo knows that she may contact and even befriend Mistress if her Master would allow it.

When i TP'd Desire, i was trying to be proactive and helpful. That was slight... hmm... misinterpretation?

[10:04] Jacquelin Mazi: I appreciate that you felt you would use common sense and try to please me.... a few bonus points for that....[10:04] Jacquelin Mazi: however[10:05] Jacquelin Mazi: this particular type of action was wrong[10:05] Jacquelin Mazi: if it involved you doing something FOR me... I appreciate it.. but... if it involves you doing something for me with or around other people? be VERY careful

It is oddly appealing that things are so difficult with Mistress sometimes. Just being with Her in casual situations is a challenge (in a good way) but sometimes i get so nervous with Her that i feel like i deprive Her of some parts of me. i want to make Her laugh just like i do with Jan and my other friends but i get so wrapped up in so much else that parts of me just whither sometimes.

Hard for me to get this point...

This was Mistress' response after i asked my 3rd question of the evening (morning for her):

[8:06] Jacquelin Mazi: if you have a question... you write it down and ask when I am finished with you.... do you get that yet?

Please keep in mind that this quote is completely out of context and makes Her sound like a complete ogre (which maybe is what She had in mind) but in my mind, the way this conversation progresses, this would have been a perfectly reasonable thing for anyone in Her position to say.

We spent a lot of time sorting through my voluminous wardrobe tonight. She said that we got about half way and that we'd pick up with it again next time. [my most excited voice] i simply can't wait! It is a small frustration for me that when Mistress puts something on me, i can't really tell her how i usually like to wear or what i like to wear it with.

One of the things i need to do is work on the names of a few folders. i had them all named for Her benefit and not mine. i tried to pick names that were succinct and still descriptive. She told me to change the name of one folder and it seemed at the time that it was for my benefit but now that i've had a chance to look, it was clearly and obviously for Hers... as it should be.

She found a few of my outfits that barely measured up the Her standards. This is the part where it sucks to be a slave. Two of the four that she said were barely OK are two of my favorites. Like She always says, sometimes it sucks to be a slave.

Mistress gave me a project tonight and almost acknowledged that it was impossible. i need a sim with no lag for Her to finish the wardrobe project. One challenge is obvious - no lag in SL? Hah! Another challenge is that when She would switch from one outfit to another, i had no lag at all so finding one with no lag will be a challenge.

Three possibilities so far:

• Fame (seems to be ok lag-wise but rated PG)
• Waterhead
• Kapor (mostly underwater and rated PG but if you are underwater when you change clothes, who would see?)

i did a quick check of Waterhead. It was almost too laggy to move. i've been to Fame before and it was almost always empty but the few people i ever met there were oddballs.

Another challenge:

[8:17] Jacquelin Mazi: hm.... I'm not thrilled with the material... the cut is okay... but as a general rule.. I dislike ruffles and frilly things.... and sheer... so this one barely makes the cut

So the tricky part of this is that a long time ago, Mistress said that a white lace top i have was one of Her favorites. Not ruffly or frilly but it seemed to me that it would be in that general category.

i just TP'd to Fame (which seemed to have no lag but to me, neither did the house) and landed in a giraffe race. See what i mean?

i have two outfits that have maroon jackets (see below). In the folder that Mistress uses to pick what i wear, they have similar names and so it is hard for Her to tell the difference, especially since one is all on the shirt layer and one is all on the jacket layer. i was apparently wearing two layers from different outfits when She looked at them.

Outfit-Jns/Maroon Jkt

Outft-Jns/Maroon

When Mistress asked if i had any last questions i *really* wish i had asked Her how to name these two to avoid any more confusion.

The Manila Daily Star

A typo-free evening?

i logged on with a goal tonight but after i considered it, i realized that i couldn't do it by myself. i'd need someones 'help' with it. i am going to try to get through an entire 'session' in SL with no typos. A bit optimistic? Perhaps but a lofty goal is better than no goal.

Typo count so far: 0
Time in SL: 12 minutes
Lines of type: 2

Off to a solid start!

Time in SL so far: 31 minutes
Typo count: 0
Line of type: lots

First typo: 7:03

Being with Mistress is most often a varying experience. It is calm sometimes and even fun and it is sometimes unnerving and stress inducing. It was right about 7:03 that She reminded me (again) of how good She is at what She does in SL and how stress inducing She can be. Despite it all (and there was much of it) i still managed to end the night with only a few typos, probably fewer than 10.

So here is a fair question... why did i feel the need to give myself this little challenge? i've raised the bar unnecessarily and even blogged about it. At this point i will have no choice but to type with as much care and attention from now on as i did tonight.

That phrase 'from now on' can be a powerful one:

• From now on, you will only be allowed to breathe on days that end in a Y.
• From now on, you will receive an allowance of $1000L a week.
• From now on, you will type with one finger.
• From now on...

You get the point by now i am sure. It is strange that i have put myself into a position where someone like Mistress has the ability to wield such power in only 3 words and it is also strange how i am learning to adapt to what She wants from me. Adapt and be strengthened really.

Guess You had to be there.

My next career?

i was doing Scramble today for the first time in a long time and i must say i was a bit rusty. Either that or they made the words harder.

[0:33] GS: Scramble: No solution found. The answer was 'RAMOLLESCENCE'.

Who in the world has ever heard of ramollescence? Sheesh.

i was Scrambling for about 40 minutes when Jan logged in and we continued our interrupted time together from yesterday. Just as She logged in, i was wondering how much Scramble would pay as a full time job.

Not much.

At the rate that i made Lindens today, i would make $18L per hour. That works out to $5760 per week and $288,000L per year (assuming a 50 week year with two weeks off for vacation of course). That's $1107.99 in US dollars. It looks like i should keep my day job for now.

They also have Hangman at the place i went today and though i wasn't playing, i noticed that this word popped up:

[1:11] GS: Hangman: No solution found. The answer was 'SUBMISSIVE'.

i haven't seen Mistress since before i took a few SL days off over the last weekend. i am beginning to feel that hesitant state of concern that will either be interpreted as genuine concern or misinterpreted as my being needy and clingy. i do look forward to seeing Mistress and i want Her to feel the same and that is what makes our relationship a challenge for me. i depend on Her too much sometimes to give me things to do to please Her but it is hard to be proactive at times. What to do?

The Manila Bee, attempt 4

Something isn't right

My last post is proof that Blogger is a bugger. i'll work on getting that fixed right away.