It isn't obey when I can or if I can or if it fits into my schedule. It's just plain obey.

Ever since I've started working - at a 'real' job - I have enjoyed privilege and freedom beyond what my peers have gotten. It has been due to a combination of things but mostly it is my abilities, my personality and honestly I feel like it has had something to do with my appearance. At work I've been able to do what I want, how I want and when I want and in SL the same has been true for the most part.

Prior to being with Mistress I was in Gor and had the same privileges there as I do at work. I just charmed my way into almost a celebrity status and didn't have to really follow any rules or do what most of the others there had to do. It was sort of this unwritten rule that I was somehow exempt.

It was nice at first and then became a complete bore. I found myself wishing that I would be treated like the others were. I finally have that with Mistress and I am trying to do to her what I do at work and what I did in Gor. She is smart enough to have spotted it and told me that it won't work with her and I am just barely smart enough to recognize it and agree.

I have so many routines in the way I deal with things and how I prioritize what I need to do. Some of it makes sense and some of it is probably unique to me. I have a tendency to put things off when I could probably get them done... which I guess isn't all that unique. It's just lazy. Mistress called it cheating, which confused me for a while. I got too hung up in the definition and missed the point that I hadn't done what she asked of me by the deadline she gave me. Lazy, cheating, call it what you will, I didn't get it done.

I am in no position to argue with her, or look for loopholes or be lazy. I must be obedient and do as she says, as a minimum.

[13:48] Jacquelin Mazi: you COULD have made more effort to contact Xandra for the dance club
[13:48] Jacquelin Mazi: you COULD have made an effort to contact dina
[13:48] Jacquelin Mazi: you COULD have started making a list of what I need so you can cross them off in the future
[13:48] Jacquelin Mazi: you COULD remember to focus more on emotions and listening to my words

I have slowly slipped from impressing Mistress to being about average or worse. It might be due to work and such but the fact is that I have changed with Mistress and she deserves the old me rather than the more recent lazy, cheating, call it what you will me.

Mistress shared some of her RL with me tonight. Big deal right? I've shared things with Jan and she with me and I've shared things with so many I have met here. It's just somehow different with Mistress. She has this gracious privacy about her and once you know her you know that her RL is not something you just ask about. If she wants or needs me to know something about her RL, she will make sure that at the right time and place, I know it. Having her volunteer RL things is a privilege.


We started out the evening a bit... whatever. I was looking for some cute word. I forgot to blog 2 nights ago when I saw Mistress for the first time in a few days. We spent a few hours together and we ended quite late for me. When she logged off I went straight to bed. There have been times in the past when I have done the same thing... right to bed after logging off and there has always been a little switch that flipped at the second my head hit the pillow that reminded me of the blog.


This time I just zonked out and completely forgot about it. I hate that feeling, not so much because I might get zapped or be left in the cage for endless hours or whatever. Mistress is disappointed when I disappoint her and the punishment is as much having earned a punishment as it is being punished.


If I typed that last sentence in SL chat, she would have told me that it is unclear and to type it again so let me give it another try...

Disappointing Mistress is just as painful to me as any punishment she could dish out.

That might be a bit of an exaggeration but the idea is clear. I hate to disappoint her and I hate that it causes her to be upset when I mess up.

Once we got things settled about my mistake, we talked about how we never talk about politics and then did some chatting in Japanese, sort of.

All Jan, All night. What a fun time we had, me in my box and her in my IM. We just chatted it up like crazy for like three hours.

Last night Mistress and I set a time to meet in SL and I must have gackt it. I kept expecting her to log in, then hoping that she would and then I began realizing that if she did, it would be too late for me to spend any time with her.
What a bugger this is.

I got the boots so I guess that makes me a dancer, right? So if I get a scalpel, am I all of a sudden a surgeon?

I went to do some Scramble at Hell Bop and the entire place was sealed off with one of those 'No Entry' barricades so I went to the coffee place and they have changed the trivia to ultra obscure movie questions.

"What was the name of Captain Video's spaceship?" Um... was it the "I have no clue?"

It's odd how tiring it is to adjust to a new schedule. Of course it might have something to do with the fact that I am doing real work again and not just coordinating things from vendors and such. Mistress and I are trying to find at least a few common times when we can be online together and so far it's been a challenge because of both of our work schedules.

I am in the middle of a five week training class and the vendor-supplied training manuals are 3000 pages long. The FGs (that's how trainers say 'Facilitator's Guides) are twice as long. It's ridiculous! 6000 pages! No wonder I am so beat all the time.

Anyway, back to SL... Mistress and I decided on some boots and I am still waiting to hear from the club where I will be working. It's not a huge secret that I am dreading this but I will give it my best attempt and with Jan's help I might actually not be awful at it. Thank you again Jan!

Boot choices

There looked like they were well made but they might be a bit extreme. There is also a a version of these with 'regular' heels.

These were the nicest I found and there were a few colors available. There was also a similar style in knee high.

I logged in and just worked on a few things for Mistress. I would have loved to see her but it was quite useful having some time just to get caught up my assignments.