Finally free, sort of.

When I first when back home, I was dismayed to see the cages you'd installed in the apartment. I'd just finished my time a portable cage and I come home to see permanent ones. In MY own apartment no less! I did offer Mistress the use of it though and even went as far as 'my home is your home.' In fact, that point was made very clear to me today. What is mine IS hers.

When we went shopping I was oddly ill at ease. It was awkward somehow, and even when I went later, by myself I felt the same strange agitation. It was as if, for the forst time, I didn't have the need or even the desire for more clothes. That suit changed things for me, at least temporarily. It might have been the newness of being yours. Either way, shopping was an oddity.

My goodness these assignments are time consuming. It is a good thing of course that I have a Mistress who understands that there is so much more to a relationship like ours than handcuffs and pose balls. These assignments - the writing in particular - are every bit as much a part of domination as the suit was or as a gag or cuffs or a whip. These are much deeper; these assignments are mental and intellectual domination, not just physical.

One of my assignments is to research chastity belts; another to get a gag updated. It's so odd that I willingly do these things, that I know I'll be frustrated and angered by them and yet off I go to get a new gag and to research chastity belts. Having to do so is delicious, as will wearing them be. Delicious, enchanting, distasteful and disagreeable.

Having these things forced on me is what is so tantalizing; having no choice and way to resist. That was the charm of the bane suit I think. I was helpless and free.

[15:14] Custodian whispers: Time over, Emilee is given the keys to her Custodian back (detached 0 times)

I'm done. All that remains is to be stripped of the suit.

Sunrises are the gloomiest

Something about watching the SL sun coming up makes time pass so slowly for me. Like the end of a long night, when it is coldest.

The worst part

Overall, life as a bane was a trial but no so much as I though it might be. It has been long, lonely and frustrating. I think that the anonymity has kept me from being too humiliated. The truly difficult thing about it has been being put on display; being referred to so objectively and just being watched and looked at, being shown to other subs. Thank goodness I'd finished maintence before that was shown off as well.

[9:55] Jacquelin Mazi: tick tock to the little banished girl...

I was as glad for the company as I was irked at being stared at.

I somehow made a friend who figured out a way to 'talk' to me. At first he'd send notecards and I could read the titles. I declined them all (of course) and then he added me to a group and started sending group notices. He sort of adopted me in a way; he made me a little hut and assured me that it was safe to go in. I (of course) wouldn't go anywhere near it. He somehow set his land so that no one else could enter it. I'm probably in big trouble for even accepting the group invitation. I'll find out soon enough I suppose.

I had a visitor today; I think I was on her land. She was so incredibly thick! I would walk away from her and she'd floow along like a puppy on a leash. I'd TP to an adjacent sim and within a few minutes, there she'd be. She showed up at one point riding a whale and waving. She was within 3 or 4 meters more than once. I finally TP'd to a random sim and very luckily, didn't land on a rooftop.

I have less than three hours left and I find it odd that I am both anxious (a lot) and reluctant (a little) to leave my suit. It is so lonely and boring but there is so relatively little to worry about; no decisions, no responsibilities, no typing numbered lines. Just solitude, some shame and some occasional panic.

Such a sweet, helpful man...

[19:06] Windchant Ikarus: (Saved Mon May 26 17:18:57 2008) Hi

[19:06] Windchant Ikarus: (Saved Mon May 26 17:19:06 2008) Dont ask me why.

[19:06] Windchant Ikarus: (Saved Mon May 26 17:19:37 2008) I dont fully understand it myself. Maybe because of things that have happened in my past.

[19:06] Windchant Ikarus: (Saved Mon May 26 17:21:56 2008) I know you cant answer me. thats ok

[19:06] Windchant Ikarus: (Saved Mon May 26 17:23:06 2008) This isnt much. Its humble. But, take this landmark, and understand whom its for and that you will not be seeked after.

[19:06] Windchant Ikarus: (Saved Mon May 26 17:23:45 2008) if you want to approach me , youi can, i wont bite.

[19:06] Windchant Ikarus: (Saved Mon May 26 17:24:02 2008) i wont approach you unless you seek me.

[19:06] Windchant Ikarus: (Saved Mon May 26 17:24:45 2008) if you read land permits you will understand nobody can bother you.

[19:06] Windchant Ikarus: (Saved Mon May 26 17:53:26 2008) The placxe is almost nothing.

[19:06] Windchant Ikarus: (Saved Mon May 26 17:54:25 2008) But I can add things for you. right now its barefly basics, not even. But I dont know if you will accept my gift.

[19:13] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:13] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:13] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:14] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:14] Emilee Gackt: *** IM blocked by sender's viewer

[19:14] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:14] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:20] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:22] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:22] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:25] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:25] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:25] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:28] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:28] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:29] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:29] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:29] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:29] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:29] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:29] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:30] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:30] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:30] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:31] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

[19:32] Windchant Ikarus: *** IM blocked by your viewer

Quite persistent as well.

I am so lonely.

Geez.