Yeah... so she talks to Mistress in the context of looking for an owner and Mistress tells her that i would contact her. So eventually we connect, she sends me a TP and when i get there, suzi is being inspected by a potential buyer.
That might have been a good time for her to say something like 'Now isn't the best of times for me, perhaps later?'
This must be how i make Mistress feel sometimes. suzi didn't display the most common sense in the world by TPing me and i know there are times when my common sense account is at a negative balance.
/me shrugs.
Oh well. Maybe next time.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Tried again with Suzi
Still not having much luck there. No luck in fact.
Jan told me about a pretty neat website/thing in SL. It makes an avatar from a photo that You... upload? input? i don't know really because when i got to the place in SL that does it (Avatar Island) i realized that my skin was custom made for me and 'glued on' by someone Mistress knows. So the custom avatar job? Probably not for me unless Mistress approves which i am not at all sure She will since She went to the time and expense of having this one made.
Jan told me about a pretty neat website/thing in SL. It makes an avatar from a photo that You... upload? input? i don't know really because when i got to the place in SL that does it (Avatar Island) i realized that my skin was custom made for me and 'glued on' by someone Mistress knows. So the custom avatar job? Probably not for me unless Mistress approves which i am not at all sure She will since She went to the time and expense of having this one made.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Bought and sold like a piece of luggage
When i logged in i felt the same nervousness, fear, excitement and anticipation that i always do. Being with someone who always has such high expectations and low tolerance for mistakes is always a challenge. Still, i was glad to see her – as always – and kissed her in the symbolic and sincere way that i always do. The fact that She let me was a glad thing for me.
[8:07] RR Ballgag 1.13.1 whispers: Emilee Gackt's RR Ballgag 1.13.1 has been locked by Jacquelin Mazi (Type Tight).
[8:07] RR Ballgag 1.13.1: You've been gagged... You are authorized to speak on channel /1 only
When She gagged and blinded me i felt like i had gone too long without doing anything for Her, that i had let RL take too much time from her and that She was understandably upset. Even if She was un-understandably upset, She can be and do as she pleases. That’s why She’s the Mistress.
Here is a list of what Mistress decided for me this morning:
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to rez from inventory
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to TP to LM's
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to TP using Map
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to TP to Friends
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee may TP to Friends for only Jacquelin Mazi
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to receive IM's
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee may receive IM's from Jacquelin Mazi
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to send IM's
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee may send IM's to Jacquelin Mazi
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see chat
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee may see chat from Jacquelin Mazi
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to type in chat
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to set environment
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to fly
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see names
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see location
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to touch far objects
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see worldmap
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see minimap
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to use Inventory
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to read notecards
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to stand once seated
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to wear more clothes
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to remove clothes
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to sit >1.5m
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to edit/build
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to shout
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to talk normally
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to whisper
There are two ways to look at that list. You could say that i have a lot of freedoms since it is such a long list, or You could say how terrible it is to have all that taken away. i have to confess that i am usually somewhere in the middle, depending on how close… how dependant upon Mistress i am feeling. It seems like that should be a constant.
I hate being blinded. It is too limiting and restricting to be ‘fun’ or a challenge. Being gagged is a challenge and so i can approach that state of being with some enthusiasm as i would any challenge but being blinded is just awful.
[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: animals cant nod.. they cant grasp simple gestures... all they can do is make noise
[8:12] Emilee Gackt whimpers slightly, sighs and then grunts shamefully.
This is what i am to Her? After all this time? This is both degrading and somehow a thrill to me. Doesn’t She feel ANYTHING for me? The fact that She has kept me for nearly a year and a half must mean that She does and so to hear Her talk like this… very confusing and it makes me reach for Her through the distance She has created.
This was the hardest part:
[8:17] Jacquelin Mazi puts up a for sale sign near you and waits
Being blind, i could only guess that She really had put up a sign. I had no reason to feel that She hadn’t but what about the 18 months? The time She had invested in me. Was this a test? A trick?
To clarify what follows, when Mistress gags and blinds me, SL can make it ‘real’ by hiding names and keeping me from talking. All i see on the screen is black and sometimes a faint glimmer or sparkle. All through this experience, i was totally blind.
[8:55] This person: You're selling that? (This was someone talking to Mistress)
[8:55] An agent: Yes.. one moment please (This was Mistress)
[8:55] This person: np
[8:56] An agent: Sorry... back now.. yes, its for sale... I've had it over a year.. it doesn't cheat and will not vanish
She really was serious. Really for real. I was shocked. All the emotion and time and energy and everything else was now a matter of a few Lindens.
[8:57] This person: How much? (the prospective buyer)
[8:57] An agent: Name your price. Its negotiable. (Mistress)
[8:57] This person: 10L LOL!
[8:57] An agent: hm.. very high for a useless thing like this... *smiles*
[8:58] This person: Seriously? Then 5L?
[8:58] An agent: No, I couldn't let it go for that little. Sorry... realistically, what is a slave like that worth to you here?
Am i just a thing to Her, just to be sold like that? She has been saying that since we met but this is different. This was words put to action.
[8:59] This person: Realistically? 10,000L considering how rare a slave that stays over a year is.
[8:59] An agent nods
[9:00] An agent: but you don't plan to pay that do you ? *smiles*
[9:00] This person: No, sorry. Realistically, 1,000L
[9:00] An agent: 3,500L
This was Mistress’ counter offer. 3,500L is worth a little less than $14 dollars. Now the confusion begins, the not understanding myself, the fear, excitement…
All the emotion, everything i mentioned before, She was willing to take $14 for all that? How shocking and how sad and how strange that of all the things i felt, what i felt most was a deeply grave thrill. Like i was facing death and not blinking. That makes me sound heroic somehow and i was far from that but i felt helpless and powerless and because of that, i felt like i had no choice in it. Since it was inevitable, i felt somehow excited.
I never begged Mistress to keep me. It never occurred to me even ask. What was clear was that She was done with me and i was about to belong to ‘This person,’ whoever that might be. How could i possibly feel such a thrill at this? How dare i feel excitement, even the scary kind?
I was finally about to become what Mistress had been saying i would become for so long. I was about to be sold for real money and become someone else’s slave in as real a sense as SL allows.
I’m ashamed that i felt anything but loss. I felt what i felt though and Mistress would be most unhappy to have me hide that, even then. Especially then.
‘This person’ turned out to be a mutual friend of Mistress and i. i was never for sale although this is the type of experience that will keep me guessing about the next time this sort of thing happens. She said She didn’t have in mind to do this when She logged in and called it a ‘dinner theater.’
i’m not sure there is anyone i know who wouldn’t have been mad or hurt by all this. Leave it to a gackt to feel:
• Relieved
• Happy
• Astonished
• Sad, that i had disappointed Mistress. This was the second time in a few weeks that Mistress has brought tears to my eyes. The last time it was because She said i was invaluable to Her. This time it was because i was only worth $14 to Her.
When She makes me cry – i say that like it is a regular thing but really it has happened twice – i feel tied to Her so much more closely. Crying is such a release for me, especially since it is so rare in my world. Being brought so low and filled with emotion until i just burst is invigorating. That Mistress has this power over me is dreadful to me and euphoric. It makes me permanently Hers even though She showed me today that i am Hers only for as long as She chooses to have me.
[8:07] RR Ballgag 1.13.1 whispers: Emilee Gackt's RR Ballgag 1.13.1 has been locked by Jacquelin Mazi (Type Tight).
[8:07] RR Ballgag 1.13.1: You've been gagged... You are authorized to speak on channel /1 only
When She gagged and blinded me i felt like i had gone too long without doing anything for Her, that i had let RL take too much time from her and that She was understandably upset. Even if She was un-understandably upset, She can be and do as she pleases. That’s why She’s the Mistress.
Here is a list of what Mistress decided for me this morning:
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to rez from inventory
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to TP to LM's
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to TP using Map
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to TP to Friends
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee may TP to Friends for only Jacquelin Mazi
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to receive IM's
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee may receive IM's from Jacquelin Mazi
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to send IM's
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee may send IM's to Jacquelin Mazi
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see chat
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee may see chat from Jacquelin Mazi
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to type in chat
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to set environment
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to fly
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see names
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see location
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to touch far objects
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see worldmap
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to see minimap
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to use Inventory
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to read notecards
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to stand once seated
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to wear more clothes
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to remove clothes
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to sit >1.5m
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to edit/build
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to shout
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to talk normally
[8:14] Emilee's Ring: Emilee is not permitted to whisper
There are two ways to look at that list. You could say that i have a lot of freedoms since it is such a long list, or You could say how terrible it is to have all that taken away. i have to confess that i am usually somewhere in the middle, depending on how close… how dependant upon Mistress i am feeling. It seems like that should be a constant.
I hate being blinded. It is too limiting and restricting to be ‘fun’ or a challenge. Being gagged is a challenge and so i can approach that state of being with some enthusiasm as i would any challenge but being blinded is just awful.
[8:11] Jacquelin Mazi: animals cant nod.. they cant grasp simple gestures... all they can do is make noise
[8:12] Emilee Gackt whimpers slightly, sighs and then grunts shamefully.
This is what i am to Her? After all this time? This is both degrading and somehow a thrill to me. Doesn’t She feel ANYTHING for me? The fact that She has kept me for nearly a year and a half must mean that She does and so to hear Her talk like this… very confusing and it makes me reach for Her through the distance She has created.
This was the hardest part:
[8:17] Jacquelin Mazi puts up a for sale sign near you and waits
Being blind, i could only guess that She really had put up a sign. I had no reason to feel that She hadn’t but what about the 18 months? The time She had invested in me. Was this a test? A trick?
To clarify what follows, when Mistress gags and blinds me, SL can make it ‘real’ by hiding names and keeping me from talking. All i see on the screen is black and sometimes a faint glimmer or sparkle. All through this experience, i was totally blind.
[8:55] This person: You're selling that? (This was someone talking to Mistress)
[8:55] An agent: Yes.. one moment please (This was Mistress)
[8:55] This person: np
[8:56] An agent: Sorry... back now.. yes, its for sale... I've had it over a year.. it doesn't cheat and will not vanish
She really was serious. Really for real. I was shocked. All the emotion and time and energy and everything else was now a matter of a few Lindens.
[8:57] This person: How much? (the prospective buyer)
[8:57] An agent: Name your price. Its negotiable. (Mistress)
[8:57] This person: 10L LOL!
[8:57] An agent: hm.. very high for a useless thing like this... *smiles*
[8:58] This person: Seriously? Then 5L?
[8:58] An agent: No, I couldn't let it go for that little. Sorry... realistically, what is a slave like that worth to you here?
Am i just a thing to Her, just to be sold like that? She has been saying that since we met but this is different. This was words put to action.
[8:59] This person: Realistically? 10,000L considering how rare a slave that stays over a year is.
[8:59] An agent nods
[9:00] An agent: but you don't plan to pay that do you ? *smiles*
[9:00] This person: No, sorry. Realistically, 1,000L
[9:00] An agent: 3,500L
This was Mistress’ counter offer. 3,500L is worth a little less than $14 dollars. Now the confusion begins, the not understanding myself, the fear, excitement…
All the emotion, everything i mentioned before, She was willing to take $14 for all that? How shocking and how sad and how strange that of all the things i felt, what i felt most was a deeply grave thrill. Like i was facing death and not blinking. That makes me sound heroic somehow and i was far from that but i felt helpless and powerless and because of that, i felt like i had no choice in it. Since it was inevitable, i felt somehow excited.
I never begged Mistress to keep me. It never occurred to me even ask. What was clear was that She was done with me and i was about to belong to ‘This person,’ whoever that might be. How could i possibly feel such a thrill at this? How dare i feel excitement, even the scary kind?
I was finally about to become what Mistress had been saying i would become for so long. I was about to be sold for real money and become someone else’s slave in as real a sense as SL allows.
I’m ashamed that i felt anything but loss. I felt what i felt though and Mistress would be most unhappy to have me hide that, even then. Especially then.
‘This person’ turned out to be a mutual friend of Mistress and i. i was never for sale although this is the type of experience that will keep me guessing about the next time this sort of thing happens. She said She didn’t have in mind to do this when She logged in and called it a ‘dinner theater.’
i’m not sure there is anyone i know who wouldn’t have been mad or hurt by all this. Leave it to a gackt to feel:
• Relieved
• Happy
• Astonished
• Sad, that i had disappointed Mistress. This was the second time in a few weeks that Mistress has brought tears to my eyes. The last time it was because She said i was invaluable to Her. This time it was because i was only worth $14 to Her.
When She makes me cry – i say that like it is a regular thing but really it has happened twice – i feel tied to Her so much more closely. Crying is such a release for me, especially since it is so rare in my world. Being brought so low and filled with emotion until i just burst is invigorating. That Mistress has this power over me is dreadful to me and euphoric. It makes me permanently Hers even though She showed me today that i am Hers only for as long as She chooses to have me.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
The last few days in the life of the gackt
[20:13] Jaan Dubrovna: Emilee!
[20:13] Jaan Dubrovna: How are yu?
[20:14] Emilee Gackt: Good thanks.
[20:14] Emilee Gackt: What a weird few days i've had.
[20:14] Jaan Dubrovna: reallu?
[20:14] Jaan Dubrovna: really?
[20:14] Emilee Gackt: You type like me all of a sudden.
[20:14] Emilee Gackt winks
[20:15] Jaan Dubrovna: I was in the middle of uploading 4 textures at once
[20:15] Jaan Dubrovna: SL doesn't like to do too many things at the same time
[20:15] Jaan Dubrovna: and I still haven't rezzed
[20:15] Emilee Gackt laughs.
[20:15] Emilee Gackt: All gray and no hair?
[20:16] Jaan Dubrovna: so far just a big cotton ball
[20:16] Emilee Gackt smiles.
[20:16] Jaan Dubrovna: whew, there I am
[20:16] Emilee Gackt: How will you make clothes to fit a cotton ball?
[20:16] Emilee Gackt: Oh good.
[20:16] Emilee Gackt: So i left Sunday for Cleveland...
[20:17] Jaan Dubrovna: okay
[20:17] Emilee Gackt: Flight canceled, flew to Chicago, waited forever, left for Cleveland, got there about 11:00 Monday.
[20:17] Emilee Gackt: 11:00 am
[20:17] Jaan Dubrovna: okay
[20:18] Emilee Gackt: At his point it is a 25 hour trip, just to get there.
[20:18] Emilee Gackt: *this point
[20:18] Jaan Dubrovna: like the Phillipines sheesh
[20:18] Emilee Gackt: Yea
[20:18] Emilee Gackt laughs
[20:18] Emilee Gackt: So i get to the hotel... no wait...
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: i stopped at Target and bought a case of water, granola bars, stuff for training, etc.
[20:19] Jaan Dubrovna: okay
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: THEN got to the hotel at about1 pm
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: Went to sleep
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: Got a phone call at about 4 pm
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: My boss' boss.
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: Never good when a VP calls you directly.
[20:19] Jaan Dubrovna: uh oh
[20:20] Jaan Dubrovna: I guess not
[20:20] Emilee Gackt: So the client cancelled the training .
[20:20] Emilee Gackt: i had to fly back the next day.
[20:20] Jaan Dubrovna: oh, you are kidding
[20:20] Jaan Dubrovna: :shakes her head
[20:20] Emilee Gackt: So i left for the Cleveland Airport and got a call from another client while i was on the way.
[20:21] Emilee Gackt: i told him i'd take care of him at the airport when i could get on their wifi.
[20:21] Emilee Gackt: Returned my Kia Rondo rental car, got to the airport...
[20:21] Emilee Gackt: One sec - Dave's home
[20:21] Emilee Gackt: Be right back
[20:21] Jaan Dubrovna: kk
[20:26] Emilee Gackt: So THEN....
[20:26] Jaan Dubrovna: so then
[20:27] Emilee Gackt: i get to through security, go to the gate, find a plug get unpacked, turn on my laptop...
[20:27] Emilee Gackt: No wifi.
[20:27] Jaan Dubrovna: amazing
[20:28] Jaan Dubrovna: must be every other airport in the country has wifi
[20:29] Emilee Gackt: So i figured i would just call someone at work in AZ and have them take care of it for me and i would go read and have lunch/dinner for three hours.
[20:29] Jaan Dubrovna: sure
[20:29] Emilee Gackt: So i go to my Blackberry ('cuz i'm cool like that) and go into my contacts...
[20:29] Jaan Dubrovna laughs
[20:30] Emilee Gackt: ...which is full of names from the Philippines. Not a single US name in my phone.
[20:30] Emilee Gackt: So i sat and sighed for a while.
[20:30] Jaan Dubrovna: oh, too funny
[20:30] Emilee Gackt: Then - brainstorm!
[20:30] Emilee Gackt: i'll look in my received calls in my phone!
[20:30] Jaan Dubrovna: there you go
[20:31] Emilee Gackt: All the numbers where i work start with 446 so i'll just look for people who called me from a 446 number, right?
[20:31] Jaan Dubrovna: okay ...
[20:31] Emilee Gackt: Turns out, when you call from where i work, an 800 number shows up, not the direct dial number.
[20:31] Emilee Gackt: More sighing.
[20:32] Jaan Dubrovna laughs
[20:32] Emilee Gackt: Then the client calls me and asks me if i've decided anything yet.
[20:32] Emilee Gackt: i decided that i would rather not be in Cleveland.
[20:32] Jaan Dubrovna laughs
[20:33] Emilee Gackt: So finally i remembered that there is a man at work who has my old number.
[20:33] Emilee Gackt: i called it, got him, had him give me the name of every relevant person i could think of.
[20:33] Emilee Gackt: All the managers, my boss, departments heads, etc.
[20:34] Jaan Dubrovna: yeah
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: probably 9 people.
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: Every single one of them was away from their desk.
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: i left 9 voice mails. 'Please call asap, thanks.'
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: Only 1 person called me back.
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: Sheesh.
[20:34] Jaan Dubrovna: that is funny
[20:35] Emilee Gackt: But i FINALLY had somone to hand this problem off too and for the trouble i rewarded myself with a big greasy cheeseburger at the airport restaraunt.
[20:35] Jaan Dubrovna: yum
[20:35] Emilee Gackt: Which i am pretty sure is spelled wrong.
[20:36] Emilee Gackt: Let's call it a cafe.
[20:36] Jaan Dubrovna: Sigh
[20:36] Jaan Dubrovna: so you made it out of Cleveland alive whew
[20:36] Jaan Dubrovna: that is funny Emilee
[20:36] Emilee Gackt: Barely.
[20:36] Emilee Gackt laughs
[20:36] Jaan Dubrovna: i bet you didn't find the humor at the time though
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: Oh no... i was in stitches.
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: Really.
[20:37] Jaan Dubrovna: well good
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: Busting a gut the whole time.
[20:37] Emilee Gackt laughs
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: So today...
[20:37] Jaan Dubrovna: yes......
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: They tell me i am going back on 10/12.
[20:38] Jaan Dubrovna: back to Cleveland?
[20:38] Jaan Dubrovna: wonderful
[20:38] Jaan Dubrovna laughs
[20:38] Emilee Gackt: Yep. Round 2 of Cleveland vs. Emilee.
[20:13] Jaan Dubrovna: How are yu?
[20:14] Emilee Gackt: Good thanks.
[20:14] Emilee Gackt: What a weird few days i've had.
[20:14] Jaan Dubrovna: reallu?
[20:14] Jaan Dubrovna: really?
[20:14] Emilee Gackt: You type like me all of a sudden.
[20:14] Emilee Gackt winks
[20:15] Jaan Dubrovna: I was in the middle of uploading 4 textures at once
[20:15] Jaan Dubrovna: SL doesn't like to do too many things at the same time
[20:15] Jaan Dubrovna: and I still haven't rezzed
[20:15] Emilee Gackt laughs.
[20:15] Emilee Gackt: All gray and no hair?
[20:16] Jaan Dubrovna: so far just a big cotton ball
[20:16] Emilee Gackt smiles.
[20:16] Jaan Dubrovna: whew, there I am
[20:16] Emilee Gackt: How will you make clothes to fit a cotton ball?
[20:16] Emilee Gackt: Oh good.
[20:16] Emilee Gackt: So i left Sunday for Cleveland...
[20:17] Jaan Dubrovna: okay
[20:17] Emilee Gackt: Flight canceled, flew to Chicago, waited forever, left for Cleveland, got there about 11:00 Monday.
[20:17] Emilee Gackt: 11:00 am
[20:17] Jaan Dubrovna: okay
[20:18] Emilee Gackt: At his point it is a 25 hour trip, just to get there.
[20:18] Emilee Gackt: *this point
[20:18] Jaan Dubrovna: like the Phillipines sheesh
[20:18] Emilee Gackt: Yea
[20:18] Emilee Gackt laughs
[20:18] Emilee Gackt: So i get to the hotel... no wait...
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: i stopped at Target and bought a case of water, granola bars, stuff for training, etc.
[20:19] Jaan Dubrovna: okay
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: THEN got to the hotel at about1 pm
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: Went to sleep
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: Got a phone call at about 4 pm
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: My boss' boss.
[20:19] Emilee Gackt: Never good when a VP calls you directly.
[20:19] Jaan Dubrovna: uh oh
[20:20] Jaan Dubrovna: I guess not
[20:20] Emilee Gackt: So the client cancelled the training .
[20:20] Emilee Gackt: i had to fly back the next day.
[20:20] Jaan Dubrovna: oh, you are kidding
[20:20] Jaan Dubrovna: :shakes her head
[20:20] Emilee Gackt: So i left for the Cleveland Airport and got a call from another client while i was on the way.
[20:21] Emilee Gackt: i told him i'd take care of him at the airport when i could get on their wifi.
[20:21] Emilee Gackt: Returned my Kia Rondo rental car, got to the airport...
[20:21] Emilee Gackt: One sec - Dave's home
[20:21] Emilee Gackt: Be right back
[20:21] Jaan Dubrovna: kk
[20:26] Emilee Gackt: So THEN....
[20:26] Jaan Dubrovna: so then
[20:27] Emilee Gackt: i get to through security, go to the gate, find a plug get unpacked, turn on my laptop...
[20:27] Emilee Gackt: No wifi.
[20:27] Jaan Dubrovna: amazing
[20:28] Jaan Dubrovna: must be every other airport in the country has wifi
[20:29] Emilee Gackt: So i figured i would just call someone at work in AZ and have them take care of it for me and i would go read and have lunch/dinner for three hours.
[20:29] Jaan Dubrovna: sure
[20:29] Emilee Gackt: So i go to my Blackberry ('cuz i'm cool like that) and go into my contacts...
[20:29] Jaan Dubrovna laughs
[20:30] Emilee Gackt: ...which is full of names from the Philippines. Not a single US name in my phone.
[20:30] Emilee Gackt: So i sat and sighed for a while.
[20:30] Jaan Dubrovna: oh, too funny
[20:30] Emilee Gackt: Then - brainstorm!
[20:30] Emilee Gackt: i'll look in my received calls in my phone!
[20:30] Jaan Dubrovna: there you go
[20:31] Emilee Gackt: All the numbers where i work start with 446 so i'll just look for people who called me from a 446 number, right?
[20:31] Jaan Dubrovna: okay ...
[20:31] Emilee Gackt: Turns out, when you call from where i work, an 800 number shows up, not the direct dial number.
[20:31] Emilee Gackt: More sighing.
[20:32] Jaan Dubrovna laughs
[20:32] Emilee Gackt: Then the client calls me and asks me if i've decided anything yet.
[20:32] Emilee Gackt: i decided that i would rather not be in Cleveland.
[20:32] Jaan Dubrovna laughs
[20:33] Emilee Gackt: So finally i remembered that there is a man at work who has my old number.
[20:33] Emilee Gackt: i called it, got him, had him give me the name of every relevant person i could think of.
[20:33] Emilee Gackt: All the managers, my boss, departments heads, etc.
[20:34] Jaan Dubrovna: yeah
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: probably 9 people.
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: Every single one of them was away from their desk.
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: i left 9 voice mails. 'Please call asap, thanks.'
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: Only 1 person called me back.
[20:34] Emilee Gackt: Sheesh.
[20:34] Jaan Dubrovna: that is funny
[20:35] Emilee Gackt: But i FINALLY had somone to hand this problem off too and for the trouble i rewarded myself with a big greasy cheeseburger at the airport restaraunt.
[20:35] Jaan Dubrovna: yum
[20:35] Emilee Gackt: Which i am pretty sure is spelled wrong.
[20:36] Emilee Gackt: Let's call it a cafe.
[20:36] Jaan Dubrovna: Sigh
[20:36] Jaan Dubrovna: so you made it out of Cleveland alive whew
[20:36] Jaan Dubrovna: that is funny Emilee
[20:36] Emilee Gackt: Barely.
[20:36] Emilee Gackt laughs
[20:36] Jaan Dubrovna: i bet you didn't find the humor at the time though
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: Oh no... i was in stitches.
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: Really.
[20:37] Jaan Dubrovna: well good
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: Busting a gut the whole time.
[20:37] Emilee Gackt laughs
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: So today...
[20:37] Jaan Dubrovna: yes......
[20:37] Emilee Gackt: They tell me i am going back on 10/12.
[20:38] Jaan Dubrovna: back to Cleveland?
[20:38] Jaan Dubrovna: wonderful
[20:38] Jaan Dubrovna laughs
[20:38] Emilee Gackt: Yep. Round 2 of Cleveland vs. Emilee.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Some days it just isn't meant to be...
i had nothing but trouble with SL today. Crashes, relogs and such and i even reloaded RLV and this is the thanks I get?
After one more try i got that message about my clothes still downloading. i am not sure my hair ever completely rezzed today. i had hair but it had turned prematurely (and hopefully temporarily) gray. Ah well, better luck next time, right?
Saturday, September 19, 2009
With Mistress this morning
She had to leave quite abruptly but before She left she ungagged and unlocked me. She knows this i am sure but in a way i was disappointed to have Her release me. There is an odd closeness and dependence that she removed when She unlocked me.
Officially homeless
Mistress and i officially moved out of the house this past week so i've been looking for some nice laces for Mistress and i to meet. There are plenty of places to pick from but my 'requirements' (odd that a slave should go around requiring things) are:
Mistress sent me a note of a very brief conversation She had with someone named Suzi Zaystev. Mistress had a quick chat with suzi and asked me to meet her. i've been unable to find her online and since i can't IM at the moment, i have two options:
On the other hand, if i were gagged in RL there is nothing that would prevent me from scribbling a note to communicate. In fact i sent a brief note to Jan a few nights ago. That one seemed different somehow though. Jan was online and suzi hasn't been so with suzi it seems more legitimate.
suzi's profile says that she is for sale for $5000L and it seems like that is for real. How fearfully thrilling that must be. It looks like her owner has an SL business training and selling slaves. That is an entirely different level of existence than what i have been experiencing in SL. Mistress is harsh sometimes but on the rare occasions when i earn some of Her affection i feel cared for and truly bound to Her.
Being something for sale would be such a tenuous, worrisome way to have to live. Humiliating and belittling and all those things that SL slaves say they want but it seems to me like it would be a case of regretting what you wanted once you actually got it.
Mistress asked me to write about my feelings if i were bound in RL as i am in SL. She cuffed my legs but left my arms free and gagged me so tightly (there are levels of tightness that obscure your speech dending on how tight it is; loose = recognizable muttering, tight equals total gibberish) that i can't talk to anyone in chat and turned off my IMs.
She gave me a task and told me to write about my feelings. At first i tried to imagine how a slave would feel - frustrated, helpless and so on. About half way through it i realized that i was maybe imagining the wrong this. i started over and wrote about how *i* would feel. Again, all i have to go on is imagination but if it were me in RL having to do what i had to in SL, my most dominant (so to speak) feeling or emotion would be kind of a thrilled sense of adventure. Probably i will never know for sure.
i sometimes forget the obvious when Mistress gives me assignments and i hate that my mind gets so clouded with stress and ideas about what to write and how to put things that my attention get diverted from what She originally asked for. As an example, She put me in some Gorean silks when she cuffed me and when i wrote about my feelings, it never crept into my busy little mind to include that and my feelings about it having to work when i am only barely dressed.
For the record, i would feel a little of the thrill i mentioned before but mostly feel like i would have some indignation about it. Maybe this is telling about how far my RL is from my SL but all that i have to offer and THIS is what She has me doing? Parading around mostly naked while i pack boxes?
Of course that is probably Mistress' intent - for me to explore how that would feel. Again, it seems less than likely that i will ever know for sure.
- It should have relatively low traffic numbers (so there is low lag and a low horny newbie quotient)
- It shouldn't have too little traffic; having an encounter with a potential slave worthy of Mistress' time and attention wouldn't be a bad thing.
- It should be nice looking for Mistress and not have blaring neon signs and freebies everywhere.
- There needs to be somewhere to for Her to sit in a pose that isn't compromising or lacking in dignity.
Mistress sent me a note of a very brief conversation She had with someone named Suzi Zaystev. Mistress had a quick chat with suzi and asked me to meet her. i've been unable to find her online and since i can't IM at the moment, i have two options:
- Keep hoping to catch suzi online, or...
- Send suzi a notecard.
On the other hand, if i were gagged in RL there is nothing that would prevent me from scribbling a note to communicate. In fact i sent a brief note to Jan a few nights ago. That one seemed different somehow though. Jan was online and suzi hasn't been so with suzi it seems more legitimate.
suzi's profile says that she is for sale for $5000L and it seems like that is for real. How fearfully thrilling that must be. It looks like her owner has an SL business training and selling slaves. That is an entirely different level of existence than what i have been experiencing in SL. Mistress is harsh sometimes but on the rare occasions when i earn some of Her affection i feel cared for and truly bound to Her.
Being something for sale would be such a tenuous, worrisome way to have to live. Humiliating and belittling and all those things that SL slaves say they want but it seems to me like it would be a case of regretting what you wanted once you actually got it.
Mistress asked me to write about my feelings if i were bound in RL as i am in SL. She cuffed my legs but left my arms free and gagged me so tightly (there are levels of tightness that obscure your speech dending on how tight it is; loose = recognizable muttering, tight equals total gibberish) that i can't talk to anyone in chat and turned off my IMs.
She gave me a task and told me to write about my feelings. At first i tried to imagine how a slave would feel - frustrated, helpless and so on. About half way through it i realized that i was maybe imagining the wrong this. i started over and wrote about how *i* would feel. Again, all i have to go on is imagination but if it were me in RL having to do what i had to in SL, my most dominant (so to speak) feeling or emotion would be kind of a thrilled sense of adventure. Probably i will never know for sure.
i sometimes forget the obvious when Mistress gives me assignments and i hate that my mind gets so clouded with stress and ideas about what to write and how to put things that my attention get diverted from what She originally asked for. As an example, She put me in some Gorean silks when she cuffed me and when i wrote about my feelings, it never crept into my busy little mind to include that and my feelings about it having to work when i am only barely dressed.
For the record, i would feel a little of the thrill i mentioned before but mostly feel like i would have some indignation about it. Maybe this is telling about how far my RL is from my SL but all that i have to offer and THIS is what She has me doing? Parading around mostly naked while i pack boxes?
Of course that is probably Mistress' intent - for me to explore how that would feel. Again, it seems less than likely that i will ever know for sure.
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